Dp doesn’t like my new hair style

[Sourgrapes2]

Had it cut shorter yesterday after seeing a bob style that I liked. He pulled a face and didn’t seem very pleased, said he likes ‘long hair better’. Now I’m feeling like I’m now unattractive to him. What would you do?

I also don’t think he did anything wrong. If my husband grew his hair long. Put it in a man bun or got a Farquhar man bob or grew a beard I’d not be slow in telling him I dislike it. Same as if he started going out in skinny jeans or grey trackie bottoms. I think it’s ok to tell each other you don’t like something, same as it’s still ok for the person to do as they please.

je doesn’t like it on you, so you can either not care about that, or grow it back, your call.

It's old fashioned, but I wouldn't say "charmingly". Hell will freeze over before I do something with my hair simply to please anyone else - whoever they might be.

My DP has his hair cut much shorter than I like and I tell him so. But it's his hair and he can have it how he likes. I still tell him how handsome he is only a regular basis regardless.
I don't think stating a preference is a bad thing.
I , on the other hand, have my hair exactly how he likes it and I am happy to

🙄

I think it's a shame when people are so restrictive about what they find attractive. They can't help it to a large degree but I think it's often a sign of a feeble mind. That would be off-putting to me. The cliche of long hair= more attractive is so limiting and boring. I have longish hair myself, but am aware there's a length mine gets to where it stops looking nice, and certainly not everyone suits longer hair for various reasons.

Do you like it?

A lot of the responses in this thread really play into the stereotype of sensitive female that husbands have to lie to in order to keep the peace.

This.

My partner has a particular hairstyle. It's one of the things I find attractive about him. I'd still love him and find him attractive if he changed it but I would be disappointed he didn't still have the more attractive hairstyle.

He's actually talked about changing it a few times and asked what I thought - I've said not to. Obviously, what he does is his choice (and I've made that clear too) but I do have an opinion on it.

For some reason, women are allowed, even expected, to have input on their partner's appearance (silly men, they have no idea) whereas women's choices are deemed untouchable.

Do you like it? Did he know? It might ‘grow’ on him and it will certainly grow on you! It’s his opinion. I have plenty of opinions on what hairstyle I like my DH to have . He loves to clip it short but I prefer him with more hair. I don’t stop him though. Sometimes he lets it grow and sometimes he gets fed up with it and clips it.

He’s allowed a preference. He’s allowed to express his preference. The only thing he’s not allowed to do is tell you how to wear your hair.

I can’t see that it’s so wrong for him to express a preference. My husband loves my long hair, he’d probably say something if I had it cut short.

Exactly!

A couple of PPs have mentioned man buns and, while I do think it suits a man with a certain aesthetic, it’s not a hairstyle that I’m particularly keen on. If my husband told me he was going to grow his hair out to wear it like this, I would tell him that I’d rather he didn’t. I wouldn’t tell him he couldn’t but I’d make my feelings about it known because I am honest with him.

I’m sure lots of the PPs that have responded so aghast that the OP’s husband dared to have an opinion on her hairstyle choice would have a strong opinion if their SO came home with a dramatically different hairstyle.

He doesn’t seem to of said anything wrong. He prefers how you had it before he’s allowed to have a preference and shouldn’t have to lie. If my husband grew his hair out or shaved of his beard I know I would say I prefer his look before. You’re upset he doesn’t like it, do you like it? Would you want to keep the hairstyle? You’ve two options keep the new hairstyle and DH just has to get used to it or you grow it out a bit. Years ago my hair went slightly to short and my DH didn’t say but I knew he wasn’t keen so I did grow it out a bit, I did also feel it was to short but knowing he wasn’t keen made me feel slightly self conscious and I know this might be an unpopular take on it but I want to look nice for my DH, there’s nothing wrong with that (but only what I also deem as nice)

Tell him if he likes long hair better he can always start growing his own.

I wouldn’t lie either and would not want to.

The fact women always want to be nice is a mistake. A colleague asked me about appearance once and I told her that it was better before, she was grateful and she said I knew you would be the only one to tell the truth. She had her doubts but everyone else just did the whole oh no it looks great.

Truth hurts sometimes but better than lying.

You should have your hair how you want it but he also doesn’t have to like it.

Oh for god sake l, trying to make people’s preferences into some sign of superior intelligence is really weird.

Besides which, op hasn’t said he no longer found her attractive. Or that anyone is ‘restrictive in their preferences.

I would do nothing. He stated his preference, it was duly noted. Nothing more to say about that.
The fact that you are worrying that you are unattractive to him because he stated his preference is what I would focus on and try to resolve any issues within myself that led to this conclusion.

Except that he didn't say he didn't like it. He said he liked long hair better. That's different. I like strawberries but I like raspberries better. If I were offered the choice between the two, I would pick raspberries. But I still eat strawberries with great pleasure just not as great as raspberries.

I personally like receiving opinions from loved ones about changes I make that they like and dislike. I am not a very good judge myself and I hate going back through old photos and thinking, what the hell was I thinking? I would hate it if he made a big change and yes it does affect how attracted you are to the person. I would be far less attracted to him if he grew long hair or wore skinny jeans, I can’t help that. Wouldn’t be make or break but we both give each other opinions on what we think looks good and what doesn’t.

Give me a man who ever wont say oh it would be nice abit longer.
I bet its a nice stylish cut.
Men pfft, same hair cut everytime for him?

Can we all see the horrible knitted top from Sainsbury’s now please 🙏 😂

Mwahahaha

We ve been married for 26 years and never once have I worried if I "look nice for my husband."

Never once has either of us required or expected the other to manage their appearance for anyone's pleasure but their own.

I am not a fan of letting my DH dictate what I do, or how I look. However, going against the grain here, I think what our life partner thinks of us is quite important. (And what WE think of them is too.)

Plenty of women on here whinge when their DH/partner grows a beard, and mock and deride men who have a 'man bun' and claim they would not tolerate their DH/partner with one.... But then posters go batshit if someone posts that their DH doesn't like their new hairstyle. Like 'don't let him control what you do OP!' Blah blah blah!

Also, a 'bob' suits VERY few women IMO.

@Sourgrapes2 Up to you if you keep the hairstyle or not, but I think you do have to accept that your partner hates it.

Surely you both like to shag someone you're attracted to? And looks are a factor of this?

Our attraction to one another seems constant despite hair colour or beard length.

@SpanThatWorld

Really...? You and your DH actually don't give a shit what each other thinks about anything? Literally don't care about each others opinions and views? Don't give a stuff about what he thinks about how you look? And he doesn't care what you think about how HE looks?

I couldn't be in a marriage like that. I prefer to be in one with give and take, and where we value each other views and opinions