Alone with 3 week old newborn

[SoHotandPregnant87]

AIBU to think I'll be fine completely alone with 3 week old newborn for 5 days?

DH would normally be on paternity but a big work opportunity has come up which would benefit it us long term. I'm having a planned c section and he would have to fly (long haul) when baby would be 18 days. My parents are coming over to help when baby is 23 days. DH would come back a few days later.

We live abroad and I have zero support without DH. Would it be a nightmare? My parents could change their flights to come sooner but it would cost a lot of money.

First baby so not sure what to expect.

Vote YABU if you think my parents should change their flights and come sooner!

I’m amazed at all the “you’ll be fine” responses. You just can’t possibly know how your recovery will go after a c section. My recovery was awful and very slow. I’d never have been able to manage with a newborn completely alone. Most people I know found recovery to be okay, I really hope this is the case for you OP, but glad to hear you will have some help if needed!

One, after C section it will be much harder for you to look after 3 week old by yourself

two, even without C section you would be quite shattered. At this time all lack of sleep is definitely catching up with you… and the danger is that you will fall asleep while holding/feeding the baby (as that’s when they can be smothered). I literally needed my husband to keep poking me so I could stay awake

in short you could be fine, but 5 days alone with 3 weeks old - why do this to yourself when you have another option?

Lots and lots of mothers look after multiple kids on their own for very significant amounts of time if not forever.

you’ll be fine

Haha. No. It’s still painful in week 3, and especially picking up something or taking something from high shelves. You will be picking up baby and walking around the house but I wouldn’t call it “comfortably”. You will still feel you had a major op.

i had two c sections.

Have super low expectations in terms of cleaning etc and you'll be fine!

Everyone has different experiences. Everyone has different pain tolerances to different types of pain. Things like a little wound infection make it worse. . Pain will also be impacted be impacted by how tired or run down you get.

point is- no one can predict how much pain you’ll be in…you may be prolaxed or ready to run round block 🤷🏼‍♀️😉

One of fastest ways to heal is sleep- if you’re not sleeping at night well as no shift system with partner, it’ll take longer to heal.

make sure dh stocks up on the painkillers you can have.

I think this the most wise decision. Too many risks to try on your own. There’s no blinking medals for being a martyr.
good call.

Lots of mums have PND. Lots of mums end up exhausted, overwhelmed etc.
she isn’t a single mum. She has parents and a partner. If there’s an option of help, she’d be a flipping idiot not to take it.

I was not fine by week 3 after my c section, luckily DH had over 4 weeks off and then a couple WFH, I couldn't lift the pram, struggled to walk very far at that point, obviously couldn't drive.

You'll be absolutely fine, if you're bottle feeding just get organised during naps so you always have bottles ready but if you're breastfeeding then he wouldn't be helping much either. I was driving 2 weeks after my elective section so I wouldn't worry

Too many variables to say if you'll be alright. I needed support and antibiotics at that point, you might be absolutely fine and in a happy baby bubble. We really can't tell you.

It's great your parents are coming over sooner, c-section or not it's definitely easier if you have someone to take over for a couple of hours in the evening, giving you a chance to refresh and reset.

My husband was in the Navy and was in the Falklands when by baby was born 30 years ago. He got back when she was 5 months old. I lived 300 miles away from family, had no friends and there was no welfare support back then. No emails, no Internet, no mobile phones. It was bloody awful, i hated it but I got through it.
If its just a few days then get some food in, stock up on nappies etc and find some stuff to binge watch while you're having a snuggle.

You will absolutely be fine. DC1 was pre covid and my DH had to stay away 2 or 3 nights per week back in those days. he was gone for 3 nights in week 2 and it was of course a bit trickier, but also nice to just have that time with DC. Plan to do no housework. eat out of disposable cartons, find a way to have a shower whilst baby is safely in a baby chair or something and embrace those amazing days that will pass very quickly. And don't feel guilty if you live in pyjamas for those 5 days.

I probably wouldn't have coped very well but I was a bit of a mess for the first few weeks; lengthy induction, PP hemorrhage, feeding issues and total lack of sleep and just being generally terrified. Also no real family help. However, a close friend of mine had this exact situation (in fact, think her husband might have gone away even earlier than at 3 weeks) and was absolutely 100% fine. I guess you won't know how you feel until then, but I think if you have family coming and perhaps people you can call on if you have any issues, you could well manage.

I think physically you’ll be sore but you’ll manage. For me I struggled more mentally and felt like I couldn’t be on my own. I almost needed constant emotional support as I felt so terrible

I was walking up mountains in the Lakes (with DS in a sling) seven weeks after my c-section.

Physically I'd say it's totally possible as long as you have a straightforward recovery (I would have been fine on my own after two weeks, I think), but emotionally/mentally I think it would be really lonely.

You’ll be absolutely fine, I had a planned c section in March and 18 days in I felt pretty ok! Good luck X

Solo mum to twins from day one here. I had an emergency c section. You’ll be fine. Just make sure you don’t stay in bed too long post c section once the anaesthetic has worn off. Sooner you shuffle up (gently and for short periods at first), easier the healing process is. I was discharged after 36 hours and my twins were in NICU. First couple of days, family drove me to and from hospital, after that I got the bus. I also interviewed for (& got) a job around 20 days after I had my c section. We women are fierce and strong and can do anything we put our minds to 🧡 Good luck!

This!

It's all a guess - including the age of the baby and even the mode of delivery at this point.

I was pushing for discussing an elective c section for various reasons. Came down with pre eclampsia. Went into spontaneous precipitous labour whilst in hospital and he was born in 90m a couple of weeks early. Once my waters broke there was scarcely a minute where I wasn't contracting or pushing, no chance to get the c section (ironically I wanted it partly because of family history of precipitate labour and high risk pregnancy).

It could be a five week old who's just out of hospital, a three week old who has slept through for two weeks, a colicky baby, a velcro baby... Anything.

You will find an easier rhythm with just the two of you to think about. My DH worked away a lot. He was always mega helpful but I did find it quite handy to eat at odd times and fit in with DC when DH not there.

Glad you have rebooked the flights. I’ve had 2 c sections and after the first I was still in a lot of pain after 3 weeks/ wound infection etc. whereas the second c section I was absolutely fine and taking both DC out the house alone after 3 weeks (would of definitely managed one DC on my own). It’s unpredictable.

I'm not sure c-sec wise as I never had one but in terms of generally looking after yourself and baby you will be fine. I had loads of false alarms with my first labour so DPs paternity leave was pretty much all used up by the time DD arrived so I did all the day time stuff by myself and all the night feeds. The main thing DP did was keep on top of the cleaning and shopping for the first few months but I really don't think it takes two adults to look after a newborn in normal circumstances.

DC2 I was okay after 2 weeks but the first recovery with DC1 was horrific, I couldn't laugh without pain, still having to roll myself out of bed after 4 weeks, struggled to walk very far - I was 6 weeks before I felt any sort of normality.

I have had two c sections.When the second was born my husband was away with the merchant navy.He did not return until baby was two months old.I had a toddler age two and seven months. I found it hard but coped.