Why do so many posters hate mothers/children

[Sundayschool]

Inspired a bit by the current thread on SMP!

Why does Mumsnet, predominately/historically a forum for parents, attract so many posters who seem to hate children and mothers? It surprises me how fast posters are to tear down any women who want better conditions for themselves or their children or indeed anything to make life a bit easier (parent/child spaces, better SMP).

Why do such people choose to post on this site in particular? Surely if you really feel so strongly this is the last place you would think to come and post?

Hating and disagreeing are two different things.

I don't see 'hate for mothers and children'. I haven't read that ONE thread but I've have loads of good advice here over the years. Do you have specific examples other than that thread?

Today I learned if you don't think parent and child spaces are sacred, you hate mothers and children. Who knew!

I actually don't know what you are talking about.
I might disagree with quite a few posts on MN but one thing that is totally almost totally consistent is it's pro children stance.

Can you show us a post where someone hates women and children? Disagreeing with someone's opinion absolutely does not equal hating mothers and children by the way.

Does it?

Not a clue what you're going on about. Women are allowed to disagree with other women, and that doesn't imply hatred.

On that thread, I did see a few childfree posters saying they do not want to pay more tax to fund maternity leave. I can kind of understand their point and don’t think it means they hate mothers and children.

Just because someone is a woman doesn’t mean other women need to agree with Her. Sometimes women are wrong! Sometimes they disagree. That’s life.

disagreeing on something doesn’t mean you hate all women. Or even the woman you’re disagreeing with.

Not thinking mothers are the most important people in society ≠ hating them.

I’ve seen so many posters trying to make the argument that everyone on MN hates mothers but they never provide any evidence of actual hatred. Just people saying NORMAL things like, “I’m not in favour of taxes going up to fund child benefit/subsidised childcare/mat leave”, or “I’d prefer it if we prioritised helping out disabled people and carers”.

It's possible to support women and want to see children thrive without putting them on a pedestal and giving them everything they think they may be entitled to.

Except on the dog threads ...

Oh that's interesting. Are you talking here about The Doghouse topic because I never look at that?

'Hate' is a bit dramatic isn't it? 😳

People disagree, sometimes those people are women.

Shocker!

There may be disagreement that children should be the centre of everyone's known universe and the levels of irritation/annoyance they bestow on others. There are differences between opinion, disagreement and hate.

On the other hand try seeing what the child free have to put up with on here. In just the last two weeks
-child free people shouldn't buy houses so they are easier for families to buy and why do they need security anyway when they've got no kids?
-child free people should pay more tax to support hard working families

• child free people should work every Xmas because think of the poor kiddies.
• what the fuck do child free people do with their time the lazy fucks.

-child free people dont know real love -child free people dont understand the amount that mothers have to deal with and should be totally fine if a friend who is a parent is flakey, fails to maintain contact, cancels at the last minute or is late for everything. They'll soon learn

Perfectly sums it up
Excellent post!

I’ve not seen much hate, except for the odd random post here and there. I have a child but to be honest, I disagree with a lot of other parents, and I’m not a huge fan of kids in general terms.

I'm on that thread - just because I don't think women should get a year off work at full pay, every time they have a baby, it doesn't mean I hate mothers. I have 4 dc myself. I'm quite concerned about my DD's employment prospects if she's seen as potentially risky/too expensive to employ!

I feel that new mothers are not more deserving of paid time off, than people caring for a dying relative or those with serious illness.

Women are sometimes conditioned to see the different choices made by other women as criticism of our own choices, even when disagreement is not intended that way. Hence the horror of sah v woh, bf v ff etc.

But that thread you are referring to was largely a disagreement about who should pay for what are essentially lifestyle choices and it wasn't nasty in tone imo.

I disagree with many people about many things. Often those people are my husband and kids. I certainly don’t “hate” them. It’s immature and melodramatic to characterise disagreeing with someone’s opinion as “hating” them. I think you’ll find very few people on here “hate” women and children.

And everything @deviantfeline said. For context I have 4 kids (and only occasionally hate them).

YY to those saying 'disagreeing with' doesn't equal hate. Social media has encouraged the conflation of the two, and it's basically killing any chance of reasonable discussion, leading to solution. Instead you end up with these dramatic, polarising stances and I don't know how society's going to put this genie back in the bottle.

And if anybody says anything, however mild, about children screaming at the top of their lungs in the neighbourhood, whether the commenter is child free or not, the instant default argument is, 'oh, so you think children should be seen and not heard'. No, FFS, they think it's possible for children to play without screaming.
Similarly, if anyone dares to suggest that some spaces are more suited to adults, it's tantamount to asking people to lock their kids in a cupboard, 'What should we do, not leave the house until DC are 18?'. No, love, just stop complaining your local public house has decided it's not a suitable place for an 8 year old.

I think a lot of people come on here to complain about specific mothers and children, but they make it general. Mothers who take their kids to the supermarket & get in the way, mothers whose kids make noise in the garden, mothers who do or don't work, mothers who WFH whilst minding their kids etc etc.
It does spread a bad feeling I think.

What everyone else has said.

I don't hate mothers or children.

but I don't want to pay more tax to fund someone else's maternity leave

I don't want adults to ignore their children until the child is beyond themselves, and everyone else in the vicinity is wound up.

i don't want parents not using safe car seats.

I don't want parents acting like you're the child thief when you smile/wave/say hello to them, or tell your 'over age' child to be careful of the babies, in the baby section of soft play.

i don't hate them, but they're not on a pedestal either.

you've had a baby, great, but you're not the only one.

It's been a while since one of these threads. I don't hate mothers and children. I just don't think children should be the centre of everyone's universe at all times. Other people matter, too. But then I'm childfree by choice and probably just don't know my own mind...

I'm a mother and I have a child, I also disagree with other mothers who have children fairly often on here. Doesn't mean I hate them at all.

It's a very childish way to look at the world - you disagree with me therefore you must hate me! Social media is slowly murdering any opportunity for rational discussion and healthy debate by implying that any disagreement at all is personal, emotional, and rooted in hate for the person you're disagreeing with.