Thats not what im suggesting at all. What im trying to get across in my posts is that what they need is friends. Access to people/friends who have experience with ND and NT children, and everything inbetween. Im not hell bent on diagnosing the child, it actually sounds like they both might be ND however what im saying is that one of my ND children refused to go anywhere, talk to anyone, eat normal foods, even breast feed or sleep properly. She is my second born and i persevered in the same methods i used with my son. Not recognising or understanding that they would be different. There is 11 months between them. My son breastfed perfectly every 4-5 hours for 30-45 minutes, was quiet and content, by 7 weeks he was sleeping 8 hours a night, he moved into his own room at 3 months with just 10 minutes of controlled crying on the first night and 3 on the second night. Sleeping for 12-13 hours at night with another 1 1/2 nap during the day. He walked at 10 months. He was incredibly hyperactive and it was very obvious with him. He was diagnosed early but not especially early owing to the fact that he had no learning difficulties or global developmental delay, like my godson had. My daughter fed for 5 minutes every hour 24 hours a day. She would not wean. Would not tolerate food textures. Would not sleep. Controlled crying took 30-45 mins a night for 2 weeks and making a mistake in her routine put us right back at square 1. We had a mantra, 10 days to make a routine 1 day to break it. My children and my godson all have AuADHD but different types. As do i and my mother. Yes we have ALL been diagnosed. My godson was 18 months old, my son was 5 my daughter was 17 (but i was fighting for her since she was 10) i was 43 and my mum was 65. We are ALL hypermobile. We ALL have genetic connective tissue disorders and dysautonomia. What im saying is that this lady has zero experience with anything parenting or medical. Yet she has made a judgement, she has come to a conclusion that what this girl is being allowed to do, is not good for her. She cant make that statement. She has no clue if it is or not. I do think its prudent that both the mother and child get assessed asap before the childs masking capabilities become so ingrained she cant even tell who she us anymore and her entire educational life is thrown down the toilet. Spending her whole life knowing shes different but not knowing why so just copying everyone around her and hoping she doesnt get found out. Because that was my experience. My mothers too. Smh. Just because more people are educated in what autism and adhd and all the other spectrum disorders are now, therefore more people are getting diagnosed, doesn't make the diagnosis any less valid. It just means that everyone is a little on the spectrum (hence why its now graded rather than just a simple ‘its autism, its adhd’ diagnosis) and until that is recognised we will continue to try and fit everyone into the same mould and cause increasing levels if mental health issues and self harm and suicide. Carry on telling this mother she is lazy, abusive & a bad mum. See where that gets this family vecause the one thing i can guarantee it wont get is support. Ive gought for 8 years to get support for my high functioning, ridiculously intelligent daughter, who is incapable of functioning without the tv on and her phone in her hand. Yet she started her own very successful business at 13, didn't have any education from year 9 to year 11 due to covid and long covid causing her to sleep 18-20 hours a day for 15 months and yet passed maths engligh and sciences with 4’s. Which she took in our dining room because she still couldn't face people. She doesnt like to go out, or talk to people, be touched or talked to. My son, totally different. My other 8 godchildren totally different. Until she was older and i recognised the signs i used to try and force her to fit in to make everyone else happy. I say everyone else, because i used to do the same to me too. i would fo things i didn't like, things that made me uncomfortable, so that i fitted in with everyone, so i didn't stand out as different. so i wouldn't be a burden or make other people uncomfortable. I'm ashamed to say i even said this to her once (i told her we all have to do things we dont want to sometimes because other people do want to and we cant always say no, sometimes we have to make other people happy too) i walked away thinking now ig thats not setting my daughter up to get raped, wtaf am i teaching her ffs and i immediately went back yold her i was sorry and that i was wtong and i allowed her to live authentically from that day. She stopped self harming almost the same day because she suddenly felt ‘seen’ and valid as a person. I hope that goes in. It was a lightbulb moment for me and i swore to make sure id never see signs of ND in anyone and ignore them ever again no matter how uncomfortable it might make other people. I chose to live authentically too. Suck it up buttercup. This family needs to see an nhs registered private psychiatry specialist who is able to make a formal diagnosis so that it can be recognised and medications started/support put in place. then the LA and the nhs will expedite the nhs and educational psychiatrist diagnosis. It will cost her about £3000 for the child and £400 for herself and its a total waste because it accepted on its own, it has to be confirmed by the nhs. That takes time though so doing the private route bypasses that initial wait. Oh and just for reference. I am currently writing this on my phone, switching back and forth between 3 different apps, messaging my daughter, who is still up, i have my headphones on playing music as loud as they will go. Im singing whilst also reading every word i write out loud in my head, the tv is on im watching tv with the subtitles on and im not missing any of it. Now try living inside me for a moment, just imagine that hell having yo grow up without ANY of those things that i now use to be able to stop the racing mindfuck that is my brain. I grew up without screens my daughter grew up with them my mum was 47 before the first home pc’s and iphones were released and do you know what? We are the same person (as my son once told us after listening to us talking together for 10 minutes and having to walk away because it span his head) my mum left school at 13 moved in with a 27 year old and had her first child at 16. Yet has an IQ of 158 and the largest EQ and empathy most people could only ever hope for. She always felt different and was never supported. I left school at 17 but i had left home at 16. I joined the navy at 18 got married at 23 had my first child at 25 etc etc etc i always felt different but was only supported by my mum, i have an IQ of 146 high EQ and empathy. My daughter however? Well she is still in college at 18, still lives at home, has no intention of ever getting pregnant, is planning on going to university next year, also has no intention of ever having a boyfriend or husband as she is gay/pan has an IQ of 160 (just tested now that shes 18) high EQ and empathy. My mum has written books, my daughter runs a business and i am an advocate for social justice, benefits advisor and an HLTA. Screens mean dick. My mum and i grew up being FORCED to go out, do things, be sociable etc etc (me much less than her of course as she was a very different parent than her own) however she will stay in a dark room with lights off (big light eapecially) curtains closed and she is not depressed, she is happy. She is comfortable. She is doing what she wants to do but was never allowed to do. I almost never leave the house, I also prefer to be in my actual bed, curtains closed, animals sleeping next to me, i am not depressed. I am happy, i like my life and me very much. I am doing what makes me comfortable. I am able to do this because i am a veteran, I receive a war pension and naval disability pension and no longer need to work. My daughter never used want to leave the house. Or go to places, have friends, etc etc however she was also never made to and now she chooses to. Call it ND or not the truth here is that if you continue to force your children to do things that they aren't comfortable with and dont teach them accountability and decision making skills, what a natural consequence is, then thats the problem with the kids today. Not omg lazy parenting and screen addiction! Its the tv crisis of the 60’s for crying out loud and the playstation crisis of the 2000’s learn to actually parent your kids. Learn to recognise that your children are people in their own right with valid thoughts, feelings and skills and that if they dont meet the standards set by some arbitrary patriarchal capitalist society over 100 plus years ago, they can still be valuable, successful, happy people. If your child is a square peg and your trying to make them fit into a round hole, it isny time to shave the corners off of the child to make them fit. Its time for you as a parent to change the game so that tgere are square holes. I told my nan that when i was 15, about her foster daughter. She never spoke to me again. She died when i was 35. Some people dont like being told they are the problem in their life. Thats the thing with us AuADHD people though, we really couldnt give a fucking because once we cant see you, we dont think about you at all tbf. We go days in a hyperfocus without eating, sleeping or even going to the toilet. You think we’re going to stand up straight, pay attention, stop talking etc wtc because someone tells us to? Spend hours doing homework when 5 mins on the bus in the morning on the way to school/work etc still gets us an A? No. Dont be a lazy parent, pay attention to YOUR child, not crappy friends or people on here who dont know this child from adam and arent invested in any way.