SIL just makes me cringe

[Loopylou83]

SIL is a 5 years older than me and is DH’s sister. She is the eldest of all the siblings DH also had a brother.

Whilst I’ve tried to get along with her, I just find her incredibly cringeworthy in the way she texts, speaks and acts.

She is single after a rather acrimonious divorce and for the last 4 years has lamented about her ex-husband. The rest of DH’s family enable her to play the victim. Every problem is magnified 10x over and the way she behaves you would think nobody else has ever had problems.

When I married DH, her brother, she would send me lots of messages along the lines of she’s always wanted a sister and how we can confide in each other etc. I’ve already got a sister and there’s no way I would confide in her.

I find her unpredictable and you never know what version you’re going to get. She can be incredibly rude and patronising one time and the next acts like she is trying (too hard) to be your best friend.

A while ago we were out with the MIL, her mum, for a birthday lunch. She was flirting at the waiter and then turned to MIL and myself and said it was obvious he fancied her. It was cringeworthy.

Every photo DH or the other brother puts on Facebook or WhatsApp she’s all over it telling them both how good they like with comments like “looking GOOD LITTLE BRO Lots of love BIG SIS” xxxx DHs brother was out a while ago and had had a caricature done. He was joking about it and she she said that the caricaturist was obviously blind as her DH was MUCH BETTER LOOKING than his photo.

I have slowly distanced myself from her as I find her too much - too much drama. This weekend we’ve been treated to various head and shoulder selfies of her enjoying the sunshine with off the shoulder numbers. DH and other brother just thumbs up the pictures but her behaviour just makes me feel embarrassed and it hasn’t gone unnoticed that I’ve stopped putting anything in the family chat.

Is she just cringey or AIBU?!

Just be civil when you meet and leave it at that. You sound like you don't like her tbh. I wouldn't like the flirting with the waiter but re her comments on social media I'd just like her pics if I saw them and move on. I have a cousin the same, he's all "Hey Big Cuz how you doing? love you!" etc I just reply something like "Enjoying the sunshine" or "Battling the wind, rain and work haha". We rarely meet and it's seems a bit false- he's in another country. But it keeps the peace and I hardly think of him tbh.

I can't think why your husband is sharing details about your sex life with his sister. Surely you've addressed that?

She sounds a lot, but I think she’s overcompensating after her divorce. She’s obviously not over it yet and feels a bit damaged.

I think you’re lucky she wants to be your friend.
You don’t sound like someone I’d like to be friends with.
She may not know how to behave around you.

I think you make her nervous.

I wonder why?

Seems reasonable. On the other hand just ignore her. She's your SIL not your pal.

She sounds very similar to my actual sister - be grateful that she’s one step removed from you! My sister has always been a bit cringey and dramatic. For me the annoying thing with the social media posts are how over the top about how amazing we all are, when she doesn’t seem to like any of us very much in real life 😂. Things like, we’ll go out for lunch with mum, she’ll spend the whole time ignoring us or being snappy and rude, and then put up a photo with something like, “So grateful for special family times ❤️ so blessed”.

Honestly, I just scroll on. If she sends something cringey to the family chat, I sometimes thumbs up it and sometimes do a swerve, e.g. if she sends a photo of her with a duckface pose in the sunshine I’ll say something like, “oh that reminds me, we’re thinking of booking a holiday to X next year, has anyone been?” Dodges the obvious desire of hers for everyone to validate how she looks in the photo without looking like I’m trying to be a bitch.

I get what people are saying about her sounding fun, and my sister definitely can be a lot of fun - she just seems to have the mental age of a 17 year old. A lot of fun, but also a lot of hard work.

Yeah, no matter how much you dripfeed, I still think you're the one who looks bad, not your SIL.

Apart from her wearing off the shoulder tops in Summer, I mean that's terrible and obviously a hanging offence 🙄

It sounds like you just don't like her and now analyse and criticise her every action. She just sounds quite bubbly and affectionate towards her siblings if anything!

Inviting his sister into his bedroom?! I hope not 🤣

Sounds like you’re jealous of her relationship with your DH! 😬

I would feel the same about this infantile lemon. She sounds diagnosable.

This is life. Some people are a bit irritating. It's not a real problem. Just give her photo a thumbs up and move on like everyone else. If it's your biggest family issue then be happy you've hit the jackpot.

I haven't heard this old mn saying in a while so here you go:

Smile and nod op, smile and nod

🤣🤣

M. Night Shyamalan, I see you.

She does sound a bit attention seeking and possibly annoying but I can relate to that because it can stem from having low self esteem and wanting people to like you. I cringe at myself sometimes too :( If you give her a chance and try to get to know her on a deeper level, she might surprise you. Am sure she must have some good points.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not literally (I hope), but someone must be telling her what's happening/not for her to be so presumptuous. Given OP can't stand her, it's most likely him.

Quietly distance yourself. Stop following her on social media. Let her live her life how she wants and you live yours.

Ignore her. If she asks why you haven't rang her . Tell her your mouth was round her db's penis.
She won't ever ring you again....

Yes, say this. Ignore all her calls and when she asks why say you were having sex with her brother so couldnt get to the phone. She cant complain about it can she after her previous comment?

It sounds like she just isn’t your sort of person (you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family & all that).

She does sound a little immature.

Personally - I would stop following her on SM (you’re not 15, so no need to and disengage). Take her with a pinch of salt and step back (for your own sanity).

My own DSI is a cold fish. She’s cold, unwelcoming and doesn’t bother engaging with me. When she got pissed & had a massive go at me (for no reason apart from she was pissed and wanted to pick a fight) with me & her other SIL at a family funeral, she marked her own card as far as I was concerned and I have stopped making any effort with her.

Good luck 🤞

Yes, don’t let it turn into an obsession. That much resentment every day will screw you up.

She may be a bit over the top, but I dont find it cringworthy, some people like the sort of attention she is giving.
You already decided at the start she will not be worthy of your affection, which was a bit cruel, you can confide in someone who is not your sister.
But if you feel unfomrtoable around her, then that's cool too, just dont engage much and focus on other things in your life.

DHs brother was out a while ago and had had a caricature done. He was joking about it and she she said that the caricaturist was obviously blind as her DH was MUCH BETTER LOOKING than his photo.

I don't understand this bit @Loopylou83

Why would SIL be talking about her (ex?) husband in relation to her brother?

You sound mean.