To think people shouldn’t say “You look tired”

[Clementine22]

You know when it’s been a long week or whatever and someone says this, just why!! How is it supposed to be helpful or wanted?!

I popped to the shop earlier to grab some wine and chocolate, someone I know bumped into me and said “Hi, you look tired”

Im super polite so laughed and said “yep bad day”

But what I really wanted to say was “Cheers, I’m aware I look tired, it’s been a long week and I’m trying to keep my shit together”

😂

Isn't it usually just a sympathetic conversation opener? Inviting you to have a proper chat about how you feel, rather than "how are you?" Where people tend to just say "fine" without thinking

People will stop taking my to each other at all soon.

It's small talk. It's an expression of concern. It's sympathetic. It's permission to have a little moan if you want one...

It’s rude unless you know the person’s been up all night with a baby or something, and even then it might be best to think of something else to say.

If anyone says it to me, I just say thank you, it’s so kind of you to point it out.

I agree tbh. I usually wear make up for work, however i didn't the other day because i couldnt be bothered. Had three people tell me i look tired. I wasnt tired at all.
Its basically 'you look like crap'.

I think it is meant as 'you look tired - are you okay/is everything all right?' but they just don't say the second half.

I used to have long curly hair (now short) and my answer was wearing it in "moon buns" to bed, usually with a load of conditioner in it. If I wanted it to look nice for going out then I left the pool/beach a bit earlier, washed it, moon buns and a glass of wine on the balcony.

Sorry! Wrong thread

It's really rude. Unless you're exceptionally close and saying it with genuine care, then you shouldn't say it.

Better than ‘ you look well’ which I always think means you’ve put on weight !

Agree! It’s basically telling you that you look like sh*t. My MIL decided to tell me I looked tired in the middle of hosting my 6 year olds party for 20 kids. I am afraid to say I snapped at her ‘great, thanks for that’ but she’s not said it again!

It’s not rude but usually said out of concern or compassion. However, I try to avoid saying it because it is often misinterpreted.

It's something we say at Scouts a lot, two of us have chronic pain issues, it's usually meant and interpreted as "hey I see you might be struggling today and might need some additional support or asking are you going to struggle with the noise or the energy to repeat instructions over and over again" and to open up a conversation about why pain is worse or things are harder. It's never intended as wow you look like crap today although we also ask "did you even bother to try and sleep at camp" so lack of sleep is common for us.

People used to say to me when I didn’t have makeup on as I have bad eye bags naturally! I hated it! I take it offensively!

My MIL is so bad for this.

It's even worse when she says it but I actually feel like I look alright

Its basically 'you look like crap'.

truth. It is NEVER helpful.

There is a woman at work who says it after looking you up and down, she has a nasty streak and judges everybody on their appearance. She’s said it to me a few times, last time I was a bit short and said “Thanks for that, Pam.” She’s stopped saying it to me now. I think you can tell who is being genuine and who is just taking the opportunity to have a dig.

@hooplahoop my great aunt is 95, that's exactly what she means!

😂😉

But you wouldn't say to someone 'jeez you are looking rough today' which is the same thing @Butterflyfern!
I'm not tired - It's just my face - I'm in my 60s snd don't wear make up often. Greeting me with 'you look tired' is rude!

If someone is telling me they don't feel well or they feel tired, then I would comment. Otherwise, why tell someone they look tired? It's not going to make them feel better.

I literally get told this every day by almost everyone I see, 4 month old baby in the middle of a horrific sleep regression and she wasn’t a good sleeper before that! I just say “thanks, I know”😂 I don’t take offence though, I know I look bliddy shattered, because I am!

Oh god would people just stop being so bloody sensitive?! Most of the time it's just someone showing concern for you, take it as it's intended!

if the the resident office bit or PITA relative, just say 'I am, thanks for noticing!' It'll bother them they haven't upset you!!

At least they aren't thinking "She looks a state as usual". They are saying that you don't look your usual bright eyed self.

i reply with ‘so do you’. hate it when people say i look tired and they say it with a sympathic look 😤. i really want to tell them to piss off !!!!

Sorrt are we really saying that in Mumsnet world that no one is allowed to express concern for another human being? There was another thread last night about someone moaning about a relative expressing concern and calling it rude. I'd rather live in a world where people can look out for each other and express concern. Total overreaction.

but the problem is it’s usually people i barely know. so why would they want to show deep concern for me ?? it’s none of their bloody business !