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Original poster

How many days a week is it acceptable to see your partner?

101 replies

memphine · 13/08/2024 20:55

I feel I may be being needy, would love some takes.

DP has made it clear he wants marriage and children with me eventually.

We live a mile away from each other, his work place is a 3 minute drive away from my home. He work 10-7 Monday-Friday. Has no children, or other commitments. He often continues working once he gets home, but has done this from my home plenty of times.

He sees his friends Saturday evenings and Sunday day time/evenings. I have DS aged 5, who usually gets into my bed around 2am so DP doesn't stay over on the nights I have him which is 5/7.

At the moment, I am always home and available when he finishes work. DS has gone to stay with his dad for two weeks.

What do you feel would be a normal/expected amount of time to spend with one another?

OP posts:
BarbaraGilbert · 13/08/2024 22:42

We've been on and off since 2019

Is he the child’s father? You’ve been on and off since 2019 and the child is 5, it seems an unusual situation.

Apologies, I’ve just seen he’s not the father.

He doesn’t seem invested in the relationship tbh, I’d throw this one back.

FrankbyNature · 13/08/2024 22:42

Sounds more like a 'friends-with-benefits' relationship than something that is going somewhere.

And as someone else has noted, that appears to be the level of engagement of both of you.

If you're both up for that then go for it, but don't be surprised if it isn't going to end in marriage and more kids together.

Original poster
memphine · 13/08/2024 22:46

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/08/2024 22:41

So you've had one kid with a "useless" uncommitted man and now want to repeat that with another oaf, just because you feel your "clock is ticking "??

I really fucking despair.

That's not what I have said, at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
memphine · 13/08/2024 22:49

In my mid-20s I would have thought someone suggesting I got married and had a child was quite mad.

It is him who places more emphasis on marriage and children than I do.

OP posts:
Ruffpuff · 13/08/2024 22:50

I am mid 20s with a 5 year old son and a partner who is not ds’s dad. Me and dp would also like to be married and have more children together.

We are about to move in together so he’s staying at mine every night, although we haven’t made any logistical changes yet.

My ds also gets into bed with me in the middle of the night, though it’s not too often. I just move over so I’m in the middle of the bed and ds is on my side. Sometimes I let him stay, but often I’ll give him a cuddle then walk him back to his own bed.

I’ve wouldn’t see this as an issue to my dp staying over. I want marriage and children with him and he’s like a second dad to ds…if I thought my ds climbing into bed with us was an issue then how on earth could I have him live with me or move towards a future with him? I wouldn’t see a future if my child and partner didn’t feel completely comfortable around one another.

LiterallyOnFire · 13/08/2024 22:52

It does sound a little bit like a FWB x future faking TBH.

BlindedByGrey · 13/08/2024 23:02

Honestly @memphine , this isn’t the man for you. Move on before it’s too late

Noseybookworm · 13/08/2024 23:09

I can see lots of problems with this relationship -

You've been 'on and off' since 2019 - why?

You don't like his parents who he lives with - big problem in a long term relationship! These people would be your children's grandparents if you were to have a child with him.

He spends most of his weekend with his friends who you don't socialise with. This is odd. DH and I socialised as a couple when we were dating but also had nights out with friends separately. We socialised more together though.

It seems like he's not too bothered about spending time with you when your dc is with his dad. This is odd, I would have thought he should jump at the chance to spend the night with you!

Honestly, you say he wants marriage and children but his actions speak louder than words.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 13/08/2024 23:11

memphine · 13/08/2024 21:33

Has he said why?

Because he has work to do on his laptop and wants an early night to go to the gym in the morning.

But he can (and does) have early nights here. And has done work from here many times too.

If it were me, I'd honestly be thinking he's just not that into me, I'm sorry!

Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2024 23:16

5 years of this bollocks - why would you put up with this?

Also, why would you tie yourself to a man whose family are ‘horrible’? Recipe for disaster.

Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2024 23:20

I met DH when he was 23 and I was 26.

He was committed from day 1, introduced me to his friends, family, spent nights with me, talked about the future etc.

I understand it’s different with a child but after 5 years there should be more.

HotCrossBunplease · 13/08/2024 23:23

He’s not a DP he’s a boyfriend at best.

PaminaMozart · 13/08/2024 23:37

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/08/2024 22:41

So you've had one kid with a "useless" uncommitted man and now want to repeat that with another oaf, just because you feel your "clock is ticking "??

I really fucking despair.

This, with bells on.

For goodness sake, @memphine - raise your standards. You may want another child, but there really is no good reason why you should have one in the foreseeable future.

Focus on your existing child and your career, and stop letting useless men toy with you.

PaminaMozart · 13/08/2024 23:38

memphine · 13/08/2024 22:49

In my mid-20s I would have thought someone suggesting I got married and had a child was quite mad.

It is him who places more emphasis on marriage and children than I do.

Sure he does.

And his ACTIONS bear this out...

Boleynforsoup · 14/08/2024 00:18

@memphine I have been with my boyfriend a lot less time than you have with yours, we both have kids to juggle seeing each other around and we live 2 hours apart currently. However, I socialise with him and his friends and if we have child free weekends they are always spent together. We probably see each other more than you and this man do, despite our logistics being far more difficult.

Honestly you are worth more than this, and I say this from experience of being a young single mother in her 20s being dicked around by men and not knowing my worth (I'm not young now and know better, just wish I could go back and give 25 year old me's head a wobble!)

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/08/2024 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Greenhedge1 · 14/08/2024 00:44

OP, you are a convenience to him.
It is a huge red flag that his parents aren't nice and you don't want to be around them.

You are wasting your time here.
You are very young with a 5 year old.
You would be mad to rush into another idiot absent father.

Develop a career and work on providing the best stable life for your child.

Take a break from loser men.

WildNorthEast · 14/08/2024 08:05

Find a new, better man, a better step dad for your son, with nice parents, so better grandparents for your children. So many reasons to leave and find someone better. Find the strength. Good luck.

Original poster
memphine · 14/08/2024 18:24

Great job selecting a shitty disinterested booty-call sperm donor with a horrible family to sire your next basically fatherless child.

People have said some quite hurtful things on here.

I haven't once said he is shitty, or given any indication of what he is like in other elements.

My son also isn't "basically fatherless".

OP posts:
Original poster
memphine · 14/08/2024 18:25

I felt unwell this morning (ongoing health issues) so I asked if we could do another night. After some food etc. I felt better around an hour later, let him know I was free but no pressure my end as I know he originally cancelled.

He isn't coming over now as is walking his dog and having dinner at his house with his mum instead. Fair enough.

OP posts:
ComealongMartha · 14/08/2024 18:30

You’ve had some awful replies.

Be honest with him, you want/need to see him more and you are questioning your future.

strungouteyes · 14/08/2024 18:31

WildNorthEast · 13/08/2024 21:41

On and off for how long?
He's using you for sex when he's bored.
There are no excuses. He's just not that into you. You and your son can do better than this. Come on OP, raise your standards.

This. Absolutely. He's making zero effort to actually be a part of your life. Gym, work, friends... Plenty of things take priority over you and your relationship.

Original poster
memphine · 14/08/2024 18:32

@BettyBardMacDonald

That's a really, really unkind (and inaccurate) thing to say. I'm on the app so can't quote you.

OP posts:
Qwertys · 14/08/2024 18:41

Some people have been awful to you for absolutely no reason on this thread.

I will say it doesn’t sound like this relationship is likely to progress to marriage and children. If it was, after five years you would not still be at this stage.

It really sounds like you know that though, so people need to get off their high horse. It’s not easy ending a long-term relationship, especially when your child has known the guy since babyhood.

Original poster
memphine · 14/08/2024 19:31

Qwertys · 14/08/2024 18:41

Some people have been awful to you for absolutely no reason on this thread.

I will say it doesn’t sound like this relationship is likely to progress to marriage and children. If it was, after five years you would not still be at this stage.

It really sounds like you know that though, so people need to get off their high horse. It’s not easy ending a long-term relationship, especially when your child has known the guy since babyhood.

Thank you

OP posts:
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