To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

Don't bully the OP! She's come back and acknowledged that this is about her fear, very graciously.

OP @Dreamholidaynot - don't think you're somehow mad for worrying. Worrying is allowed! It's entirely normal to worry that they may lose their passport/not find the departure gate/inadvertently have scissors in their hand luggage etc. As a mother it's pretty normal for those thoughts to cross your mind. What wouldn't be normal would be to allow those thoughts to prevent your DC going on holiday and then limit their development. It sounds like you have accepted this. It will be good for your twins' confidence to go and do this - even if there are an minor mishaps - but in addition it may do YOU the world of good. When they have a great time and come back safe and sound you may be able to reset your worry level down to something much more manageable - you will have broken the pattern of allowing anxiety to spoil things for you and by extension your DC. In the meantime, organise some nice things for you - lunch with friends, a weekend away etc.

At 17 my DS flew alone to a small place in the south east of Peru. 24 hour flight, 2 changes. London to Madrid, Madrid to Lima, Lima to small place. And back 3 weeks later ... Yes I was a bit anxious and very pleased he made it ok, but honestly we, as parents, have to lets young people have experiences....This is easy. two kids, parent at either end ... direct flight

I would be find with two 16 year olds travelling. They are getting dropped at airport, direct flight, are familiar with airport processes, are sensible and they have their dad meeting them at the other side.

That sounds like a great adventure for them, and actually pretty safe, with a parent at each end and presumably direct flights so it's not like they can get off at the wrong stop. You could also see if the plane staff can be advised that it's their first 'solo'/independent transatlantic flight, so cabin crew can help if they have any issues. In your shoes, I'd be a nervous wreck inside (phobia of flying) but I'd still encourage them to go and then just binge eat chocolate and watch Skyscanner until they land.

I put my 10 year old on a flight to visit relatives in a country where he didn't speak the language. It's not like they can get off at the wrong bus stop. I don't know if you still can but back then you could book for an unaccompanied minor so a flight attendant met them at check in and got them on the plane. At the other end he just followed everyone else.

He absolutely loved it.

A week after my 18th birthday, I moved to the US from India for university on my own. Definitely could have handled flying on my own at 16, would have been even easier with a same age friend or sister who had also done the journey before!

At 16 they can still have an escort, provided by the airline. Don't stop them because of your own insecurities.

If this were my children, I'd let them. It very well may be the case in a few years as my child still start to fly back and forth between the UK and their mother's country. By the time they're 16, I can imagine them being well versed in airport dos and don'ts.

Just wanted to say well done to you for not letting your anxiety rule your life and for pushing through. It can't have been easy but you've shown your boys that it's possible to live with and manage fears and anxiety instead of being crippled by them.

That will stand them in good stead and you should be proud that they're confident and capable. You raised them to be that way so have faith in your parenting and in your sons

Once upon a time the school leaving age in England was 16 - not that many years ago as my dd only missed it by 1 or 2 years.
Many of us left home at 16.

They are not ' alone ' they have each other, and you say they have flown before.

I would 100% trust my just turned 16 yo to travel on her own. She's smart, resourceful and competent.

I was born with a heart condition in the UK. We moved abroad for a few years. During that time I would fly out to the UK and meet my mom/dad there for check ups. I was 12 and 13. No biggie.
It will only be stressfull because you make it stressfull. Make parents were confident I could make it, so I felt confident.
Of you keep showing your kids you don't think they are capable, they won't be.

My mom printed a file before hand with everything. You could do the same. Printed file with ' this gate at this time, layover for xx minutes, flight at 20h50 therefore get to GATE 22 at 20h15. And there is a 'insert reatuarant' close to the gate so you could sit there.' etc
You could do that?

Also, OP, kindly, are you having help for your anxiety? It is great that you do push through it to do things your children will enjoy but it can’t be nice living feeling so worried about everything. London to New York is about the easiest route (even if you miss a flight, you can get on another one).

Have you flown much alone? In my late teens/early 20s, I flew so much alone between uni and home that I hated having anyone else with me at airports and on flights, I thought of them as “me time”!

Use the unaccompanied minor process. They will be looked after. Let them go

You’ve got this @Dreamholidaynot 💪🏻
The reward for your discomfort will be seeing their happiness and knowing that you’ve conquered your anxiety this time. They’ll be safe as houses, and this will become a positive and empowering experience for all three of you ❤️

Most airlines don’t provide escort or similar services for 16 year olds, though there are one or two exceptions (e.g. Air France).

Just to provide some context where I worked we had 18 year olds working as long haul cabin crew.

On a practical POV with the possible trip coming up inside a month once any booking is made I’d not delay seat selection if the twins want to sit together.

London to JFK is 8 hours. The worst thing that could happen (barring 'baddies') is they miss their flight. Parent at each end.

A friend of mine's daughter MOVED to the US alone, at just turned 18 - three flights, nobody to meet her, having never been on a plane before. She managed!

Let them go. At 15 my DF was in the Merchant Navy!

OP I totally understand your anxiety about it, but I'm also in the 'let them go' camp.
They will be together, for a start.
I did the trip many (many!) years ago - I was 15 (and a fairly immature 15 at that) and it was my last year of secondary, and I was fine. I don't remember much about it, but I was escorted by staff to the gate, got on plane, had my ear chewed off my an American lady for many hours, then met my mother at the other end.
I did have to get my GCSE results over the phone from my dad who'd picked them up for me (email did not exist then) - my god he drew that one out!!

You can book them on the unaccompanied minor service (which I think is optional for 15-17 year olds). Then they will be escorted to the gate.
The flight is 8 hours. They've done it before with you so they know what is involved. They are together and they will have a great time.
I presume they will be escorted when they land at the other side if you've booked unaccompanied minor and then their Dad will be there to pick them up.
Just let them go. They'll be fine.

I understand why you feel anxious, but they will be fine. You are seeing them on the plane (almost) and their Dad is meeting them the other end. They have each other. My DD wanted to go on a beach holiday with friends at 16, and I said no. But this feels way safer.

My DD also went to Uni at 17, about 3 hours away, so basically left home at 17!

You do if you are a US citizen! They won’t let you in on a foreign passport if you are a US citizen - which I assume they are if their father is American!

You can book them on the unaccompanied minor service (which I think is optional for 15-17 year olds)*

Depends on the airline..for example BA no longer provide any such service and where such a service exists age limits vary.

I am a dual citizen - US / UK