To think people shouldn’t say “You look tired”

[Clementine22]

You know when it’s been a long week or whatever and someone says this, just why!! How is it supposed to be helpful or wanted?!

I popped to the shop earlier to grab some wine and chocolate, someone I know bumped into me and said “Hi, you look tired”

Im super polite so laughed and said “yep bad day”

But what I really wanted to say was “Cheers, I’m aware I look tired, it’s been a long week and I’m trying to keep my shit together”

😂

God forbid someone actually cares about the well being of someone

Haha ditto.
Didn't fill in my eyebrows one time and 3 separate colleagues asked me if I was feeling tired, clearly thought I looked awful!

Wow honestly really? None of my business? How far exactly does that extend? If I see you are in trouble? Is that my business? If you fall over and need help?

I don't know why some of you don't just walk round with a big notice that says

Fuck off and don't talk to me you nosy twats!

Im sure you'd all be much happier, and kind people wouldn't waste their time trying to see if you're alright.

I agree. A random stranger once told me I looked tired when I was out with my son who was a few months old at the time. She said it kindly and I know she meant well but it made me feel like shit because I had actually thought I looked quite good when I left the house.

It’s fine to express concern but you can do it without telling someone they look like shit!

She said you looked tired which isn't the same as you look shit

Yep! Same when I didn’t wear mascara one day!

I think it's concern, too. It's a way of saying you should put yourself first and get an early night/stop rushing about after other people.

In Dr Who yonks back "Don't you think she looks tired?" was said about the (female) Prime Minister by the Alistair Campbell-type figure with faux concern, as a way of saying she was past it and not capable of doing the job.

It’s not saying you look good though is it? There’s really no reason to say it to anyone.

Thats a bit ott. mind you i did fall over in the high street once and nobody gave a crap 🤣

YANBU OP, I hate this & don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information. Also in my experience it often isn’t said out of concern, I feel like it can be a bit of a dig. The annoying thing is it’s happened to me a few times when I’ve actually slept really well!

Get over yourself. You look tired doesn't mean you look like shit, it means you look tired. It's a query into your well being.

😁at ‘moon buns’

Well I wouldn't say that, I'd say something more like...
"Jesus! Have you seen yourself?
You want to get a mirror."
And of course, followed by,
"No offence."
And a sweet smile. 😍

You can ask someone how they are without telling them they look tired.

Sounds good to me. Where can I get one?

I think generally it's a pointless statement. Either I am tired in which case no need to be told and I'd talk about it if I wanted to. Or I'm not tired and it's not complimentary to be told I look rubbish . I have said it though despite knowing this.

i want one too 😁

Might get that printed on a t shirt! 😂😂

@Thecatatnight Yes this was what bothered me in my example above. I wasn’t tired, I was actually feeling pretty good. So being told I looked tired was a bit of a slap in the face.

It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but telling someone they look tired is never going to make them feel good!

Which thread? I have mad curly hair and I need to know more!

I only say it to people I know will take it as "you ok, you look tired". Other people find it offensive like you're saying you look crap.

I generally mean what I say, so if I say tired I mean tired (and there's concern). If I think you look crap and I want to tell you that, I'll say that (I don't, obviously)

Oh no sorry it’s all got a bit serious, it was a light hearted observation not me being “over sensitive” etc. I don’t get angry over it, it just makes me chuckle that people think it’s what you want to hear.

Completely appreciate people may be genuinely concerned etc etc, just not a terribly awesome way of saying so.

Hands up! Who's going to try the moon buns?

I like the sound… I do not know exactly how to pull them off 😬😂

I have bad chronic pain and exhaustion. When I go to work, I try very very hard to apply my mask (make up is transformational physically but also mentally as it makes me feel good, a massive improvement from the ill sofa monster). Anyway, if someone comments in work, it's like a stab in the heart. I thought I hid it well. 😭 People do actually mean well though, and it's usually just concern. I try not to take it personally.