To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

Totally fine, can't see the issue 🤷‍♀️

Their 16 I don't actually think they need your permission and yes yabu I assume their dad is picking then up other end

Just what I was coming to say!

I cannot see what can befall them if they're seen through to security at LHR (or LGW) and met at arrivals at JFK. There will be plenty of staff at both airports to help them if they get a bit lost or whatever.

They will love it. Could send them via Dublin to get US immigration out of the way before the long leg.

@paddyclampster @nixon1976 @SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice @drhf @Charlottescobweb @ChimneyPot and others contributing about citizenship, this is all in hand and no applications required at the moment.
There is a lot in our background story that doesn't belong in this thread but it's all in hand. No issues to be had at immigration. I just thought I'd say that since you've spent time talking about that.

Well done Op on recognising that it’s your own anxiety & that you’ve now agreed to let them go.

It’s ok to be anxious, don’t beat yourself up about it. Agree with them some compromises to help you deal with it all. Messages at every stage “we’re through security, all ok” “found our gate, waiting to board” etc, more stages if u need it. Follow a flight tracker, it’s lovely feeling to see the “landed at ..” notification.
Ask their dad to message from his end when he gets to the airport & ask the twins to send a selfie as they meet him. Have a “what if” in place eg, if dad isn’t there, where they’ll wait until he arrives. If one gets held up in security/immigration where the other will wait etc.
They sound switched on & sensible so well done on raising Responsible, capable kids.
& look forward to hearing all about their experiences that you’ve helped create. 💐

as an aside, my mum still worries about me travelling & I have to send her messages at every stage…… I’m in my 50’s 🤣

Actually my DD was piloting a plane at 16

You're getting a compliment!

They’ll be fine OP! It’s a direct flight, right? I was a boarding school kid with parents on the other side of the world. I had no option but to take care of myself at airports and make sure I got on the plane on time. When I was 12 I went once as unaccompanied minor but once I was 13 I did it without help. And come to think of it for the first three years I had to change planes towards the end of the journey! It’ll be good for them!

Urgh I definitely wouldn't be asking them to be texting mummy constantly. This is totally unnecessary, irritating and more likely to cause problems. Plus if they can't contact you for whatever reason you will just be even more worried. Let them crack on and ask them to let you know once they're safely at dad's.

At 16 I went cycle touring round Europe with a friend. Before mobile phones existed. We sent our mums a postcard halfway through the week - that was it.

My friend and I did this at 15. It involved a change of flight, too, and was pre-mobile phones. I'm glad you are letting them go.

I hate flying, I have real anxiety with it (so much so that I’m not sure I’ll ever do it again), which affects my feeling about my own kids flying without me. They’re older now and my eldest (early twenties) has flown several times without me (with gf and with Uni). I found it stressful but as I said in an earlier post I track the flight. Not too often, every couple of hours depending on length of travel. Huge relief when I see it’s landed.

I’m on the other end of this being the parent that lives away. This year was the first year my DC travelled alone to me at 13. However, she travelled as an unaccompanied minor. I was very nervous, but the airline delivered her safely to me and to the plane and at the US end my ex was able to go all the way up to the gate with a gate pass from the airline.

American Airlines offers UM services up to 17. Would that be an option/compromise?

I’m sure they’ll be fine. Flight is more like 7hrs, not 13 hrs. There’s good enough guidance and ground staff at LHR who can help if needed.

I travelled alone from the age of 11. My dad was Egyptian so my mum used to take me to Heathrow and I’d fly and meet him in Cairo. The airport staff and airline staff all looked after me. I would let me kids go, especially when 16.

Mine flew without an adult from Canada when they were 14 and 12 together. They loved it and were perfectly fine

NRTFT but yes, massively unreasonable. I flew to Australia by myself when I was 9, to visit my aunt. I even had to change planes in Singapore. 16? They can technically get married, start a family and go to war. Let them fly to the US!

My son travelled alone to a football camp at age 15 (albeit only in Germany but it did involve changing planes!). He was perfectly fine and it was a really good experience for him, in that he seemed more mature when he came back.
Your two will be travelling together so they're not even going it alone! Let them go, they will have an amazing time!

My son flew from Milan to JFK on his own when he was 14. He was met at the other end. My daughter flew from Milan to Edinburgh via Heathrow when she was 13, but I think she had some assistance from BA staff. You might want to give them a letter stating they are going to visit their father and include his name and phone number, and also your contact details. I was stopped when in Toronto I was in transit with my grandson, and also once at Stansted, even though we share the same surname. But they will be fine, they will be together. You should be able to go to check-in with them, and then as far as security.

I started flying alone at 11 because I used to go to family overseas for the summer break. LHR to JFK is a 6 hour flight, the rest of the time they’re just in the airport, 4.5 hours max.

When I was a kid we had no mobile phones to keep in touch, no flight trackers and no entertainment on flights — they will be absolutely fine.

I live in the US and travel back and forth to Europe multiple times a year. I see unaccompanied kids on almost every transatlantic flight, usually much younger than 16!

They are half American, they should be going back and forth. Don’t let your anxiety affect and impact them.

London to JFK is never 13 hours, it is about 7 hours.

I understand the worry; they're young, and they're your kids. You never stop worrying about them, no matter how old they are. Probably more so the older the get, to be honest!

But, realistically, how much can they get up to in the airport? And once they're on the plane, they can only go to JFK.

Make sure they have access to money for snacks and drinks in the airport, and some form of entertainment.

Tell them to text you when they're getting on the plane, and again as soon as they're able to after they land.

The airport staff will be well versed in young people travelling on their own and will look out for them. They'll be fine.

I personally would wait till they were at least 18. I’m trying to remember being 16 and don’t think I’d have coped.