To think this really isn't normal?

[Rosie129]

My friend admitted today that her DD (5) hasn't done anything all summer holidays. Just stayed inside on her tablet. Apparently her DD hasn't wanted to go anywhere. They said if they do 'can they bring the tablet?' She said she's been staying up till 1-2am every night just on the tablet and not sleeping. She lets her watch the tablet whilst having her dinner. My friend said she won't eat anything if she's not watching something during it. I have witnessed it and she doesn't respond to anyone whilst on the tablet, she's just completely fixated on the screen and ignores everyone

I actually think it's more normal than people on here might realise.

That doesn't mean it's good, of course, but I do think lots of parents rely on technology as it's a quick, easy way of keeping kids occupied.

that is a bad start
at only 5 as well

Sounds like us! I'm pretty relaxed about screen time during the holidays - its a long gap to fill if you don't have money for activities or a car to get anywhere. My DC hates getting the bus so we've enjoyed a break from it. We've spent most of the time at home and stayed up late although not to 1am and still going on day trips once a week.

At 5yrs old that’s very sad. My kids are a bit older, 20 and 16 so when they were little it wasn’t the norm to have their own tablet. They watched TV and probably played some games on my phone but if they had their own tablet there’s no way they’d be on it 24-7 and until 1-2am? That’s really unhealthy and actually quite sad that the child would rather do that than go to the park etc. The mum really needs to issue some boundaries around this.

Gosh I would be so anxious. At 9 months pregnant I am struggling with having to take out my 5 year old all day, for example, local shop in the morning, swimming in the afternoon, park in the evening. Plus board games and crafts in between and cooking. However, I much prefer it to leaving her on a screen. I get anxious when she is there all day. I empathise with some due to expenses. It really costs when they are off school, might as well be on holiday. However, all day screen time is also a no. Also, as a PP mentioned at least at 5 they can be entertained, as for the teen years lord help us.

I'm pretty relaxed about screen time, our tablet it often just laying around and the kids will pick it up from time to time. They are usually only on it for about 30 minutes or so before they get bored though and move on to something else. They'd definitely never be on it all day! I think something must be going on with the child that they actually want to stay on it that long

Is she being "looked after" by a parent WFH? I think that sometimes happens to save money on holiday clubs.

It’s neglect, she isn’t socialising or having life experiences that her peers are, she isn’t learning about healthy boundaries as mum isn’t giving her any.
This is also harmful to her health, she could develop eye strain and issues within her body as she isn’t moving or getting exercise and she isn’t getting the right amount of sleep which is absolutely vital to development.
Your friend needs parenting advice/support. Is it just her at home? This is a safeguarding issue and does fall under abuse as she is not meeting her child’s needs.

No it's not normal, it's lazy parenting. I knew the posters citing SEN would be along, but every SEN parent I've ever met who's child has an iPad/tablet have it as one of their coping strategies/tools but doesn't just give it to them in lieu of doing anything else 24/7. Even if the DD is which is impossible to tell from the post, it's still shitty parenting. Is your friend struggling herself OP?

100% agree with this.

But there are plenty things to do with a 5 year old! She can play by herself (yes, when bored children get creative), there are plenty of board games (look at the 2nd hand sites online), play doh is great, drawing, books etc. Also, she can help out in kitchen, laundry etc. They like being helpful and getting praise that age. Go out for a walk, playground, invite a friend. What Im saying is there ARE many things to do when you take away the tablet. And being bored is actually recommended by child psychologists. It helps children get creative.

A five year old? That's so depressing. Poor child. What is that doing to her developing brain?

Five year olds should be playing with toys, using their imaginations, being outside, drawing... just doing things.

Pure neglect. Stupid, lazy parenting. I genuinely couldn't be friends with someone who parented like that.

No it's not normal, it's really bad to be honest but I think you already know that.

Is the mum struggling with the holidays, like having to work whilst having her daughter home or struggling with the cost of things when out and about? And maybe it's just totally spiralled?

Me and a friend were talking about screens and stuff yesterday, our kids area both 4.5 so start school in September but their nursery was school time only so this is our second 6 weeks holiday.

She was saying her son is always on his tablet or playing PS4 games (usually with his dad on the playstation) They've got a 5 month old and are going away this week so trying to get organised for that. I said don't stress too much just maybe use the holiday as like a re-set and go from there if you want him using them less?

My son doesn't have a tablet and we haven't tried him with console games because to be honest we don't think he has the patience for them and it's just another "thing" to have to think about/regulate. But he does watch the telly, mostly iPlayer and some other bits but not YouTube because we're a bit wary of it. He has phases where he's not bothered about watching and others where he'd probably watch all day if we let him. We have found the more he watches, the more he wants it on so we try to be mindful of that and stick to rough times to watch it in between being out and about or in the garden or whatever. It can be hard as ds doesn't like busy places and obviously summer holidays most places are. But we find ways around it. Also, the paddling pool has been a big hit this year.

With the late nights, again it's indisputable that a 5 year old staying up till gone midnight on a tablet is not good. I get being out of routine, knowing they've not got to get up for school etc but there's got to be a limit! My son struggles to wind down and is often up until gone 10pm even though we do no screens after 6pm. The light nights don't help. This summer we've been taking him to the local family friendly pub after tea as they have a playground and a bouncy castle and he happily bounds around there for an hour or more. Sometimes he falls asleep in the car and we can carry him up to bed, other times he'll still be awake, but we just do our normal wind down routine after (supper and books downstairs then bed with an audio book or book) But at least he's had a last hit of fresh air and exercise while the weather is nice and it's a bit of a break for us too!

I think a lot of mums work these days, and from home, so it’s a way of keeping their children quiet and occupied. I know it’s easy to judge but is it any worse from kids watching a lot of tv during the day? I know we all did when my mum was working. The staying up late isn’t great though.

It is different though - hand held devices are proven to have different effects than just watching the telly. Especially if it's games or short clip type shows, people have invested millions making them as addictive as possible, it's why the people who make them don't let their own kids have them!

We watched a lot of telly as kids but not all day, not out and about (obviously) and not in our bedrooms late at night, especially not at 5 years old.

I do not understand how or why so many parents think it's ok to WFH whilst "taking care" of little kids. It doesn't work. People did it out of necessity and extreme circumstances during COVID but it was never meant to be A Thing or the norm. If you have kids you need to use annual leave, parental leave and some kind of childcare to cover holidays. Most places of work will discipline or worse if they find you WFH with a young child and it's also why many places don't want to do hybrid working etc because of some that just take the piss with it.

Take her to the park, be supportive. Not great for them to be so dependent on it.

Ours love the Wii but it has a cut off time each day and they know it doesn't go back on in our house.

Your friend can look at adjusting the settings. Set a timer etc

That’s massively neglectful and will probably lead to behavioural issues for the poor teacher to try to manage when the child is back to school.

We restrict screen time (tv or gaming) to an hour a day in school holidays/weekends and 30 mins tv on a week day (no gaming Monday to Thursday). It’s addictive and most content mindless.

School holidays are long and expensive. It has cost a huge amount to book multi-activity camps for 2dc to cover 8:30-5:30. There are a few cheaper options, but they tend to be 9-3, which doesn’t help at all. That’s where the government could support working parents!!

No not normal and I think will be a struggle in September. Is the mum working from home and using the tablet to keep the child occupied? Mine get screen time, but do other things as well and like going on days out etc. When DS was 5 he had chickenpox over a half term and spent most of the week on the tablet as it was keeping him distracted from the itching. He is ND and really struggled with the chicken pox but massively struggled in going back to less screen time after just one week.

I do think this kind of behaviour is being normalised. My DC (7 and 9) have had plenty tablet time this summer but that's after a day at sports camp or the like. So it's a lazy morning or evening activity. And never in bedrooms or at dinner table.
DS went on a day out with a friend recently whose mum collected him. In the car her 3 DC (2, 5 and 9) were all sitting on tablets which surprised me. And of course DC now think I'm unreasonable for not letting them do the same.

I'm not militant about screen time, if DD wants to watch something on TV with her dinner and we'd rather not watch the same film for the seven thousandth time, she can watch it on her tablet.

But we also do a lot of outside stuff, drawing, painting, swimming, playdoh, baking, cooking, gardening, reading, playing with her dolls house etc. So a film on her tablet, or endless episodes of Tish Tash (if you haven't seen it's DO NOT introduce it!!) for an hour or so is fine.

I once saw a little girl on a swing being pushed by her dad, maybe about 3, glued to a tablet screen. Her dad was just spaced out pushing her while she watched it. Not sure I saw the point of her being on the swing TBH, she didn't even register she was moving.

I work from home but kids always in activities so not around. I don't want to derail the thread but it shouldn't be the norm that women are at home working with kids around. Plenty do it in my circle and I can only assume that the only way they're actually managing with young DC is to attach them to devices.

5 or 15?

I'm sure you probably know it's not normal. If she is your friend though iiid start by asking her why her dd isn't going out? Is there something up? I'd also try and arrange something to get her out the house to, even just to the park.
Mine have more screen than some but at that age there were doing many other things besides screens. I wish I could get my 15 year old off his, though that's a much harder battle than it was at 5.

Why don't you say that to her? You are being as avoidant as your friend. Be kind & ask if she needs any help with it, what does she need from you..etc. tell her you are concerned for her & her child (in a kind way that she'll hear it, you know her best) & support her to break the pattern.
If she doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, ask if she's sure that she's not worried about her DD being on the tablet etc
If your friend isn't seeing that there's something not right about her DD spending that long on screen sounds like she may be depressed? Avoiding the issue? It's not the DD that needs addressing, it's the mother. If you're her friend get underneath it.
SS won't help though, they don't always even with severe CP issues they're not going to bother about a child spending holidays watching a screen (imo). And if you do that you'll lose your friendship forever.

This usually a contributory factor, if not the main contributory factor, in school avoidance, which then becomes very difficult and expensive to address. Your friend is neglecting her child by allowing this to happen. The consequences can have long lasting impact on the child's social and educational development.