To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

They are old enough - let them go.

Yes, let's reduce the children's life opportunities & experiences because their parents separated and their dad lives elsewhere. Excellent plan.

At 16 airline passengers are considered adults so not unaccompanied mibors

You don't need a US passport to go on holiday!

My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'

I think he’s right. They’re two 16-year-olds who are used to flying. There is absolutely no problem whatsoever with them getting on a plane.

They will be fine. They are sixteen, don’t baby them.

My son was flying on his own well before that age. If they are used to traveling then with two of them, they wil be fine. Make sure they have any relevant written permissions and let them go.

My 16 year old DD flew alone to the US and had to change flights.
Stop wrapping them in cotton wool. Their have each other and their dad is picking them up. YaBU

I would be very hesitant to let my fictional 16yos do this (my eldest is only 4!). However, if they're sensible and have done the journey before I think it's worth letting them go see their father. It would be so confidence boosting for all of you.

I didn't go away at 16 but at 19 I travelled around Scandinavia by myself. I once overslept and missed my train from Stockholm to Oslo, and despite there being no more trains that day I managed to get to Oslo later that day as I had an early flight the next day. This was before smart phones, so it was slightly more tricky!

Another thing to consider - how good would it be if they take the reins next time you go on holiday and deal with the airport side of things so you can enjoy your holiday that much more 😌

You’ll be fine op & so will they. This will be a fantastic experience for them. I just let my ds 15 fly a few hrs on his own for the 1st time last week & it made me realise how grown up he actually is.

@Dreamholidaynot I travelled as an unaccompanied minor to Asia at 14. DH has been doing it since the age of 10 (he boarded in the UK, parents in Asia). At 16 they will be absolutely fine!

Sorry OP but this all to do with your anxiety. It's so sad that you describe yourself as "terrified". It's a real shame that you can't be free from that and have an easier life.

It's also sad that you still see them as babies at 16. They're teenagers and as twins, they're used to "working together". I have twins and they probably could have done anything together!

As for the practical aspects that you worry about, airports are full of staff, and all your children need to do is know that if they don't know what to do or where to go they must ask someone. That's so important. On nearly every occasion, when someone gets into some kind of difficulty, it could have been avoided if they'd said to someone "please can you help me". And airport staff will always know what to do.

Bless you OP. I totally understand how you are feeling and I would be the same, They have each other and will have a wonderful time. Try not to worry too much 😊

Of course they can go, they have each other and they can call their parents if any help is needed. I'd let them go if they were 13

Get a grip.

You sound like a great parent OP, and you’ve done lots to try and avoid your anxiety impacting your children. This is a huge step for you, but I think you know that you’ve got to let them go. Let us know how they get on.

@Dreamholidaynot you can do this 💪 let them go and think about the sense of excitement and achievement they'll have for doing it on their own. Focus on the experience of NYC and the memories they'll make and some time with their Dad for his birthday. They'll be home before you know it. Next year it'll be party holidays with friends so it's actually good to get some experience of the airport on their own beforehand and it gives you a practice run too.

There's a lot to be said for two siblings travelling together - it means that if there are difficulties there are two heads to come up with a solution. One can explain while the other listens and thinks for example. My children managed a flight+train European trip - meeting up with a group 12 hours later - at about 14 and 16. My sister and I managed a flight, transferring to accommodation, buying meals for 3 days age 14 and 12 (long back story on that one, wasn't planned that way originally, our parents had to stay home with visiting relatives then catch up)

My middle DS flew to Edinburgh (they were 17) with a friend to look round the university. DS was familiar with our local airport but nothing else. Friend drove to the airport. They navigated the parking, the airport, public transport, found the uni and the B&B without incident. The flight home was cancelled due to high winds and they had to fly from Newcastle. They were tired and fed up but they had managed the whole trip without a problem.
Yes, I was anxious because this DS isn't very organised but when he has to, he absolutely steps up. Of course you will be worried but you have to let go of your kids at some point and they have to start practicing being grown ups.

I flew to Australia solo at 16. It was also my first flight.

We were diverted due to a sand storm and spent hours in the desert.

This was pre mobile phones.

I survived.

Let them go.

Presumably their passports are fine as you've just returned from Greece but as a LOT of people claim to have forgotten to renew kids passports just check they meet the requirements for America. Then take them to the airport so they can contact you if there is any problem re travelling and watch them through security if you must. Get them to text you when they are with their Dad.

Enjoy the time child free!

Requesting airport assistance could be an option, but for me I think it should be fine

I travelled from the US to the UK on my own when I was 10.

The flight was diverted to Frankfurt due to fog, and so we were meant hours late by the time we got back.

And... I was absolutely fine. I enjoyed the flight and felt very grown up.

Your DDs are nearly adults, and they have each other. It's a great opportunity for them, let them do it.