SIL just makes me cringe

[Loopylou83]

SIL is a 5 years older than me and is DH’s sister. She is the eldest of all the siblings DH also had a brother.

Whilst I’ve tried to get along with her, I just find her incredibly cringeworthy in the way she texts, speaks and acts.

She is single after a rather acrimonious divorce and for the last 4 years has lamented about her ex-husband. The rest of DH’s family enable her to play the victim. Every problem is magnified 10x over and the way she behaves you would think nobody else has ever had problems.

When I married DH, her brother, she would send me lots of messages along the lines of she’s always wanted a sister and how we can confide in each other etc. I’ve already got a sister and there’s no way I would confide in her.

I find her unpredictable and you never know what version you’re going to get. She can be incredibly rude and patronising one time and the next acts like she is trying (too hard) to be your best friend.

A while ago we were out with the MIL, her mum, for a birthday lunch. She was flirting at the waiter and then turned to MIL and myself and said it was obvious he fancied her. It was cringeworthy.

Every photo DH or the other brother puts on Facebook or WhatsApp she’s all over it telling them both how good they like with comments like “looking GOOD LITTLE BRO Lots of love BIG SIS” xxxx DHs brother was out a while ago and had had a caricature done. He was joking about it and she she said that the caricaturist was obviously blind as her DH was MUCH BETTER LOOKING than his photo.

I have slowly distanced myself from her as I find her too much - too much drama. This weekend we’ve been treated to various head and shoulder selfies of her enjoying the sunshine with off the shoulder numbers. DH and other brother just thumbs up the pictures but her behaviour just makes me feel embarrassed and it hasn’t gone unnoticed that I’ve stopped putting anything in the family chat.

Is she just cringey or AIBU?!

If your DH is telling her about your sex life that sounds like you have a DH problem.

@Loopylou83
DH " told me next time to tell her to fuck off and give as good as she gives."

It sounds like he knows what she is like and has your back and doesn't expect you to put up with any nonsense from her like inappropriate comments about your sex life.

So I guess that means you have a free reign to bow out and answer back if she does make comments like that about you again.

Why do people do this? As soon as they don't get a reply they don't like, they add a very significant 'fact'.

I don’t post photos of myself on social media, or really comment above a like on other people’s.

But honestly, I don’t understand your issue. Why are you embarrassed on her behalf? What does what she is posting on social media have to do with you?

You don’t like the way she comments on her own brothers posts? And what?

It’s so patronising to be embarrassed by her just being her.

If she is saying stuff about your and your dhs sex life, tell her you don’t like it and to pack it in. But I find it really weird that, that’s the big thing here and you completely forgot about it for your op and dripped it in when people started not agreeing with you.

It actually comes across as though you might be a little bit jealous. Maybe because she isn’t as reserved as you? Do you wish you could be less reserved?

I think through what you describe in the original post she sounds lonely and insecure after a divorce and she’s reaching for validation. I do think you sound a bit mean girls ish. I find some of my relatives a bit cringe and no doubt plenty of them find me cringe from time to time but that's just life and we all fit round each other. With only the OP to go on I would say just unfollow her on socials rather than gearing up to get wound up by whatever she does.

The second post of yours about the sex life stuff changes things a bit, but it’s odd that you didn't include it to begin with to be honest as it’s the one thing that is genuinely a bit much. if it genuinely happened like that, and your husband didn't make any comments, then yes it’s weird, and nobody would genuinely cast you as unreasonable for having an issue with it. you’re an adult and you can just distance yourself from her

So you don't like your sil. Ok. I hope you felt better after writing it down.
Your dh and bil will love her of course. She is their sister.
Not much you can or should do about that.

It’s a bit grim that your DH is discussing his sex life with his sister and moaning to her that he’s not getting enough.

Ugh. Now that is cringeworthy!

What did he say when you addressed that with him?

It's ok not to like her OP but to be honest, it sounds from your original post that you feel you're just a bit above her and that she's not quite good enough for you.

My SIL is a complete drama queen, aggressively confrontational, dreadful with money, last had a job in the 1980s (she lasted two hours into a shift before walking off and going home when her sister found her a good job about ten years ago), behaves as though her three adult children (all self-supporting and in their 30s) need full time attention, obsesses about housework, and went off to a spa claiming nervous prostration for several days after her son got married, rather as though she had just organised the Olympics at short notice.

And you know what? I’m really fond of her.

We could not be more different, we’d never be friends, but she’s sharp, funny and good company a lot of the time.

OP you posted about SIL commenting on your lack of bedroom action/ social media a couple of weeks ago.You got lots of good advice on that thread

You sound like the drama lama just looking for problems. She’s different to you, so what? To call her cringey for posting nice comments and ‘head and shoulder photos’ WTAF!? Get over yourself.

And yes, MASSIVE drip feed in your second post but it doesn’t take away from the general ‘mean girl’ vibes of your first.

You obviously don't like her so keep your distance and unfollow her on social media if she bothers you that much

i think you need to chill a bit - or quite a lot. she is different from you, and is probably trying to connect though her jokes and remarks are off-beam. Can you not cut her some slack, accept how she is, maybe not very socially skilled, and laugh it off a bit more?

Why is your husband telling his family about issues in his sex life? I would be furious with him.

Your dislike of your SIL is very low rated compared to the problems in your marriage I would have thought?

You are both just very different. I do feel I have to point out you thinking the family are enabling her etc- she had a husband, now doesn’t- if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s never assume you’d act differently if it happened to you- I’ve always thought I was a strong, non moaney positive person until the shit hit the fan, now I’ve realised I can be moaney, negative and whiney. You never know until it happens to you.

You do come across a bit mean really, she hasn't done anything awful apart from that later bit you added which sounds odd, like pp said that's a bit of a dh problem! You don't have to actively like her but you're definitely in the wrong for not just making an effort, she's your husband's sister and she does try.

I do get it.

I have a super annoying SIL that is very different from me, a bit of drama queen, know it all and generally believes that the family revolve around her. She drives me insane a lot of the time with her nonsense but after several decades I try to remember her positives, she's industrious, brave, tenacious and genuinely cares about her family and friends. She's a wonderful aunt too (although my kids are also irritated by her behaviour at times!!). She will always annoy me so I know that I can only spend so long with her but I also recognise that she is a good person and I can enjoy her company in that limited time frame!!!!

She does sound annoying. I find grown adults who post endless selfies on social media really cringey.

She sounds amazing compared to mine - want to swap?

So do I because I don't take selfies, but it wouldn't make me not like a friend.

Yep! Surely bad mouthing your family would be at the very top of the list as to why you don't like her (although not sure about making you "cringe").

The bit about your sex life I find quite hard to believe tbh - I just can't imagine a grown woman referencing her brother's sex life at all, let alone to his wife!

I don’t know why you are so bothered. The older generation of my family post endless nonsense on Facebook, bare shouldered selfies and all. We all “like” them because it’s polite, kind and takes 2 seconds to make them feel good. In return, we get lots of compliments and comments on our family WhatsApp on the million photos and videos of the kids which make us feel happy.

You are just two different people but at least she is making an effort!

Yes, also agree I’d prefer a night out with the SIL too!! She sounds a lot less drama.

Preach.

Crikey, I wish I had little enough going on that I had time to wind myself up over stuff like this!