Would you let someone you know gets coldsores kiss your baby?

[Borninabarn32]

Very simple. Baby due imminently, family member very put out by "rules". Causing lots of stress and anxiety about having to protect boundaries when I'm at my most vulnerable. Just want to know if I'm being ridiculous on this one point.

YABU so long as they didn't have a visible cold sore I wouldn't have a problem with the kissing baby's face and hands.

YANBU even if there's no visible coldsore I would feel uncomfortable about them kissing baby's hands and face.

I presume only if you had active cold sores while pregnant.

I get cold sores, never kissed my babies with an active cold sore, washed hands fastidiously before touching them if I had a cold sore and neither of them get cold sores, neither does my dh. People who get cold sores are not some irresponsible breed of idiot, just make sure people are aware that if they have an active cold sore no kissing. I'm assuming it's an inlaw we are talking about?

I wouldn't let anyone kiss a newborn, people can have the virus but not get sores but they can still pass it on. When baby is a bit older kissing hand should be OK, anywhere near mouth, eyes or broken skin would be a no.

YANBU. Absolutely not! Nobody who knowingly carries the herpes virus will be kissing my vulnerable baby. If that offends the would-be kisser, tough! How dare they even think about potentially putting my child at risk?!

Our youngest was seriously ill with excema herpeticum and hospitalised for over 1wk on iv antibiotics and antivirals - caused by the herpes virus. I wouldn't let anyone go near a baby with an indication of a coldsore.

My mum has always said you shouldn't kiss babies so was something i just followed. Even now our 2yr old will go to give her a kiss on the lips and she always redirects to cheek.

I think the crux of it is that it's your baby and your rules. I've followed 'rules' when friends have had babies that I thought were a bit OTT but did it because that's their baby and their decision. It boils down to respect for me at the end of the day.

No kissing especially the one who gets cold sores. Such a nasty thing to get. Especially the first one.

I don't understand why anyone would be annoyed about this. Why the desperation to kiss a baby?

Op, your relative needs to grow up and stop being so demanding.

My daughter was prem no issues just early and I wasn't even allowed into the unit to see her when I had a cold sore. So would be def no from me and make sure before hold washes hands, dose t touch lips etc

DM and FIL both get coldsores.

DM I knew I didn't have to worry about as she was always so careful when we were growing up.

FIL isn't as careful (once drank from my glass when he had an active coldsore ) so I was vigilant around him. Fortunately we didn't see him with one, but I would have asked him nicely not to and he would have listened, but probably thought I was a bit mad .

Both showered the babbies in cuddles and kisses, all was well.

Kissing other people's babies is weird, why would a new family member want to do that and why would you have contact with them

I dont understand the no outside contact thing, why can you go outside?

I don't know anyone who smokes so can't give an opinion on that and it never occurred to me to ask someone to wash their hands and I've never been asked, is that a COVID thing?

I get cold sores and would never kiss someone's baby. I kissed my own when I didn't have a sore but never never never when I did and I wouldn't even hold someone else's baby if I had a sore.

Hard NO.
Also I do not see a point of adults wanting to kiss newborns. It is gross and cringe as hell.

Well you were lucky @usernother but not that lucky as you gave the cold sore virus to one of your kids for life.

OP just ask everyone not to kiss baby.

No fucking way. Herpes is bloody dangerous in neonates.

I'm a cold sore sufferer and I didn't kiss my babies' faces/hands until they were over 1, and then certainly not mouths. I didn't let them touch my mouth either.

I can go from nothing to full blown sore in a few hours, I don't even get the "tingle" any more so I'd never know when was was coming.

Well said, excellent point. To the baby, it's a matter of life and death.

Regardless of cold sores mum and dad / siblings are the ONLY people that should be kissing your baby

My mil gets them and is super vigilant herself about not wanting to pass the virus on so I've never had to impose rules. She can tell when she's got one coming as it tingles before they appear apparently.
My son is almost 8, she's kissed him lots of times in his life and he's never got a cold sore.

I get the anxiety but it sounds like you might have gone about this in the wrong way.

I carry the virus - used to get cold sores but haven't had one in years.

I'd never dream of kissing someone else's newborn. In fact, I'd never dream of it anyway even if I didn't get cold sores. Plenty of people carry herpes without symptoms and also... so many other nasty bugs around that could hurt a newborn.

Honestly, those people are just weird and selfish, OP. Stand your ground. I can see how this is making you anxious (understandably) so if they aren't going to be respectful of your rules maybe ask them to stay away.

These thick twats wouldn't dare darken my door OP. Read them the riot act now, together with your DH. They don't have your family's best interests at heart.

80% of the population carry the heroes virus, some never get outbreaks, so wouldn't know.

Much safer and easier to just say no kissing of babies from anyone. The herpes virus isn't the only dangerous virus for newborns - lots of viruses are dangerous for newborns

They're your children, so you can make the rules. Would you insist on kissing other people's?

Absolutely not!! No one should ever be kissing babies except the parents.
I thought this was an unwritten rule that everyone knew. I'd be so angry at this family member if I was in your shoes!

Understood, that's why I said 'knowingly'.

You get cold sores, (herpes) you have them for life. Anyone who gets them would know this, so are very selfish if they insist on kissing the baby.

Is it just kissing the baby you have to worry about or general contact? I have a four month old and yesterday we saw someone with an active cold sore, she held him but didn’t kiss him, and I don’t think he touched her face at all, but now I’m panicking after reading these comments. What do I have to look out four if he’s caught it?

If and it's a big IF the person was shedding the virus, and if there has been transmission, then it could lay dormant for many years. He may never have an outbreak.