Husband exaggerating AIBU

[herecomesthesunyes]

My husband was retelling a story last night to our teenage boys. I had said “we need to move that piano” (it needs moved back after the room was carpeted). He had said do you realise how hard we’ve tried to move that piano?! I was laughing because as soon as I said it I realised it was a cheeky thing to say. Anyway it was all good humoured. Then the teenage boys came back and he said do you know what mum just said? I was laughing because I knew I was going to get a roasting (again all good fun) and he said “she said you need to move that bloody piano”. Now I had not used the word bloody. And in my view that changed the tone of what I’d said. It was blatantly untrue. I said “I did not say bloody piano”. He’s now embarrassed (he denies this but he did look embarrassed when I said it) and annoyed at my “overreaction” in his view. (He’s a kind man and wouldn’t have done it to make me look bad, it was for story telling effect.)

i said quietly to him when we were walking home that I’d noticed he was increasingly exaggerating stories for effect. I have never mentioned this to him before as I wouldn’t embarrass him. But I notice it. And it annoys me.i find it hard in public when he’s telling these stories as I know he’s embellishing. He also misremembers things (quite conveniently stuff that puts him in a bad light gets changed in his memory over time). Again there’s no malicious intent just human nature but it is annoying and I notice it. We’ve been married 25 years so have a lot of history together.

I am quite sensitive to my kids’ view of me. He’s very easy going and I’m more uptight. We’re on holiday and I’m struggling a bit with smoky and noisy atmospheres when we’re out and the kids have picked up on this. So I am probably even more sensitive to him making me look bad than I would normally be.

so AIBU?

Your teenage children being given the impression you said “bloody” doesn’t make you look bad. Kindly, as you’ve identified yourself, you do sound a bit uptight.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks I think it does make me look bad as if I’m moaning about them not having moved it. And I wasn’t! But yes I am uptight, I try not to be 😔

Seems a bit of a shame to me, that something that should've been a light hearted shared joke has become a real downer. You must all be treading on egg shells. I'd have said , I didn't say bloody ! in a dramatic not in front of the children way, everyone would have rolled their eyes and got the joke. I'm pretty sensitive but this seems rediculous. You are a family, your children know what you are like from the way you have behaved all their life. Sounds like you and husband need to lighten up.

If 2 adults and two teen boys can’t move it between you with a trolley, you need to get a professional piano mover in. Sorted!

My DH does this a bit, and I ignore/laugh along most of the time. But I think there's a difference between exaggerating for comic effect in a general sense, and turning a story around so that people are laughing at a person rather than at the event generally. Exaggerating for comic effect is normal and fine, but if it feels like somebody gets humiliated in the process then it's a bit less fine. DH would never deliberately try and humiliate me, but occasionally I might be unintended collateral damage as it were!

So I hardly ever raise it with DH, but if I do, then yes it's in front of others, and I usually say something along the lines of it being the Hollywood version or simply 'ok well that didn't actually happen'.

As with all jokes and humour, if it makes others feel a bit crap, then it's worthwhile questioning how funny it really is.

Having said that, in your example I don't think I would have been bothered about it TBH as he didn't make you look silly or bad in any way. So I don't know.... Maybe you were a bit sensitive about it, but if it's part of a pattern of his embellishments making you feel uncomfortable then I can see how you might just be a bit fed up of it.

Is this part of a bigger picture where you are the one telling the children what to do. Keeping them inline and he is the laid back parent who they seem to prefer? I am getting those vibes.

If this is more that then I can see why him painting you in a slightly worse favour - each and every time - would become annoying....

Also if it is that. Do more fun things with the children. Ignore the bad. Let him deal with that!

YABU unless your H says things reflecting badly on you.

@Deliaskis thsnks. That’s helpful. It’s how I feel.

I think I’m just a bit emotional and sensitive at the moment. I didn’t want the kids to think I was complaining.

Hi, yes there is an element of that I think. Thanks.

I don't get why it was a funny story at all. You need to move a piano, suggested it, then realised it's too heavy and need another plan. That needs an amount of embellishment to turn it into an anecdote in the first place.

If you had started a poll I bet about 80% of people would vote that you were being unreasonable.

It was a light hearted moment that you have turned into something negative.

There's a lot going on here and I think the problem is that @herecomesthesunyes feels as if she is being manipulated into a disrespected, mocked position in the family by a subtle stream of untruths attached to inconsiderate behaviour.
It's not the exaggeration, per se, which can be funny. I think the people saying "unclench" are missing the point.

It would be fine if someone said "the next thing is, a dog the size of pony came along and snaffled the sandwich up..." - everyone knows it was just a big dog and no one is being got at.

But the implied pattern here is:
herecomesthesun is grumpy, and rude, and demanding, and a bit sweary, and inconsiderate of others' efforts, and a fun sponge.

This is putting you in a position in the family where you are not allowed to object to anything, your efforts on behalf of others are not worthy of respect, consideration to you and your preferences is not required and you are a figure of fun rather than someone to be respected and cherished.

A lot of English men and boys do this to the women in their families. I hate it. It's ugly and cruel.

You said you knew you would get a roasting, so I think you could have built it up to be more than it appears. As people have said, a lot of good story tellers add 10% for comedic effect but when they are adding 25 to 50% at your expense then it becomes tiresome.

You were right to call him out, it was not what was said and the re-write is more of a order than a suggestion. If it's all the time, why does he feel the need to belittle you in front of the children? You have every right not to like it.

We've all had those tricky social encounters when a couple, usually one of them (men and women) ribs the other one to the point where it becomes awkward and uncomfortable for the others .... does it start at home?

My husband does this and it's quite
Annoy

That sounds racist to me like you are saying it’s a particular English characteristic for males to belittle the females in the family.

It’s ’the Bloody piano’ because we all know how hard the bigger is to move, not because you swore.

DH accused me of lying once when I retold a story. I was frickin furious and asked him to point out what I’d lied about. He couldn’t. Basically he’s a boring conversationalist. When he heard the incident sounding interesting/exciting/amusing he assumed I was lying rather than being animated in the retelling.

Exaggerating for comic effect or to highlight the emotion of a situation is not lying. And nothing kills a chat more quickly than someone continually judging what’s said for accuracy.

If I feel like I was chased by a pack of dogs when it was actually only three dogs and a passing pigeon, then that’s how I felt.
If I feel like I’d only had a couple of licks of my icecream before some idiot on a bike knocks it out of my hand, when actually I’d had a good few mouthfuls but still wasn’t a third of the way through, then that’s how I’ll tell it.

Conversation isn’t about detail and accuracy, it’s about emotion. You’ll kill emotion stone dead if you try and stifle it.

@Twiglets1 it isn't racist to speculate on cultural characteristics, that is ridiculous. "English" isn't a race and culture isn't race

I think I’m just a bit emotional and sensitive at the moment. I didn’t want the kids to think I was complaining.

I still don't understand why you are so hung up about what the kids think. You seem hyperaware of this.

I have two late teens and I've never once been concerned that they might think I'm grumpy or whatever, I couldn't care less, they do their fair share of being grumpy and sensitive!

Putting aside your DH, do your kids comment on how you are?

Maybe you think all cultures do it, or other cultures do it more, or something - could be true - what do you think?

I think feeling like you deserve respect from your kids and you aren't being backed up by your husband in getting it, is a horrible position to be in.

You weren’t speculating you were saying it like it’s a truth that English men and boys are particularly prone to a negative characteristic.

You are MASSIVELY overreacting to this as an isolated incident, but we don’t know what it’s like to be you and to be in your family.

I think it’s pretty obvious that men and boys can be disrespectful to the women in their family in all cultures.

Though I don’t believe that OPs husband falls into this category from the information given.

My best friend does this. Always tells stories so she's seen as a little angel and everyone else is awful. I called her out on it and she cried and said I was mean, it was so embarrassing.

My teens would have loved if l said bloody..it would raise me in their estimation!