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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let someone you know gets coldsores kiss your baby?

103 replies

Borninabarn32 · 15/08/2024 14:58

Very simple. Baby due imminently, family member very put out by "rules". Causing lots of stress and anxiety about having to protect boundaries when I'm at my most vulnerable. Just want to know if I'm being ridiculous on this one point.

YABU so long as they didn't have a visible cold sore I wouldn't have a problem with the kissing baby's face and hands.

YANBU even if there's no visible coldsore I would feel uncomfortable about them kissing baby's hands and face.

OP posts:
AudiobookListener · 15/08/2024 15:02

Maybe just ask everybody not to kiss baby, rather than just the person you know gets coldsores.

usernother · 15/08/2024 15:02

Can't vote because I'm on the app but YABU. I get cold sores. One of my children does and one doesn't. I kissed them both.

Amba1998 · 15/08/2024 15:03

No one would be kissing my newborn baby. There’s just no need. There are also plenty of other viruses. Just a no from me.

Tumbler2121 · 15/08/2024 15:07

No kissing your baby!

DandyClocks · 15/08/2024 15:09

Stick to your guns OP and make it the rule for everyone “no kissing”.

Why would you want to risk your baby catching the herpes virus if you don’t have to?

HarperSabrina · 15/08/2024 15:11

Don’t see why anyone needs to kiss a baby? I mean parents fine, anyone else… it’s weird! Holding is enough!

bge · 15/08/2024 15:11

Absolutely no chance. I’m very relaxed about a lot but this - NO CHANCE

make it the rule for everyone though so as not to be rude

BeeCucumber · 15/08/2024 15:12

No kissing a new born baby for anyone. You can wave from the other side of the room!

bge · 15/08/2024 15:13

usernother · 15/08/2024 15:02

Can't vote because I'm on the app but YABU. I get cold sores. One of my children does and one doesn't. I kissed them both.

You were lucky. Kissing babies when you have a cold sore can be extremely dangerous

www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

MintyNew · 15/08/2024 15:13

We had a no kissing rule and were very upfront about that. Anyone who got offended could bugger off. A baby contracting illness from a sore can be fatal so there's no time to be tip toeing around people's feelings here.

Alicenwonderland · 15/08/2024 15:13

Definitely no kissing! My niece caught herpes as a baby after being kissed and it was awful! She was very sick for the first few years of her life.

Reugny · 15/08/2024 15:13

YABU to allow anyone to kiss your baby. It is not just herpes you need to worry about Covid is still around and the common cold can cause issues.

No-one of mine and DPs family and friends tried to kiss our DD. It is just not done. One of my brothers even refused to visit for a few weeks because he had a cold.

AgileGreenSeal · 15/08/2024 15:15

No No No No NO!
absolutely NO KISSING BABIES.

what is wrong with people??🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
Borninabarn32 · 15/08/2024 15:16

Thank you! I agree on the "you just don't kiss other people's babies". I didn't have this issue with my first. New family member appears very personally attacked as this isn't the only issue around my "baby rules" but is also being very difficult and making me feel less comfortable with them so I wanted to check it wasn't just me feeling uncomfortable around them making me feel this way.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 15/08/2024 15:22

Your baby - your rules - if your family member doesn't like it - tough shit. It's not about them, it's about your boundaries and the health and happiness of you and your baby. Don't let them hold or be near your baby in case they try and sneak a kiss to 'put you in your place'. This issue may become a battle of wills, with your family member trying to get their own way and complaining to everyone about how unreasonable you are. Be aware.

Reugny · 15/08/2024 15:22

OP then the difficult family member cannot see your baby in your home and public you have an agreement with your baby's father that that person is not allowed to hold the baby regardless of what is happening. Basically if you go to the toilet you take the baby with you and balance them on the floor if needed or give them to a stranger to hold. This is until the baby is a few months old.

Original poster
Borninabarn32 · 15/08/2024 15:29

DP absolutely has my back and is very upset about my boundaries not respected.

It's obviously even more worrying as baby is due at the start of cold and flu season so outdoor contact isn't possible and illnesses are more likely.

While we're at it. What rules did you have for heavy smokers? 30 minutes after smoking reasonable? And the obvious for everyone, wash your hands.

OP posts:
usernother · 15/08/2024 15:42

@bge You were lucky. Kissing babies when you have a cold sore can be extremely dangerous

I didn't say I kissed them when I had a cold sore. I said I get cold sores.

Iloveeverycat · 15/08/2024 15:57

I don't remember anyone wanting to kiss my 4 when newborns.

easylikeasundaymorn · 15/08/2024 15:57

I would just say no kisses from anyone to make it fair. I have no idea why people act like kissing babies is some sort of inviolable human right that it's unfair to ban people from.

I don't think I've ever kissed (or wanted to kiss) a baby that wasn't my own. Yes my friends babies are very cute, but I can get my cuteness "fix" from cuddling them/holding their hand (with permission), I've never felt any extra "high" from slobbering over them!

Besides which it's then confusing if grandparents/friends etc when they get a little bit older and have (or should have) autonomy to reject kisses and hugs if they don't like them, so just easier to say no kisses unless the child initiates (which as a baby they obviously can't).

SeriouslyStressed · 15/08/2024 16:11

usernother · 15/08/2024 15:02

Can't vote because I'm on the app but YABU. I get cold sores. One of my children does and one doesn't. I kissed them both.

If you get cold sores yourself then your own babies will have some immunity.

"Babies born to parents who have had an oral infection, such as cold sores, before their third trimester are more likely to be protected from acquiring the infection after birth. This is because the mother's immune response to the virus will pass antibodies to the baby during pregnancy. This protection usually lasts for the first six months after birth. However, if the mother gets her first cold sore in the last three months of pregnancy, the antibodies won't have had time to cross the placenta before the baby is born. Babies born very prematurely (at or before 28 weeks) are also more at risk because the antibodies haven't had long enough to pass through the placenta."

usernother · 15/08/2024 16:15

@SeriouslyStressed If you get cold sores yourself then your own babies will have some immunity.

Oh, that's interesting, I didn't know that. One of my children gets cold sores, and the other doesn't.

Dahlietta · 15/08/2024 16:25

I also think you should just go with a blanket "no kissing the baby" rule, rather than singling out those whom you believe occasionally get cold sores. Or you could ask them to wear a bell round their neck.

Flossflower · 15/08/2024 16:29

I really don’t think people should kiss other people’s babies.
The rules around heavy smokers are that the smoker should have a shower, hairwash and clean clothes and not smoke before visiting the baby and not smoke until they leave. Alternatively they can meet outside at a distance.

Ava27268 · 15/08/2024 16:31

Paediatrician advised no kissing from anyone, only to the top of baby’s head. When baby got older, I started to give him a kiss on his cheek and his dad still only kisses the top of his head because he is prone to cold sores and wouldn’t want to risk unwittingly transmitting it if he was about to have an outbreak.