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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp doesn’t like my new hair style

155 replies

Sourgrapes2 · 12/08/2024 05:19

Had it cut shorter yesterday after seeing a bob style that I liked. He pulled a face and didn’t seem very pleased, said he likes ‘long hair better’. Now I’m feeling like I’m now unattractive to him. What would you do?

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 12/08/2024 17:10

It's your hair, you're entitled to have it exactly as you like.
He's really shallow. You're still the same person.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 12/08/2024 17:14

I once had my hair cut into a shorter bob and instantly knew I'd fucked up, DH didn't like it either so felt like shit about it. However, if I'd loved it and thought it looked good on me I think I wouldn't have given two shits what he thought. Do you like it OP?

OhmygodDont · 12/08/2024 17:15

Normallynumb · 12/08/2024 17:10

It's your hair, you're entitled to have it exactly as you like.
He's really shallow. You're still the same person.

Oh come on. If she op came on posting that her dh was now some 30st man that she no longer finds attractive nobody would be telling her his the same man.

People are attracted to what they are attracted too. Now he might come to love her new hair or he might not. His allowed a preference without it making him shallow.

You going to tell me you never rejected a date because of something about their appearance? I doubt it.

Beth216 · 12/08/2024 17:29

I'd rather someone told the truth than lie. I hate liars even if they think they're being nice, it's just fake and patronising.

Did you ask him what he thought? If so then it's definitely best not to ask questions you don't want an honest answer to. If you didn't then it would have been better if he just didn't say anything or just said it's nice but he prefers it longer.

KnitFastDieWarm · 12/08/2024 17:58

BeatsAntique · 12/08/2024 06:03

Everyone has preferences, but it’s ultimately up to you how you wear your hair. If you’re happy with it and think it looks nice that’s the main thing.

My DP has a very big beard and moustache and I really don’t like it when he doesn’t have it. Obviously I still love and find him attractive, I just find him more attractive with it.

Yes to hairy men ❤DP has a glorious beard and while he’s stunning without it (he didn’t have it when i met him), i’d be sad if he shaved it.

If he asked me which I preferred, I’d tell him, but ultimately it’s his choice.

@Sourgrapes2 did you ask him for his opinion, or did he just volunteer it?

KnitFastDieWarm · 12/08/2024 18:07

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2024 09:35

😂 Not a flattering photo of dh. The colour soooo doesn’t suit him. My dd, then 15 chose it last year. This is him wearing it on holiday last year…

I actually really like this! Very 1950s, he should wear it with doc martens and jeans (and brylcreemed hair 😁)

Kudos to him to wearing something a bit quirky and with a bit of colour in it, that’s a very attractive trait in a man

SpanThatWorld · 12/08/2024 20:26

Frasers · 12/08/2024 15:55

Love it when someone comes on crowing their attraction transcends the physical 😂

Yeah. I'm still attracted to the person I love when his hair is a different length.

mammaCh · 12/08/2024 20:45

I wouldn't care in the slight.
It's my hair, only I have to like it!

ForGreyKoala · 12/08/2024 23:13

Inspireme2 · 12/08/2024 09:18

Give me a man who ever wont say oh it would be nice abit longer.
I bet its a nice stylish cut.
Men pfft, same hair cut everytime for him?

I give you my exDH, who actually preferred short hair. Not all men are the same you know.

Mojinka · 12/08/2024 23:17

CosmicDaisyChain · 12/08/2024 06:18

Next time he’s in the shower pull a face then tell him you like them longer.

🤣🤣🤣

On another note, he'll get used to it and it'll grow back. Hopefully he knows how hair works.

Byt why r u so upset about his stupid reaction to this point op? It's your hair, your style. He must've liked your style given you're together. Be more confident! A bob sounds lovely.

Greategret · 13/08/2024 05:52

I still remember my own try with a chin length bob with horror. To be fair I only got it because I was growing out a hideous fringe and didn't want to weaken and get the fringe recut. Having a square jaw and hair with a tendency to frizz, it was a very unfortunate look.

twentysevendresses · 13/08/2024 10:39

I was recently dumped by a man I'd been dating for 8 months because he didn't like my hair change!

I was 'long blond' when we met...then a few weeks ago I had it cut (not short, just 'shorter') and went back to my natural 'strawberry blond'. It genuinely never occurred to me to tell him what I was getting done to my hair, however, he immediately told me that I'd 'shifted the goalposts of our relationship' as he 'only dated women with long blond hair'!!! WTF 🤣🤦‍♀️

His loss 🤷‍♀️

greengreyblue · 13/08/2024 11:10

@twentysevendresses what a tosser. You’re well rid!

Dweetfidilove · 13/08/2024 11:12

He doesn't need to like it, because no-one likes everything/everyone has preferences.

If you like it, nothing else matters.

AugustAlready · 13/08/2024 11:19

Bumpingaround · 12/08/2024 06:31

A lot of the responses in this thread really play into the stereotype of sensitive female that husbands have to lie to in order to keep the peace.

Tell him you prefer it longer next time you see him naked? Tell him you prefer Jason Mamoa? Christ, grow up. He’s not criticised the OP’s physical appearance that she can’t change, he’s not been mean, he’s not said he doesn’t find her attractive, heck he’s not even said he doesn’t like her new hairstyle! He’s just said he prefers it longer!

My husband and I have passed comment on each other’s hair before, clothes, new shoes etc. I might say I’m not keen on a shirt he’s bought. If he replied, “well I prefer larger breasts than yours” or “I’d rather be married to Jennifer Aniston”, I’d be horrified and rightly offended. But usually it’s just a “ah, I really like it”, and the conversations moves on. Commenting on a hair cut, clothing, choice of make up or anything that can be changed isn’t insulting unless you’re mean about it. Saying he preferred the OP’s hair before she had it cut doesn’t mean he deserves to be hanged. I think a lot of the PPs are very sensitive.

Edited

@Bumpingaround

oh come on now!! Don't be all normal & reasonable, it's just not the MN WAY!!

( it's good to know there are some 'ordinary/normal people left!!)

Frasers · 13/08/2024 11:21

Dweetfidilove · 13/08/2024 11:12

He doesn't need to like it, because no-one likes everything/everyone has preferences.

If you like it, nothing else matters.

What a pointless comment. The op wants him to like it. That’s the whole point of the thread 😂

Dweetfidilove · 13/08/2024 11:23

Frasers · 13/08/2024 11:21

What a pointless comment. The op wants him to like it. That’s the whole point of the thread 😂

What's pointless is thinking everyone likes everything. OP might want him to like it, but he doesn't, and that's within his right.

RishiIsACuntWaffle · 13/08/2024 11:23

Sweetteaplease · 12/08/2024 05:38

Agree. Most men prefer longer hair. Plenty of women today saying how they don't like beards

Tbf beards have much bigger impact than short or.long hair. Kissing that 🤢

Sourgrapes2 · 13/08/2024 12:16

Tbh, I prefer my hair now. It looks much healthier imo. Dp seems in a huff

OP posts:
Sourgrapes2 · 13/08/2024 12:18

twentysevendresses · 13/08/2024 10:39

I was recently dumped by a man I'd been dating for 8 months because he didn't like my hair change!

I was 'long blond' when we met...then a few weeks ago I had it cut (not short, just 'shorter') and went back to my natural 'strawberry blond'. It genuinely never occurred to me to tell him what I was getting done to my hair, however, he immediately told me that I'd 'shifted the goalposts of our relationship' as he 'only dated women with long blond hair'!!! WTF 🤣🤦‍♀️

His loss 🤷‍♀️

Well, at least you now know he wasn’t with you for you. Lucky escape

OP posts:
Hateam · 13/08/2024 16:25

twentysevendresses · 13/08/2024 10:39

I was recently dumped by a man I'd been dating for 8 months because he didn't like my hair change!

I was 'long blond' when we met...then a few weeks ago I had it cut (not short, just 'shorter') and went back to my natural 'strawberry blond'. It genuinely never occurred to me to tell him what I was getting done to my hair, however, he immediately told me that I'd 'shifted the goalposts of our relationship' as he 'only dated women with long blond hair'!!! WTF 🤣🤦‍♀️

His loss 🤷‍♀️

Did you date Rod Stewart?

twentysevendresses · 13/08/2024 16:32

Hateam · 13/08/2024 16:25

Did you date Rod Stewart?

Haha he was clearly cut from the same cloth! 🤣

sunnywithmeatbols · 13/08/2024 17:26

I read some survey years ago that said that men generally like women's hair to stay how it was when they met.

The theory is that even men who don't profess to have 'a type', will have strong residual attraction to the person's physical appearance when they were 'falling in love' in that early lust stage. For men who do 'have a type' its even stronger.

So if he likes blondes with long blonde hair, that's his type, and that's how you looked when you got together he will want you to stay that way.

If he's more relaxed but you had long blonde hair when you got together, he will get those same nostaglic lustful vibes associated with that time - a bit the same way that some aftershave can have the same effect on a woman - if it reminds you of the hot exbf who always wore it.

Women are the same but notice it less because men rarely have radical changes to their hair length or colour by choice. Beards or facial hair are a better comparator for women

It's no different from finding a man less attractive because he grows a beard or gets fat.

He's entitled not to like it. You are entitled to have your hair how you like. Just how he's entitled to grow a beard or shave it off and you are entitled not to like it.

Question is how strongly do both people feel about it and why ( for the one who doesn't like the change: genuine issue/affect on attraction or just general grumbling or control issueand and for the one who has made the change: whether they love it or could live with out it or whether they will feel upset/controlled) nad whether it's something you are prepared to compromise on or not.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/08/2024 17:27

DH doesn’t like my pink highlights I have had for years…but I do, so guess what colour my hair is.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 13/08/2024 17:30

Of course you what you like - i had a short hair cut when i met my husband - think shaved sides, spiky front. I mean - i liked it then - and i worked in a very hot country so worked for me, when we started dating he asked if i ever grew my hair long and i said no, how country meant short hair. When i moved to England 2 years later - i grew it out, i have it down to my bum now, and i love it, he does to and prefers it so ive kept it that way. You dont have to do what he likes - but he can have a preference.