To think this really isn't normal?

[Rosie129]

My friend admitted today that her DD (5) hasn't done anything all summer holidays. Just stayed inside on her tablet. Apparently her DD hasn't wanted to go anywhere. They said if they do 'can they bring the tablet?' She said she's been staying up till 1-2am every night just on the tablet and not sleeping. She lets her watch the tablet whilst having her dinner. My friend said she won't eat anything if she's not watching something during it. I have witnessed it and she doesn't respond to anyone whilst on the tablet, she's just completely fixated on the screen and ignores everyone

Soooo...what's your AIBU? Does your friend want parenting advice? Is DD neurodivergent?

Technology addiction it will cost them come September

We have had loads of tablet time this holiday for various reasons but thankfully we have been able to get out so he detaches quite well

Assuming this is actually happening, then no, it's not normal. Who lets a five year old stay up til all hours, regardless of what they're doing? But that aside, they need to change this, starting today.

This is sad. She should be enjoying the sun and painting and colouring etc with tv time later at night. Your friends not helping by the sounds of it

No it isn't normal though for some its becoming the norm. Terrible parenting whatever way you look at it.

It sounds like your friend either doesn’t care or is too scared to face the repercussions of taking the iPad away. Either way, it’s lazy shit parenting.

Of course it's not normal, if true. Not having done anything at all? Even just half an hour at a park or a dog walk or kicking a ball in the garden?

I'm far from militant about screen time...ds3 (7) spent about 3 hours straight on his on Friday night. BUT he'd been at rugby camp for 7 hours and was flat out exhausted by 4.30pm so 🤷‍♀️. But all day every day is just really, really sad for the child.

I highly doubt your friend said this to you.
What is your aibu because surely you know most parents do not allow their 5 year olds to stay on the tablet 24/7 and stay up all night. Seems like you just wanted people to agree your friend is a shit mum…

What was the full conversation. Was worried about this? Honestly if they have both spend the whole summer in their house with the 5 year old on her tablet then I would be thinking your friend is depressed or suffering in some way.

Some will likely say I'm overreacting but I'd call Social services. It's likely there's something else going on and if what you say is true then child isn't having their stimulatory needs met and there's no routines/boundaries in the home. Not going out per se isn't a problem but if the child's on the ipad until 1 in the morning and can't function without it then it sounds like a household that needs additional support

@Mimaulka surely as a friend you would talk to her and see if she’s ok and if she needs any support with anything. Perhaps offer to take care of the little girl for a while to give mom a break, take little one out somewhere, see if friend is open to support. Not go behind your friends back and call social services ffs.

Social services are there to support? Evidently OP doesn't feel she can do anything or she would have done it

Sure, ringing social services in the first instance and behind your friend’s back is always the best way to help support her 👍

I think it’s fine.

Well obviously DD is going to be fked for life if she's already addicted to a tablet at 5 (it wouldn't surprise me at all). Last week I saw someone walking holding her phone out with the kid behind her watching the screen Seriously depressing if a child can't even walk without needing a screen to entertain them

Sounds like neurodivergence to me. Has the child been assessed?

Why do you ask? You know it's not how most people raise their children.

There’s no way that a parent would be this bad, unless she had significant health issues and just couldn’t cope with parenting. No one would think this was ok.

No it's not normal, my kids probably spend a bit longer on screens then I would like but they are not on them 24/7 and can cope without them. It's also quite lazy parenting to let a 5 year old stay up that late and to let them have an iPad all the time because they're scared of the child's reaction, she's the parent she should be setting boundaries for the child not letting the child do whatever she wants, at 5 years old I'm guessing she will be starting school in September, how will the child cope then when she has to go to bed at a decent time, follow the rules like the other children and not have a screen to stare at while in the classroom? Your friend is doing her child and herself no favours.

“Sounds like neurodivergence to me. Has the child been assessed?”
“Is DD neurodivergent?”

@GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem @TimeForTeaAndG

Don’t start. If all the details in the OP are true, the DD being ND is irrelevant.

What happens if the screens are removed?

Could be poor parenting or self directed soothing behaviours with autism/PDA.

She definitely did say this to me. The reason I ask is, she tells me this like it’s a very normal thing? When I see her, her DD is always on it and is so fixated. I just think it can’t be good for her

It is child abuse imo. I have a ND teen (ASD) highly addicted to a video game. He basically thinks only about this game and is on medication to treat his anxiety. He's got 4 hours of video games every day (before going to bed he asks 10 times if he's going to play when he wakes up so really addicted). Well, 4 hours is a lot and there is always a struggle to get him off but he eventually hands the phone over because I threaten with no phone tmw. And when the phone is gone he doesnt know what to do because no longer likes to play with toys or board games with me. And while not enthusiastic he comes with us on outings because nothing else to do and he usually enjoys himself.

Just saying that screen addiction is common but it's our job as parents to limit our children. Give me a 5 year old any day, piece of cake. Decide the time she can play and if she doesnt hand the device over just grab it. Massive tantrum, just ignore her and then move on to take her out for an activity. At 5 mine only had cartoons on the telly as screen time. We painted, drew, played with clay, played board games, went to the playground, invited friends. 5 year olds are EASY to occupy. Teens less so. Your friend is definitely lazy and neglectful of her child. What you can do: propose a set time for screen time. I would say max 1 hour in the morning or afternoon. Not in the evening. And then stick to her guns and ignore the tantrums. She is hurting her child and it's her responsability as a parent to help her child by installing rules. As it is she's letting the 5 year old make decisions she shouldn't be making. Does she also let her eat whatever she wants? The mum needs some serious help with being a parent..

No it's not normal. Why are they letting her have it so much? They should be limiting her screen time. And letting her watch it during meals is awful.