How many days a week is it acceptable to see your partner?

[memphine]

I feel I may be being needy, would love some takes.

DP has made it clear he wants marriage and children with me eventually.

We live a mile away from each other, his work place is a 3 minute drive away from my home. He work 10-7 Monday-Friday. Has no children, or other commitments. He often continues working once he gets home, but has done this from my home plenty of times.

He sees his friends Saturday evenings and Sunday day time/evenings. I have DS aged 5, who usually gets into my bed around 2am so DP doesn't stay over on the nights I have him which is 5/7.

At the moment, I am always home and available when he finishes work. DS has gone to stay with his dad for two weeks.

What do you feel would be a normal/expected amount of time to spend with one another?

Because I'm considering ending the relationship. I have a lot to think about tonight.

Neither of you sound particularly bothered about the relationship, I have to say.

Do you ever stay at his? Suggest plans for when you don't have DS? Does he ever suggest spending weekends together?

It all sounds a bit like a relationship of convenience rather than one that exists because you actually want to be together.

I don't stay at his, he lives with his parents who are not very nice people, so I don't want to. Which he understands.

I do suggest things, and no he doesn't ask to spend the weekend with me.

Given your updates, it sounds like you’re FWB rather than in a romantic relationship.

It doesn't sound like a relationship I'd want to be in - why have you been on/off for so long without either of you committing?

I think you probably should. But for good this time.

It doesn't sound like there is a future in this relationship.

But it does sound like it generally suits both of you given your current circumstances.

Don't worry about what is normal, think about what works for you at the moment and what you want long-term and make a decision from that. It's fine to carry it on for a bit longer until your DS is older and you can date more. If you want marriage and kids anytime soon, I'd end it.

Good old MN. Helping break up relationships since 2001. Its a public service rolleyes

I do want more children, and really don't want a big age gap. So I feel like I'm my clock is ticking faster than other women my age.

I want to make it work with him, but I'm struggling to see how.

Sorry but having children by a shitty man is reprehensible.

Just because we want something doesn't make it ok to do it by any means possible. Sometimes we don't get what we want because circumstances aren't right.

Focus on your existing child.

Does your son go to his dad's some weekends? Do you not spend the weekend together then?

He goes to his dad Thursday and Friday, DP stays over then.

Have you missed the entire thread? They already have had an on-off relationship since 2019. There is no sign of the relationship progressing and I would imagine OP has other reasons to think of splitting which she doesn't want to disclose. And she was the first to bring it up, not me. So she clearly has her own reasons which I fully support, whatever they are.

If your son is 5 then surely it's already a big age gap
Even if you get pregnant today it will be a six year gap.

Sounds like your timetables just aren't very compatible. Can your ds see his dad on weekends instead?

This isn’t how partners behave, it’s FWB or a casual dating thing. That is perfectly normal for people in their mid twenties.

However, if you’re wanting kids in the bear future, I don’t think this is the relationship for you.

He doesn't sound like your partner, just a casual boyfriend he sees when it suits him.

In 5 years have you gone on holiday together? Do you even have dates? It sounds grim tbh, and not great for your son.

His dad is useless, the chance of him having him over the weekend is close to 0.

We have been away in the UK together.

We do go on dates.

I feel like there's a big difference between six years, and ten + years.

Which is what it would be if I started over again with someone new.

This would be a really stupid reason to continue a relationship that isn’t working.

It’s been ‘on and off since 2019’? Not only does he sound not that into you, but you don’t sound that engaged either — and who could blame you? You’re in your mid-20s, you only have two nights a week when you’re not parenting a demanding young child. Do you really want to spend them ‘being available’ for a man who sounds dull and routine-bound, either glued to his laptop or having an early night so he can go to the gym, or out with his friends? Don’t waste your youth on a man who’s not that bothered. Better no more children than having them with the wrong person. Use the nights you don’t have DS to do something more exciting than waiting in to make dinner for Mr On and Off.

I’m not blaming him, I should say. In my mid-20s I would have thought someone suggesting I got married and had a child was quite mad.

Would you like him to come over in the daytime at the weekends or to do things together with your son? Presumably that is how you'd expect things to be if you did get married?

You keep saying this. It is absolutely no reason to try to perpetuate a half-hearted relationship.

So you've had one kid with a "useless" uncommitted man and now want to repeat that with another oaf, just because you feel your "clock is ticking "??

I really fucking despair.

Yeah, having the wrong father for your kid is a big problem.
As is having the wrong partner for yourself of course.