How many days a week is it acceptable to see your partner?

[memphine]

I feel I may be being needy, would love some takes.

DP has made it clear he wants marriage and children with me eventually.

We live a mile away from each other, his work place is a 3 minute drive away from my home. He work 10-7 Monday-Friday. Has no children, or other commitments. He often continues working once he gets home, but has done this from my home plenty of times.

He sees his friends Saturday evenings and Sunday day time/evenings. I have DS aged 5, who usually gets into my bed around 2am so DP doesn't stay over on the nights I have him which is 5/7.

At the moment, I am always home and available when he finishes work. DS has gone to stay with his dad for two weeks.

What do you feel would be a normal/expected amount of time to spend with one another?

I think it’s tricky to say really as everyone is different. I’d definitely want him to come over / stay over the nights you didn’t have DC. Edited to add if you have more free time than usual I’d probably expect to see each other more in those 2 weeks if you were serious about each other.

Nothing is ‘normal’, it depends on the couple. Why can’t you just tell him what your expectations are?

Personally in this situation (DS away with dad) I’d let my partner know they’re welcome over whenever and can stay every night if they want. Another poster will come along and say that’s ridiculous and they need some space/free evenings to themselves.

I'd say an extra couple of nights a week maybe? Gives you some time to yourself and for you to see friends as well. That seems reasonable if your partner is working those two weeks, but I'd be flexible if he has to do extra work.

It's whatever works for you guys though - there's no right or wrong answer here.

Doesn't sound like he spends that much time with you at all... spends Saturday evenings with friends and Sundays as well? Is that with you or just him on his own?

How long have you been together?

No that's on his own. He usually stays at mine on a Thursday and a Friday night.

We've been on and off since 2019.

Well he can't stay over when your son is there cos of the weird 2am shenanigans. Maybe that puts him off coming for his tea during the week.

Why is it weird? Why would it put him off having tea?

How old are you both?

Do you never socialise with him and his friends? Does he socialise with you and your friends? With you and your DC?

I find it odd he spends so much time solely with friends.

My expectation would be that I saw my DBF at least one day and evening of the weekend and often more.

We're both mid twenties.

We don't socialise with each other's friends.

It's not weird at all. Mine were still coming into my bed at that age. And it doesn't stop him having dinner at yours!

As your DC is not there at the moment I'd expect him to be over most nights.

You're talking about marriage with this guy but you hardly see him as it is and your son age 5 gets into your bed at 2am every night. The 2 things dont correlate. Isnt there a plan to get son to sleep on his own all night?

I don't think he sounds that invested tbh.

If you're not happy with his version of a decent amount of time spent together and just talks you over without changing his behaviour then don't believe him.

He can say whatever he likes to keep you on the hook but it sounds like he's just using you as a place holder op.

You've been together 5 years and you never socialise with each other's friends? I'd find that a bit weird personally. Are all his friends single?

Isnt there a plan to get son to sleep on his own all night?

DP wouldn't be moving it for another year (at the absolute very least).

Please could you tell my why him coming into by bed in the night is weird? And why DS getting into bed at 2am, when DP is asleep in his own bed, would put him off coming for his tea? Genuinely asking.

@LaraThot

Is there a reason you don't socialise with each others friends? It seems like your lives are quite separate? Which is understandable to an extent as you have your DC. But if this is leading to marriage and DC in the next 5 years I would expect your lives to become more entwined.

The majority of them are single, some in relationships. It quite a large group of friends, all men.

I wouldn't dream of saying what is normal.

But what do you want? Speak to him and see if it's what he wants.

Some will be bothered by the weekend thing. Sat nights and Sun days are seen as premium time. But maybe not by you. If you told him a week or two in advance that you wanted to go out on a Saturday night would he be up for it?

Presumably because DP would like to share YOUR bed but is second place to your 5 year old who can't spend the night in his own bed (every night coming into yours is a bit much) ?

So you've been together since your son was born basically? How do they get on?

He doesn’t see you as a priority or someone he longs to be with. If you feel differently, you should end it, and find someone who does

Thank you.

I'm more taking about when I don't have DS.

He does sometimes come after work when DS is here.

This!

My DS was still getting in my bed every night when I met now DH - it did take a bit of work but he was soon in his own bed all night every night.
In the meantime, do what works for you, and yes, I would expect DP to be a bit more present this couple of weeks while DS is away x

On and off since DS was 9 months old.

DS absolutely loves him.

Why don't you socialise with each other's friends? Have you ever met his friends? Had a bbq or something and all got together?

He doesn't seem to want to spend much time with you. When Mr Pony and I first got together, he basically moved in during the times DD went to her dad's. It was nice.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to this. It’s what you want that matters. If you want him to spend more time with you that’s totally legitimate.

You are both quite young though and you have a young child. It sounds like it might be a bit soon for marriage. He also sounds quite young (mentally). Theres nothing wrong with seeing your mates but wanting to hang out every weekend with a big group of lads isn’t going to be compatible with marriage and kids. Do you actually think he is ready?