Partner telling me to eat healthily- fuming

[dreamer24]

I went for a run today. It's 23 degrees where I am, it's hot and it's not the best weather for running. I managed 3.2 miles but then had to stop as I'd ran out of water and what little water I had left in my bottle was warm given the heat.

I texted my partner when I'd finished (he was at a soft play with our toddler) to say I'd struggled but managed 3 miles, and that I felt a little dizzy and was craving water and salt (presumably because I'd sweated so much I'd lost a lot of salt). I said I might drive past McDonalds on the way home to grab some chips (just chips, nothing else) as I needed to replace the salt. He replied, "you need to eat healthily".

So... I saw red. This is a man who is overweight and who I watched sit on the sofa at lunch time and eat a Greggs cream cake. I didn't do this - I had a half a sandwich and a banana then went for a run. This is, by the way, my 3rd run of this week and I also plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning to do a weights class.

For context, I am a size 10 (BMI is 22.5 ish). So I am not even overweight but I want to tone up a bit and to get back my pre baby level of fitness, hence making this effort

Am I right to feel really annoyed by what feels like judgement for what I've chosen to eat post run, when I'm making an effort here and he is not? If he was the picture of health and fitness then maybe I'd accept that comment a bit more but ... seriously?! You eat a cake for lunch then tell me, post 3 mile run, to "eat healthily" 😵‍💫

Or am I overreacting or am I right to feel annoyed at this judgement? 🤔

No, that's addiction, not a craving ffs. The orthorexia is strong on MN, Jesus Christ

@dreamer24 maybe - just maybe - he’s having a bit of a laugh with you. Are you a bit of an exercise bore/ runner-bragger type?

Or maybe he was a bit annoyed to be stuck at softplay while you were exercising only for you to say you were then going for chips …

all roads lead to you asking him what he meant by that comment, a thousand strangers on Mumsnet can’t help

@seethingmess
In all honesty, part of me questions if he's embarrassed by me. I say this because pre pregnancy with our daughter I was a gym toned size 8. I've never been any bigger than that, and I reached 35 and was still that size. Then I got pregnant and birthed an 8lb baby and I've never fully recovered. I was horribly sick in my pregnancy and had to eat whatever would stay down and that wasn't always the healthiest stuff. I put on a stone and a half in total (I know, not the end of the world, but enough to tip me into a size 10-12 and the "biggest" I'd ever been in my life). I lost a stone of that last year so I'm now only half a stone heavier than pre baby and as I say I'm a size 10. But I'm not toned in the way I used to be - there are squishy bits where there was toned muscle before and I don't feel physically "like me", I haven't really since she was born as my body looks so different. Long way of saying - maybe he is ashamed of the new me? And maybe that's why I take any slight comment about my food choices in that way.

OP is not trying to lose weight, she's trying to improve her fitness. She says so quite clearly in the OP.

@dreamer24 ok having read the rest of your comments I can see maybe why he’s said this .. sounds like you are on a health kick (good for you btw!) and perhaps you’re projecting/ trying to enforce what he should be doing and he’s feeling a bit sick of it. You speak quite disparagingly about the fact he is overweight in what is quite an unkind way to a bunch of people on the internet. If my partner spoke about my weight like that I would be very upset, so I can only imagine what passive aggressive comments you must make to his face.

Love the comments about DP being "stuck as soft play hell" 😂 may I remind you all that 1) he CHOSE that, not me, and 2) I was stuck at soft play hell for hours yesterday and at the park for hours this morning, too. Did I not earn an hour or so break?

OP you also seem unhealthily obsessed on his size and your own size. There is more to life than dress sizes.

@northernsunshine
I don't make any comments to his face and I think that's an odd assumption. What I post anonymously online and what I say to my partner are not necessarily one and the same. Sometimes in fact posting online is an outlet for what I don't feel able to say in real life, as is the case for many people.

I would not have mentioned his cream cake lunch online, nor his weight, if it weren't for the fact I felt criticised by him in terms of my own food choices. I sat while he ate the cream cake at lunch and I said nothing. Hell, I'm partial to a cream cake myself! But his comment riled me and that's why I'm making reference to that.

I’d probably make a comment too. You don’t need to fuel after a 3 mile run, but if you did, chips aren’t a great choice.

FWIW, if my husband was fat and eating a cream cake, I’d definitely comment on that too.

Women don’t deserve breaks. You should know that!

Men, however, can go and play golf all day because they ‘work hard all week’ and deserve it 👍

@northernsunshine
Definitely not a bragger or exercise bore - trust me I have nothing to brag about 😂 I struggle to run 5k a few times a month and I eat McDonald's chips afterwards, so, I'd be a knob if I thought that was bragworthy wouldn't I.

I promise you I am not "obsessed" with anyone else's size. Am I preoccupied with my own size since having a baby and no longer being the size I was my whole adult life? Yes of course I am, who wouldn't be? I don't bore others with it though, I mostly keep my insecurities inside. Until others comment on my food choices and then I don't

I have been a runner for years, but found nothing toned me after kids like pilates. It's quick and easy to do at home just grab some resistance bands for 10 mins a day 👍

OP clearly is exercising to improve health, not simply because they enjoy it. Gains from exercise is a term to explain increased fitness such as weight loss or improved strength. Processed, high calorie junk food isn’t what will lead to muscle gain nor weight loss. It just simply doesn’t fuel your body in the appropriate way as it isn’t nutritious.

@ItsAlrightDarling
Yeah I'm getting that vibe!

I mean, I work bloody hard all week too and I'm in fact the breadwinner in our household so, on that basis I wonder if I deserve an extra hour at the park per week to run and an extra packet of chips after? 😂 Or maybe I should STFU and stay in my lane in the soft play 😬 (or the drive thru)

@piccolorhinoceros are you okay hun? You seem like an angry little bunny.

do you know how little calories you burn on a 3 mile run? All this talk of salts depleting and needed to refuel is just silly. Leave a banana in your car next time.

When I used to run frequently, once a week I used to get chips on my way home but we’d laugh about it and how absurd I must look in my running gear sweat drying waiting in chip shop. I can’t imagine getting annoyed if someone pointed out how it was contradictory.

I used to run on a treadmill for an hour (intervals) just so I could eat a big healthy slice of chocolate pie for lunch. Am no saint in the healthy eating department: life is too short for no bennies after a good workout.

@Sunnysundayicecream
Ooh thanks for the tip! I've actually never tried Pilates but if it's good for toning maybe I should give it a go ☺️

'Stuffing a cream cake in his face'?

Do you mean simply eating it?

You do seem very touchy about food and actually more judgmental than him.

Aww bless you OP. I'm sure you look fantastic especially after having a baby. Maybe you are feeling sensitive about your body and overthinking it... hell you enjoy those fries 🍟

Embrace your squishy bits and well done on starting a regular exercise routine, it's shattering. I've not done my exercise routine since summer holidays as kids have broken up and I've lost my routine and don't feel very toned at the minute which makes me quite irritated over the silly things, like someone not leaving me an Ice cream etc. .... what are they trying to say?! When logically they didn't think and just ate it.

It would make me prickle too if someone said that to me.

I had a massive McDonald's the other day with a milkshake and wine after. I have barely done anything this week thanks to a foot injury so no gym, running, no walking the kids to holiday club.

I'm in training for a half marathon and in this weather even on short runs I take water with me. Some days I can run 10+ kms, other days just half does me in! I struggle to do a short run on no food but I have done it occasionally yet I regularly lift heavy weights having had no breakfast and succeed more often than I don't. Running is just hard so even 3 miles followed by some chips is something to be proud of in my eyes especially if you aren't dieting. It might not be the best of food choices but we can't spend our lives living in lettuce and pomegranate seeds.

Did he buy you a cream cake when he went to Greggs?

There are 337 calories in a mcds medium fries. There is nothing wrong with eating fries after a run. The reason we’re all so fucked up about food and dieting is we attach guilt to it. You could have come home and had avocado on toast or egg on toast for the same amount of calories. Yes, there would be more nutrition in the avocado or egg but it’s the same amount of calories. It won’t make a difference if you also don’t eat a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and 3 pizzas later on. You went for a run, probably burnt off a fair few calories and then ate 337 calories. Perfectly fine.
You’re a size 10, BMI is healthy and you can run 3 miles in the sun. Enjoy the fries !