To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

This is incorrect. If they are US citizens and have US passports then they must enter and leave the US on their US passports.

If you have not applied for US citizenship/passports then they travel on UK passports with an ESTA.

They are nearly adults. Unless they are very immature for their age, there is no reason why they can't get on a plane.

I travelled to the US on my own when I was 15 and changed planes at JFK. No biggie.

I responded this because we have discussed them going to Uni in America and I'm getting very used to the idea. We went to visit some unis the last time. So if he said they should start early, it's something I can get on board with if they wanted to.
My fear is around travel, not about living with him.
Hope that clarifies.

How sad you're letting your poor mental health impact your children's lives.

Maybe go with them then. Spend your own money on flights so you can shepherd your babies to new York and then stay nowhere near them for a week or go home the next day.

Seconded. Don't make your children's lives smaller in order to get back at your ex. They will resent you for it.

One tiny piece of good news, as I haven't seen it mentioned - if they're entering the USA on an ESTA that's already been registered (on your previous trip to the US with the same ESTA) they can fast track through immigration at JFK. Lines may still be long to start the process, but basically they just enter their info on a screen, take a selfie, scan their passport "face page", print everything off and in hand the printouts on the way out. They may not even have to talk with a person at all.

Baddies?😂

The 'baddies' are those people who leap on board, at 40K feet, kidnap a couple of 16 year old and leap out with parachutes, a la Mission Unlikely.

They will be safer on a transatlantic flight than on the bus into town! On landing they follow the rest of their flight to baggage collection etc and, if they do get lost in the airport then they do speak English in New York!

Are you being unreasonably? Yes. Very.

Some information about US citizenship here is incorrect. Your parent can be a citizen and you not be if you haven't applied for citizenship. You are entitled to citizenship but not everyone 'claims' their citizenship.
Why they haven't applied for citizenship is a whole 'nother story (not for this thread) so I'll leave citizenship issues out.
They went with their ESTAs and the authorities were well aware.

I think that UMs are up to 12, with some airlines, there may be a watered down version of UM covering young teenagers but I really wouldn't embarrass them!

I travelled alone at 6 years old as an unaccompanied minor and then as an exchange student at the age of 15. No issue at all.

What a stupid post. Telling OP not to make her lives smaller when she's doing nothing of the sort, you're referencing another poster even.

16 is more than fine for one flight. My 16 yo travelled back from Australia alone this year. He has done that trip many times though with me, at least 16 times.

Just make sure they are well clued up to answer the questions at immigration - and that they clearly know:
When their return flight is
Where they are staying (address, not just a city/town)
When they last visited the USA, and for what purpose
The purpose of their visit

All very straightforward questions in theory, but which can flummox a sleep-deprived, tired, stressed adult and may well do the same to a 16yo.

The US immigration people can be very terse and blunt, and their questions can feel intimidating, but if they have their answers to hand it will help matters.
Also check they know how to fill in the immigration/landing doc (assuming these are still needed).

"Agree about the tax. But I like having both. I think the kids in the OP would need to be careful that they didn’t tell border control they had an American father though".

This. US immigration can be very grumpy about US citizens (which it will consider they are even if they haven't applied) not travelling on US passports even if they haven't got one...

American DP was told this rather robustly a couple of times when he travelled with DSC there before they had a US passport. The second time they threatened to not let them back in again without one!

However in his case it was obvious as he is clearly American the moment he speaks ;-) and was of course travelling on his US passport. If they can fasttrack as a PP says that will make life much easier.

Mine managed the same journey at 13 and 15 without incident (or killing each other). 7 hours of straight TV! They even got an upgrade.

There are two of them so not alone. They have been on flights and through airports before. Presumably their dad has planned to meet them at the destination. You too are aware of their itinerary. They probably have phones. I would let them. Perhaps give the airline a heads-up to keep an eye on them but the trip sounds fabulous.

They'll need the MPC app for this, used it a few times and when it works, it's very good but it doesn't always work at JFK and they'll need to fill in form on the app before they travel and then remember to to take their selfie as soon as they get into the terminal and 'submit'! It's very good when it works!

I understand your worries and concerns, but I think as they will be together and Dad will meet them at the other end, then you do need to let them travel. They will have an awesome time and they will have so much to tell you about when they return.
Other passengers will probably check that they are ok as they wait to board etc, I know that I would.
Please post when they return and let us all know they had a brilliant time.

You know ultimately if they're independent enough. In their favour (other than being 16 and technically old enough).

There's two of them.
They've flown to the states before
Once there they will be supervised

I wish there was a way for people to separate out the things I've said so they see that I very quickly heard the overwhelming voice of 'let them go'! 😄

I'm certainly not wanting to keep them from being with their dad. I would escort them myself if I could. Also, I want them to travel alone if it's right to. I can deal with my own self.

I travel often (mostly because if them) and also alone but I hate flying. I got help for it which let me travel this much but still don't like it at all. What I haven't got help for is letting my children fly off on their own with me not being there for them if something went wrong 😭 But I know I can't always be there and they must do these things. I just haven't felt ready for it.

So yes, they will go. I've told him already.

Thank you all again for sharing your stories! Really amazing! I didn't know teens all over have been flying off on their own!

Great. DPs issue may have been exacerbated by him being the only adult with them and travelling on a US passport whilst they were on a UK one, which I guess made them stand out. Or he might just have a got a grumpy guard!

I’d let them go.

My 15 yo has just flown to Berlin on her own for an exchange and been completely fine. I know it’s a lot further but the bit when you’re up in the air is the easy bit - nothing could really go wrong at that point.

And dad will presumably meet them at JFK?

Plus there’s two of them.

Let them go. I have twins. They look out for each other. Mine went in holiday abroad last year together. They won't be alone and there are multiple people to help them. Definitely let them go.