MIL likes to be almost part of our relationship or in the family

[MumDaisy1980]

Although I am a new mum for a 4 month old, it's still hard for me to understand the happiness of MIL about our baby's arrival.

We visited MIL & family last weekend and as expected she has this tremendous happiness shown in her face. I learnt to let go a little bit more, to be chilled and let DH and MIL & many in laws to play with the baby. I told myself it's the opportunity for the baby to know his wider family. But something I don't understand is MIL almost like to be in my position erm... or when DH talking to me say after he fed the baby I could hold the baby so DH can resume his lunch, but MIL was not really looking but in the same space quickly say sure one minute let me finish my bite. And I was like sure MIL feel free to give baby a cuddle. But I feel a bit erm....speechless would be my word.

Then also it's my DH bday soon, MIL then said oh last week I went shopping and saw a beautiful card for Dad from Son, she almost want to get it. I found it odd too.

On the other hand, she also has a tendency pouring the nightmares of raising a child , for example when I was pregnant after the congratulations , time to time she would say - I look so much forward for the new grandchild, I don't have to do all the hard work and can have the enjoyment . At that time and still I don't understand why she has to make the statement.

Or after checking how the baby is doing weight, sleep pattern etc, the baby so far so good, no major issue. then she would throw something like wait till the baby is teething and the crying cycle will start all over again.

Or last time DH was changing nappy - which is quite an achievement for new parent, then MIL kept distracting the baby and again said sth to DH said wait till baby grown older and move around - not easy to change nappy anymore.

Though they might be true, but I don't understand what's the point on saying them. and if any other MIL can share the thoughts would be great.

Besides, our baby is the 10th grandchild in the fam - I somehow found our baby got especially too much attention and I don't understand why. Perhaps because we are the only couple not living 5 mins down the road, so see each other less often.

I would like to add that overall I have good relationship with MIL, I can tell all her intention meant good. it's only when I am a bit moody then these small matters bug me a lot.

I wonder if anyone share similar experience? how you calm yourself!?

She sounds like an absolute bitch. Fancy having the temerity to look happy in the presence of her granddaughter. So presumptuous! You need to give her an ultimatum: "look glum or we'll go no contact"

She sounds like a completely normal grandparent who is happy to have a new grandchild and is willing to help out when given the chance. Your definitely looking into it way too much.

Best post ever

🤣. Agreed!

No problems there. Let it go and enjoy her intense interest it could be intense criticism!!

You are a weird lady. I hope your MIL doesn’t get hurt by your strange antics.

Definitely not

The "you just wait until..." comments are pretty standard and I get them a lot from a lot of people, just ignore.

I really don't see anything wrong in what MIL is doing.

Also, understand that having babies 30-40 years ago may have been harder in a lot of ways, or she didn't have the freedom to discuss the challenges at the time, so she is opening up the conversation for you to be able to have a moan. I know I certainly have a lot more information and support than my mum ever did when she had me.

Wish my MIL gave that much love and attention to my babies and husband.

Thank you everyone.

yes, I agree with majority MIL is being caring. From my original post, I do have good relationship with MIL. I would like to add that though my feeling was like me and DH relationship was constantly being looking over kind of observation.

she requested to DH for daily photo (which I did not object but I am not the one sending). DH initially passed the message to me and presumed me to do it but I think after he realised how demanding to nurse a baby - he would take photos and send them to MIL.

but what I didn’t like is I was very happy to to show photos and video to DH and his reply is can you send that to me (ie he then send to MIL) . I feel like my daily life just got exposed . I feel like those photos are between me and DH and baby. I felt those photos are more private. And there are photos I prefer to be shared to others to wider family. I didn’t say no to DH because also no reason to say I don’t want those photos send to MIL. Simply I feel not want to.

i guess is some sort of overprotection hormones kick in or it’s a matter of I prefer I share things when I want to but not MIL constantly digging what we are up to today, like can I see what you are doing everyday with grandchild.

Speaking as a grandma, I think a daily photo is way over the top. I love to see photos of my grandkids, but I see then when there's a reason that DD wants to share them, and the random unexpected photo via WhatsApp, from a day out, or when they've done something cute, is lovely. I don't need one once a day. That would just get routine and almost boring (sorry) after a while.

Get your DH to say that you'll send photos when there's a particularly nice one that you want to share, but that there won't be a daily one for the sake of it.

@saraclara Thanks! Agree about being routine and boring.

I did share cute photos with MIL but only when I really have a moment for myself and in the mood. So no way close to once a day.

And the more she chased for grandkid info , photos, what been up to , the more I feel resentful to do so. she would call to DH (and DH put her in loudspeaker) in a cheerful tone, asking where is her daily photo? we don't want to disappoint her being respectful to elderly but also as you said I personally do feel over the top (I can't say for DH).

I guess I reacted to her care because of how intense on interacting with her since baby was born. we were the only couple in the fam did not have children, and interaction with MIL usually during fam birthdays, xmas kind of time and in between those dates, me and DH just in our world enjoying ourselves. so after baby was born, I felt odd she just wanted to know everything to the extent that how we live our lives.

e.g when I mention my friends had a baby two months older and next question would be what friend is that, were they in your wedding- have I met him/her, how often you meet the friend. I was quite surprise from the questions because the main point in the conversation was saying something like my friend's baby similar age already do x y z. our baby can do x but not y z.

Thanks again for sharing grandparents' perspective.