Husband exaggerating AIBU

[herecomesthesunyes]

My husband was retelling a story last night to our teenage boys. I had said “we need to move that piano” (it needs moved back after the room was carpeted). He had said do you realise how hard we’ve tried to move that piano?! I was laughing because as soon as I said it I realised it was a cheeky thing to say. Anyway it was all good humoured. Then the teenage boys came back and he said do you know what mum just said? I was laughing because I knew I was going to get a roasting (again all good fun) and he said “she said you need to move that bloody piano”. Now I had not used the word bloody. And in my view that changed the tone of what I’d said. It was blatantly untrue. I said “I did not say bloody piano”. He’s now embarrassed (he denies this but he did look embarrassed when I said it) and annoyed at my “overreaction” in his view. (He’s a kind man and wouldn’t have done it to make me look bad, it was for story telling effect.)

i said quietly to him when we were walking home that I’d noticed he was increasingly exaggerating stories for effect. I have never mentioned this to him before as I wouldn’t embarrass him. But I notice it. And it annoys me.i find it hard in public when he’s telling these stories as I know he’s embellishing. He also misremembers things (quite conveniently stuff that puts him in a bad light gets changed in his memory over time). Again there’s no malicious intent just human nature but it is annoying and I notice it. We’ve been married 25 years so have a lot of history together.

I am quite sensitive to my kids’ view of me. He’s very easy going and I’m more uptight. We’re on holiday and I’m struggling a bit with smoky and noisy atmospheres when we’re out and the kids have picked up on this. So I am probably even more sensitive to him making me look bad than I would normally be.

so AIBU?

"Then don't tell stories that put me down. You should worry about doing that."

You're massively overreacting, OP.

I'm now slightly annoyed that I just spent two minutes reading this.

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes I do
all these things. It’s worse when I’m in a restaurant and am stuck. Lots of people smoking here. I have asthma. I would choose a different table if I see people smoking or change seats if the smoke is bothering me or people playing videos loudly on their phones in restaurants. My children roll their eyes at me if they see me clocking others smoking and if I move seats. Stop judging they say. So it’s hard when I am trying to manage my own reactions and also surreptitiously so they’re not picking up on these intolerances I have.

i haven't got time to worry about these small issues

But it's clearly not small for the OP if she's here asking about it. It seems that it's not the exaggerations in themselves that are the problem but the way he's using them to present her in a less good light.

From the OP's first post:
Then the teenage boys came back and he said do you know what mum just said? I was laughing because I knew I was going to get a roasting (again all good fun)

clearly giving OP a 'roasting' is considered family fun. It isn't. OP doesn't think so either.

Oh dear, sorry! That did make me laugh if it’s any consolation. You’re a fast reader btw. 😆

My husband does this. My new stock phrase is, “well that’s not exactly what I said, but why let the truth get in the way of a good story!” Said with a wink at my kids and a smile at my husband. And repeat!

Plus not wanting to sit where there's smoke is perfectly reasonable and your DC shouldn't 'eye roll' about it. It sounds as though your DH colludes with them against you. Where is the support for you in all this?

That’s good! Normally I don’t say anything tbh

My DH doesn’t say anything positive or negative about it. I used to smoke so they all think I’m a bit of a hypocrite! It was 25 years though!

So your DH is universally believed to be the 'good guy', and you are considered 'a bit of a hypocrite'. Are your family always like this with you, OP? Do they show genuine kindness and consideration for your point of view? Do they show you respect?

Sounds like there's a subtle dynamic here of mocking Mum. Your husband should back you up and have a word about the eye rolling.

Sounds like there's a subtle dynamic here of mocking Mum. Your husband should back you up and have a word about the eye rolling.

This

I agree with you but it looks like we are in the minority. Baffled about why he had to repeat your comment at all, let alone add the word bloody to it. It makes the kids think you were nagging or annoyed rather than just passing comment.

I know I am massively missing the point of your thread but what is your piano made of if your husband and two teenage sons can’t move it between them??

I know I am massively missing the point of your thread but what is your piano made of if your husband and two teenage sons can’t move it between them??

Pianos are incredibly heavy and need a special trolley to move them.

They managed to move it but it was on little wooden pads to protect the floor and they can’t get it on all 4! Car jack is the next though… tbh no one plays it so maybe it’s time for it to go….

Good question. Feeling a bit tearful now. I think they think I’m grumpier than him (I am)and maybe teenage boys can be a bit hard on their mums. I don’t know….

Why exactly do you feel it's your place to correct him? (Other than if he misquotes you)

Why can't he interact with the world as he sees fit rather than as you see fit?

Some people are big storytellers who like to embellish the details. So what?

There's more to storytelling than delivering factual information; it's a social thing and a way some people have of relating to others.

Obviously if he slanders you or anyone else you can push back but otherwise why be a buzzkill? No one appointed you as proctor and critic.

Many pianos weigh over 200kg and we had 3 strong removal men struggle to lift ours.

FFS. Almost every story I tell is embellished for dramatic effect.

Well in this particular scenario I would worry less about what my teenagers think about me and more about the fact that they are not showing me any respect. The solution is not for you to smile and bear it but to pull your teenagers up on their comments.
"I am not judging. I would like to move so that I don't exacerbate my asthma by breathing in smoke and I would like for you to show me some consideration and respect"

It’s not a competition between you and your husband @herecomesthesunyes

I’m sure your children love you both very much as you sound good people. At certain stages in life they may find it easier to relate to one of you or the other but that changes over time and they won’t expect either of you to be perfect, just as you don’t expect it of them. They may enjoy your husband’s more light hearted side but you will have other qualities they love too.

Obviously if he slanders you or anyone else you can push back but otherwise why be a buzzkill? No one appointed you as proctor and critic.

I think the point of this thread isn't the exaggerations and embellishments themselves, but that the OP's sons and DH are colluding in disrespecting and being subtly unkind to her, and she is upset by this.

OP I think you've had a hard time here because I think you picked a bad example to try and illustrate something that upsets you. It sounds like there is a bit more going on that you should explore and try to address.

Parenting teenagers is hard, and there is sometimes the need for a good cop bad cop approach, but most of the time, you should feel like you and DH are a team, and you pick up the slack for each other when one is struggling. You shouldn't feel like DH shines a light on your foibles and weaknesses, or makes you the butt of jokes that you don't think are funny.

I too am married to the guy that everybody else adores and thinks is fun and chilled and laid back etc. In fact last night there was a vote amongst DD's friends about which parent (of all their parents) they would rather own up to about e.g. a broken window, and they all said DH! But he also knows when to back me up, and when to quietly talk to DD about how something she has said or done might feel unfair or unreasonable to me, as I do on his behalf sometimes. Occasionally he does the embellishment mildly at my expense and I pick him up on it and he accepts that in good humour with a 'fair cop gov' kind of way.

Yes you might need to also look at how you react to some minor things, and how much you can modify how they make you feel, but by and large, you should feel like you and DH are a team.

This is all way off topic from your original question, which is why I said I don't think you picked a great example to illustrate your upset, but your later posts start to show something else bubbling under.

Storytelling isn't "lying."

I'm no scholar but I bet that anthropologically, embellishing anecdotes and enlarging on stories for humor or dramatic effect is a coping and communication skill as old as humankind.

Some of you sound like you have such contempt for your "partners."