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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband 'recycling/binning' my stuff

128 replies

MealDealDreamz · 11/08/2024 10:18

If your husband were recycling your stuff without always checking with you first, would you be pissed off? I have too much stuff in his opinion. He will create bags of recycling and I'll ask to go through it first and find stuff that I really want but he doesn't know the value of / reason for keeping. He's taken books to charity before that had personal messages / sentimental value. He said he thought I wasn't bothered about them as I'd said one of them was crap. I bought them back at the charity shop. Now I'm off, he's talking about having a 'good clear out' and I'm feeling the pressure of using my time off to clear out stuff. While I accept that this needs to be done, and I have said I will do it, I feel this pressure to do things to his timetable. This morning I found he'd 'recycled' some of my herbs and spices as they 'were out of date' and you 'don't really use thyme'. He'd put a normal paprika to be recycled as he said we already have a paprika. (We don't. It was a hot and smoked one)
What do you think? Is he being controlling or am I a hoarder who needs taking in hand. I'm just so angry with him

OP posts:
outdamnedspots · 14/08/2024 09:08

You're not a hoarder. One wardrobe of clothes, one bookcase???

Your h is being VU. His need to be frugal does not top your need to keep things with sentimental value.

Talk to him. Maybe he needs counselling so he doesn't get so stressed by a few books that are neatly in a bookcase???

His behaviour is really worrying.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 14/08/2024 14:17

DH once described us as "hoarder adjacent". We have too much stuff, but I don't get anxious about getting rid of it, I actually find it stressful having so much stuff I just don't have enough time to sort through stuff, decide what to sell/how to sell it, find charity shops that will take the rest, book a slot to take stuff to the recycling centre...

This week we're filling a box for Music Magpie to take away, have a pile of old clothes/toys on the landing ready to go to a charity shop, and I've filled a black bag with rubbish. We've managed to do this because DH has taken time off work.

DH would never just make decisions about my belongings though, just as I would never make decisions about his. You don't sound particularly hoarderish to me. Getting rid of excess clothes given to you within a few months sounds quite quick from where I am!

Beenthroughit · 16/08/2024 00:32

I've lived with a hoarder. It doesn't sound as if OP is a hoarder. The husband sounds to be the opposite of a hoarder which to my mind can be just as much of a mental health issue as hoarding, just in the other direction
8 books do not make a hoard. And it's quite possible that OP has had better things to do with her time this summer than sort through clothes, a job that can just as easily be done as the nights start drawing in.
Aside of actual rubbish, you shouldn't chuck other people's stuff, it is dreadfully disrespectful.
As for chucking out the towel OP it is quite reasonable to keep an old one that doesn't matter for the purposes you mention, it clearing up floods or unexpected messes. I once had a really savage prune of my towels, just kept the nicest newest ones. When I needed to use towels for something I didn't want to use my nice newish towels for I ended up going to the charity shop and buying some suitable for the purpose I had in mind (and these are the ones I do use for things like hair dye, camping, the beach, mopping up unexpected stuff off the kitchen floor and wet dogs ) . Not using my expensive matching towels for anything other than drying myself

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