Would you let someone you know gets coldsores kiss your baby?

[Borninabarn32]

Very simple. Baby due imminently, family member very put out by "rules". Causing lots of stress and anxiety about having to protect boundaries when I'm at my most vulnerable. Just want to know if I'm being ridiculous on this one point.

YABU so long as they didn't have a visible cold sore I wouldn't have a problem with the kissing baby's face and hands.

YANBU even if there's no visible coldsore I would feel uncomfortable about them kissing baby's hands and face.

Many years ago I was on a pregnancy forum

We were all due X month and, as time went on, friendships were formed etc and valuable support shared

One of the mums on there had her newborn die due to being kissed by a cold sore carrier. It was absolutely horrific and shocking

I don’t understand - you’ve sent out ‘rules’ before baby has arrived?

After 3 months your baby is much better placed to deal with infections, including cold sores. It sounds v unlikely that the virus could have passed on - it needs skin to skin contact really. And your baby at 4 months isn't a newborn so you're past that super dangerous stage.

OP - if you sent them an article about a newborn who died, would that work?

Not quite. Another relative has recently had a baby, and had asked that when visiting their baby please make sure you blahblahblah. Relative brought it up with us and we agreed, partly just backing them up because imo you just do what the new mum says, but also because they'll have to do the same things when our baby comes too. It has been brought up a few times now by them. They're very unhappy, imo, about being told what to do.

We haven't sent out a list of rules, but we, like most parents, have "rules" about how you interact with our children. Usually you set boundaries as they arise but I am glad that this has come up before baby is born as it is clearly a battle and one I'm glad I'm not going to have to face unprepared when at a vulnerable state.

Under no circumstances.

I wouldn't let someone I know gets coldsores kiss me let alone my baby!

If you don't have the herpes simplex virus then stay well away from it.

My friend’s baby died from the cold sore virus at one week old. STOP KISSING BABIES.

THIS

I never kissed even my own baby as I have a history of cold sores. Lots and lots of affection but no kisses ever. My cousin lost an eye from ocular herpes, so I was very paranoid.

Just don't let people kiss your baby!
I'm a neonatal nurse and have seen a baby die from herpes after grandma kissed it with a cold sore. Tragic

No nobody should kiss them x

I really wouldn’t worry. Babies have very good immune systems. Cold sores are a very minor issue.

Stick to your guns Op! Someone my sister knows lost her son due to getting a cold sore as a baby! As a bad cold sore sufferer that story has made me incredibly wary and I don’t go near babies when I have one! Never kissed any babies except my own & I have managed to not pass on the horrible virus to my own (now teen/ya) kids by being very careful when they were small.

her babies were unlikely to be at risk because she herself gets cold sores- so they would have received protective antibodies in the womb. The vast majority of neonatal herpes cases are when a baby lacks these antibodies and is kissed by a different relative with a cold sore.

It’s really not a minor issue in newborns! Very young babies have died or become permanently disabled due to cold sores!
https://www.bliss.org.uk/parents/about-your-baby/medical-conditions/neonatal-herpes

I don’t think anyone kissed my baby…
Another reason that be glad of Lockdown!

That makes sense as I get massive cold sores and my kids have never had them. I was always careful but small ppl like to touch everything and I was always worried that it was inevitable that at least one of them would be affected!

@ThursdayTomorrow have you ever had a cold sore?

It really isn't a minor issue. Especially the first bout. It's hellish.

I can't imagine how awful it would be for a baby.

Your baby, your rules. If someone doesn't like your rules then they can stay away. When some of our relatives had a baby they didn't want us to hold the baby without face mask and we respected that as they are the ones calling the shots with their baby.

I don't have kids but I don't get it, you never kiss your baby? No kisses from parents, grand-parents, siblings...?

I always see photos of people kissing babies on the head on instagram, but apparently it shouldn't happen at all?

Neonatal herpes can be fatal - no way. I've caught the cold sore virus as an adult from a man who had a slight cold but no visible cold cores. So anyone is a risk to the baby as most adults carry one of the two herpes virus.
If anyone breaks your rules wash baby's skin immediately

Change their clothing if they're going to hold baby and wash hands

I didn't think to say anything, as the family members who get cold sores could be completely trusted to do the right thing. My dad wouldn't see ds1 for the first couple of weeks as he had a nasty cold and didn't want to risk passing it on either. If you can't be sure then definitely make it clear, as it can be so dangerous to young babies.

I get cold sores.and have drilled my kids from tiny to not eat or drink from anything I have without asking first.

Actually I don't think anyone should be kissing a baby. Perhaps parents on it's head. But otherwise, no. Great way to spread crap and not necessary.

Re: Smoking.

Do not allow anyone to abuse you in your own home. You get to decide the rules and they either accept them or they leave. Personally, I wouldn’t allow a smoker to hold my baby at all, regardless of when they last had a fag or who they were in relation to the baby.

I can’t stand the smell of fag smoke as it makes me start retching. My dad was a very heavy smoker and died from lung cancer when I was a teenager and I think my physical reaction to it is partly related to that.

When a person chooses to smoke, you can choose to keep your baby away from that vile stink.