Husband exaggerating AIBU

[herecomesthesunyes]

My husband was retelling a story last night to our teenage boys. I had said “we need to move that piano” (it needs moved back after the room was carpeted). He had said do you realise how hard we’ve tried to move that piano?! I was laughing because as soon as I said it I realised it was a cheeky thing to say. Anyway it was all good humoured. Then the teenage boys came back and he said do you know what mum just said? I was laughing because I knew I was going to get a roasting (again all good fun) and he said “she said you need to move that bloody piano”. Now I had not used the word bloody. And in my view that changed the tone of what I’d said. It was blatantly untrue. I said “I did not say bloody piano”. He’s now embarrassed (he denies this but he did look embarrassed when I said it) and annoyed at my “overreaction” in his view. (He’s a kind man and wouldn’t have done it to make me look bad, it was for story telling effect.)

i said quietly to him when we were walking home that I’d noticed he was increasingly exaggerating stories for effect. I have never mentioned this to him before as I wouldn’t embarrass him. But I notice it. And it annoys me.i find it hard in public when he’s telling these stories as I know he’s embellishing. He also misremembers things (quite conveniently stuff that puts him in a bad light gets changed in his memory over time). Again there’s no malicious intent just human nature but it is annoying and I notice it. We’ve been married 25 years so have a lot of history together.

I am quite sensitive to my kids’ view of me. He’s very easy going and I’m more uptight. We’re on holiday and I’m struggling a bit with smoky and noisy atmospheres when we’re out and the kids have picked up on this. So I am probably even more sensitive to him making me look bad than I would normally be.

so AIBU?

Thanks. No he’s quite defensive to be honest. I think he was embarrassed about being caught out embellishing in front of the kids. He (we both do) prides himself on being decent and honest so it’s not his MO in his own mind. He can be a bit sanctimonious sometimes so it collided with that (high standards) vision of himself. Also he said my response was OTT. I can’t remember but I probably was pretty emphatic because I was like “what! I didn’t say that”

My ex was very liberal with the truth. I get that you can be a little dramatic or whatever when recounting a story but to me embellishing it beyond recognition is lying. He would tell stories and I'd be thinking 'what?! I was there and that did not go down like that!' It was always to make himself look good.

He'd also say things to the kids like 'oh we should go to the beach today but we can't because mum will say no'. Of course I'd say no it's a school day and we live six hours from the beach! It was quite subtle but I felt like I was being painted as the bad guy and him as the fun one. If I pointed it out though he'd either deny it or say he was joking.

I'm not sure how to handle it to be honest, especially if the kids are involved. You don't want to get cross and reinforce his 'version'. I don't think you should have to apologise for pointing out what you know you said. Perhaps regale them with a few tall tales of your own! 'I moved the piano all by myself with one hand' 'the tall handsome handyman who moved the piano asked me out to dinner on Friday' 😅

@TealSapphire your ex sounds awful! So glad he’s an ex!

Gosh OP...you really need to unclench here!! Embellishment is normal (to most people!)

We are 'masters of storytelling' - I suggest you watch a few comedians and entertainers on YouTube to see just how embellishment works. Situational comedy relies on this skill 👌🏻

And again...unclench!

That's so not what happened in the OPs story 🤦‍♀️

OP says "He also misremembers things (quite conveniently stuff that puts him in a bad light gets changed in his memory over time). Again there’s no malicious intent just human nature but it is annoying and I notice it. We’ve been married 25 years so have a lot of history together. "
Apologies I commented on one part and not the rest 🙄

I think it would totally depend on WHAT is being said... For example, if he was telling a story that was funny and changed it from 3 seagulls chasing him, to 30 seagulls chasing him, I'd probably laugh, do a little eye roll and understand that it was exaggerated for comedy effects. If it were something to do with a debate/disagreement and he had made up extra parts to paint me in a terrible light, I'd probably have to call him out on it.

The story above where he added in just the word bloody doesn't seem like enough to get quite so upset but also, I'm not menopausal and hot and bothered on a holiday with all the extra stimulations going on so can't entirely relate. Perhaps take it as a lesson and try to stop and check the point of the stories before you react next time? Hope the rest of your holiday is enjoyable 😊

Honestly? Adding the word bloody would not get me upset. I've probably done it myself, sometimes because I think it is a bloody nuisance for example, sometimes just in an abscent mind sort of way. I really would not have reacted at all. Of course, if there is something else going on, lots of nasty digs for example, that would be different.

Have your teenagers never heard you swear before? Hence the panic over the word ‘bloody’ being added in?

Also I don’t get the joke, why is moving the piano funny?

All a bit odd.

Embellishing stories like this is pretty normal I think, it’s like a sort of attention seeking behaviour. A person has a captive audience and adds stuff in case they lose it and their story sounds boring! It’s pretty annoying and I’d pull him up on it, especially if he’s consistently making you look bad, but I’d keep it all pretty lighthearted and not lose sleep

Don't call him out on exaggerating stories slightly, that's just the art of storytelling and grabbing people's interest in what you are saying. It's extremely boring to listen to people who are just relaying a factual account of processes and events that occurred, no one on earth is interested in spending time with such a person!

Do call him out on telling stories that portray you in a bad light. That is unacceptable and as your partner in life he should be supportive towards you in all ways, even in the retelling of events.

It’s like a comedian, uses life but it isn’t factual, it’s embellished. I def add ‘flavour’ and spin for comedic effect. Life is for laughing, surely. Not laughing ‘at’ someone though, but as long as it’s not mean, I’d let it go.

It’s like a comedian, uses life but it isn’t factual, it’s embellished. I def add ‘flavour’ and spin for comedic effect. Life is for laughing, surely. Not laughing ‘at’ someone though, but as long as it’s not mean, I’d let it go.

not sure why it posted twice… exaggeration maybe?!

I remember my Mum pulling my Dad up for something very similar when I was mid-teens and we were on holiday. We all thought it was a funny joke and that she was being uptight.

I overheard them later that night when we got back to the room, and me and my sibs were supposed to be asleep. She felt he always came out of his stories looking like the fun, laid back bloke and by contrast she was being painted like something out of a Les Dennis MIL joke. And that it hurt her and made her feel really unhappy, so it shouldn't come as a surprise when she didn't enjoy evenings out because she knew what he would do.

I remember feeling quite bad as it hadn't occurred to me that she might feel that way. I also remember Dad being a bit grumpy although contrite the next day - in hindsight the slight grumpiness was probably to cover embarrassment because he knew she was right but being a stubborn old git, wouldn't admit it.

He didn't do it again - he still told jokes and embellished for laughs, but he didn't exaggerate using her.

They’re your kids, not strangers. Surely you all have a good natured laugh at each others’ expense as part of ordinary home life?

I think you’ve already voiced the problem; you’re menopausal, uptight and sensitive. You may want to consider how to handle that as your reaction here will have everyone walking on eggshells around you. I couldn’t live like that.

This scenario is about an extra word in a sentence. I’m reading into it all that you never swear and are maybe a bit… ‘straight laced’?

Im intrigued by your concern over your relationship with your teens. Knowing many teens myself I’d suggest you’d be best loosening up and being more fun; they’ll relate much more.

One word! I would be thankful he didn’t say “your bloody mother wants the piano moving”.

,,,,that's how stories work.

I thought everyone does this. We all do in our household. I think it’s quite normal. And unless it’s something ridiculous, it doesn’t bother me. Saying bloody or not saying bloody is neither here nor there in exaggerating in my opinion.

Ahh this makes me a bit sad. My other half does this and I love it. I’m awful at telling stories and make even funny moments sound dull, whereas my other half is the opposite! Yes there’s a bit of exaggeration, but it always makes us laugh and he’s so good to be with in a social situation because of it. I’m very very laid back so maybe this helps me see it in this light!

But if the exaggerations in the stories were at your expense or made you look bad, surely you wouldn't love it? That's what Op says her partner often does.

Hum if it’s something funny I did, I wouldn’t mind? Rather get a laugh out of it than a row 😂 but if it was being nasty, I’d be upset. luckily not had that yet!

Sounds like you've been happily married for a long time. Very annoying.

YANBU.

I think there's a big difference between making a story more exciting (which i dislike but a lot of people do it) and misquoting someone.

He acted like he was quoting you, and you're right that the word "bloody" changes the tone