Sister Regifting

[Dobbysocks]

My sister and I used to be very close but owing to some challenges our relationship isn’t what it once was. I have two boys, one four and one newborn and she has a seven year old girl. Generally, gifts on special occasions for the kids are thoughtful and useful.

My sister left some presents at my parents for me and my mum passed these on. She had regifted the following;

• A stained three piece baby set with an item missing, so a two piece in reality.
• A baby bouquet where the ‘flowers’ are rolled up socks etc. All bar a few items which were once white had yellowed as it’s obviously been stored since she had her daughter. In fact, I remember her specifically saying how much she hated it when she was given it.
• A photo frame given to her by our cousin when her daughter was born. This was in perfect condition unlike the above.

All the gifts were thrown in a supermarket bag and smelt musty, as if they’d just been cleared out of the loft or storage and passed on to me instead of being properly sorted.

AIBU to be upset by being given this from my sister? Particularly the stained, missing and yellowed items?

I agree.

as someone else has pointed out, she is family- not a friend- so you can say this. ( if it was a friend I’d just distance myself)

as you say, money is not the issue. She can afford a new £40 quid present.

i also think this was a particularly nasty present- worse than nothing. There is obviously a lot of resentment towards you- any idea what it is?

Any idea why you didn't at least read OP's posts before posting yourself, @Timefornewcareer?

@CeruleanDive are you the self appointed internet police ?

I’m idly answering a post on a forum. It’s not paid work.

but having now read subsequent posts- I see I was right to ask the question as it was the world’s biggest drip feed.

anyway. OP- I think you need to speak to your sister. She obviously massively resents to and is blaming you for her unhappiness. If you can’t sort it, you need to accept that you don’t need people like this in your life.

This!

To be fair it’s not their fault OP did a massive drip feed. Also such a non issue about the present compared to a much more serious issue here….Strange thread.

Given the background, I think you are right to be upset.

How sure are you that she's not short on cash? I have family members who are high earners but overextended on their mortgage after the interest rate increases which have been going on? could she be suffering from depression and so overwhelmed with life that shopping (or even properly looking at the items she planned to regift) felt like an insurmountable task?
Those are pretty insulting gifts but sibling relationships are worth saving if you can. If you haven't had a falling out or done something to upset her I'd be looking for another reason/checking she's ok and intended you to receive those things before I flipped out.

I do understand the pp saying it’s worth saving sibling relationships but in this case because of her husband I really do think going totally no contact is the only way to protect yourself from abuse. She made a choice to go back, but she made another choice in how she’s treated you since, and you don’t want you or your DC around that! Congratulations on your baby!

Just wash and give to charity and tell your mum you have done so, and your sister if she asks.

Ummmmmmmm. So you were abused by her husband. She’s acting strange. And you’re response is ‘I don’t want your old crap for my babies’.

let’s think maybe suff is going down. If you were filmed by your BIL, imagine what she might be going through! What kind of manipulation is going on.

I hope you pressed criminal charges and are in the process of getting him locked up. That’s the best thing you can do for her, and get her and keep her somewhere safe! Sometimes it takes something like that to knock some sense into someone being manipulated. He’s getting exactly what he wants separating you from her further.

I'd usually accept the gift and keep quiet but with a newborn u don't need unnecessary crap at home to deal with so I'd leave at mums and say thankyou for the hand me downs but we don't really need those things - thanks though