To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

I’m an anxious person but would like my teens do this at that age. It will be good for their confidence. You need to show them that you can trust them and that it’s fine. Don’t let them pick up on your anxiety. They will be fine.

There’s 2 of them and they speak the local language in both countries. 16 is a great age for something like this.

They are 2 years off going to uni and being an adult. Stopping them now is delaying the first time that you have to cope with this milestone and it might be a more politically unsafe country where English isn’t the spoken language next time. Waiting a year or two isn’t going to make any practical difference - there will still be a first time that you have to bite the bullet and deal with your feelings.

let them go

I think this would be a great gift to give them. Traveling alone internationally can help young people, and adults for that matter, gain confidence in managing their way in life.

@Dreamholidaynot for goodness sake, get a grip!! in scotland, yes just up the road from you, they are allowed to vote, get married, have sex, leave school, live alone etc etc!! they are adults!

I would let them go because their relationship with their dad is important, they are growing up and it sounds like a fabulous trip.

Id be in bits,I would be worried sick but I would try to hide that and let them go. I think it’s one of the hardest parts of parenting but making the independent so they don’t need you and can go off into the big wide world is our ultimate job. It just hurts like buggery and is absolutely terrifying at every step.

Baddies?😂

The 'baddies' are those people who leap on board, at 40K feet, kidnap a couple of 16 year old and leap out with parachutes, a la Mission Unlikely.
They will be safer on a transatlantic flight than on the bus into town!

In a current US context, "baddies" (OK, twee word, but we know what it means) are less likely James Bond-level contortionists and most likely the nondescript guys who pop up in news stories accused of sexually touching the stranger in the next seat while said stranger is asleep on a flight. There have been a rash of these stories in the news recently, but the fact that they are news at least means it's still pretty rare. All anyone can do in this case is make sure the teens have seats together (on a transatlantic flight you may even find two seats together on their own) and know to look out for each other and to have the confidence to speak up loudly and clearly if anything seems "off".

I've travelled all over the place mostly solo for years and I don't see the point in shaming someone for considering bad actors as a relevant factor when travelling.

@Dreamholidaynot

I know it's tough letting our babies go, stay strong for them, fixed fake smile dropping off at the airport and have a packet of tissues ready for when you get back to the car. Thinking of you.

You've made the right call.

You know your children.
Your twins sound like sensible young men who can handle the airport and the flight.

Dreamholidaynot, you've asked a question. The overwhelming answer is that yes, you're being unreasonable. You've reflected on it, accepted it and agreed.

That's very refreshing. Fair dues.

You are incorrect. If they are US citizens, and they would be by birth as born of a US citizen so no application to be a citizen is required, then they are required to enter and leave the US on a U.S. passport.

from US Dept of State https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/before-you-go/travelers-with-special-considerations/Dual-Nationality-Travelers.html

• You must enter and leave the United States on your U.S. passport. You are not allowed to enter on your foreign passport, because U.S. law requires all U.S. citizens to enter and depart the U.S. on a valid U.S. passport. U.S. citizens are not eligible for a U.S. visa.
• If your child is a citizen of the United States, they are not eligible for a U.S. visa. This is true even if you have not taken steps to document them as a U.S. citizen. If you want to enter or depart the United States with your child who is a U.S. citizen, you must obtain a U.S. passport for your child.

Unless there are additional reasons to be concerned that you haven’t shared my thoughts are that it is a wonderful opportunity for them to develop some more independence, spend time with their farther, have fun etc. If you’re concerned they won’t cope, discuss different scenarios through with them to help them think about what they could do. Also perhaps make some plans for yourself too!

You will be on tenterhooks until they land, so would suggest an activity where you have no access to flightracker!

So what? I was born and raised in U.K. and am a U.S. citizen from birth because my mum was an American.

Yes, in the past there would have been “no issues” but the law has changed.

I first flew on my own to US when I was 13 to visit my dad. When I was 16, I flew on my own from London on a tour of US colleges- including flights and train and coach journeys - to 7 different cities across America. I had friends in most places that I was meeting and staying with but I always had to make my own way too and from the airports/train stations and in one I was just in a hotel. I had an amazing time and no problems. You know your kids best, but most 16-year-olds would be absolutely fine.

Are you reading the right thread? Every single response of mine has been in agreement with all the answers!

As two completely normal 16yr olds [no SEN or disablement] I would have no reservations in sending them solo to another English speaking, first world country. Bonus that there is two of them travelling.

Be sure and tell them not to chat to anyone in the taxi line :)

Actually, I've lost the plot😄. Yes, you are right. I agree with everyone! Thank you 😪

They're 16! They'll be fine

I’m not dubious about them going, I am saying they should travel alone ok, but if they have an American father (per the OP) that means they are US citizens born abroad and as such are required by US law to enter and leave the US on US passports.

Surely you’d not send 16yr olds to US Immigration with the wrong paperwork ? And risk them being interrogated at the border all alone?

My 16 yo did London to Singapore last week alone, she loved it and can’t wait to do it again!

Probably preferable to travelling with her little siblings tbh.

On the citizenship, if,prior to your children’s birth, your ex has spent 5 years physically in the US at least 2 of which were before the age of 14, your children acquired US citizenship at birth and should only enter the US in a US passport.
immigration won’t know that so won’t stop them.

if your ex did not meet the physical presence test and your children want to go to college in the US you should apply for naturalisation before the turn 18 as it makes it much easier, improves their entitlement to financial aid and allows them to access more jobs and internships.

If you are worried about them going through immigration get them to fly via Dublin so they can clear immigration there. You could even do that leg with them if you are very anxious.

Well done OP! It's hard to let go of anxiety when our youngsters start to explore the world. I am so pleased you have had a change of heart and decided to let them go. I faced exactly the same anxiety with my 16 yr old DD who planned and saved for a trip to South Africa with an older friend. At the point of buying the tickets the friend pulled out. After a great deal of soul searching and talking to the person who would be supervising the stay in SA and long discussions with the travel agent we let her go. She travelled from Heathrow to Durban with a stop over in Dubai and arrived happily and safely at the other end and the same on return. It was an amazing experience for her and the journey went without a hitch.