I'm getting so upset reflecting on my childhood. Am I exaggerating?

[BeEasyonYourself]

I'm sorry if I've posted this before. My mum is trying to guilt trip me and I just want a sense check - if I'm in the wrong I'm happy to acknowledge that!

I barely went to school. Aged 8 until 13 and about 50% attendance. I was taken abroad at 13 and not placed in a school. Just left to fend for myself in a caravan. All my qualifications (and I'm a lawyer so I've gone through all of college, university and a masters) have been off my own back. I was allowed to leave 'home' at 16 and moved into a squat in yet another country. I've never had a penny from my parents since I was 16.

This isn't normal is it?

Sorry if you've read a similar post from me, my mum is making me doubt myself and I'm currently in a domestic abuse situation (we live together and really the only other place i could go is my parents) and just feel like everything is getting on top of me 😔

That's horrific :(

Your parents sound like they didn't parent. Are you working? Editing to ask if you have considered Woman's Aid.

no it's not normal

You've posted about this before? On numerous occasions? Are you the poster not currently working, and your DO was on the streets, you own a house your DB lives in?

Is that you?

Womens aid
Get out and look after YOU

Not normal but nothing to signify your parents were abusive or in the wrong. Lots of children have only 50% attendance and have genuine reasons why. I think we need more info tbh.

Yes that was an abusive childhood. Ignore PP. Negligent behaviour by your parents and today would mean safeguarding services would be involved & possibly foster care. Likely to have caused psychological harm and will need therapy to unpick and heal. It’s not a child’s job to care for themselves from 8-13 and a parent has a duty of care until 18 in law.

I remember your other posts. No it isn't normal, they failed you as parents. Very few shit parents admit it. You did brilliantly despite them and you can again, once you are out of your relationship.
@fridaynight1 every child is entitled to support at least up to eighteen.

I come from a loving home but was never given any money post 17, when I went off travelling, and then to uni.

I barely went to school. Aged 8 until 13 and about 50% attendance. I was taken abroad at 13 and not placed in a school. Just left to fend for myself in a caravan.

Not at all normal or acceptable.

Please don't listen to the wallies ( ) above claiming you are 'entitled' to have expected your parents to care about your education. Read up on Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Some areas have women's charities that offer subsidised therapy, they may be able to help you - have agoogle to see if there is anything in your area. I agree call Women's Aid about your current situation.

It sounds like terrible parenting. Are there particular reasons you were in this situation? Parental MH issues for example?

Considering all that, you've done amazingly well. If you need to use your parents temporarily to get out of the DV situation and back on your feet then you might have to shelve all this in your mind.

The priority right now is getting away from the DV perpetrator and getting some sort of financial independence.

Were you also left to fend for yourself in a caravan aged 13, as described in the OP?

The experience you describe is so completely different to the OP and therefore irrelevant.

Did you not read that she was taken out of school at age 13 and then abandoned by her parents?
You win the prize for the lowest empathy. Shame on you.

This is from the government.uk website. Decide for yourself OP, I don't think you are exaggerating.

What is parental responsibility?
All mothers and most fathers have legal rights and responsibilities as a parent - known as ‘parental responsibility’.
If you have parental responsibility, your most important roles are to:
provide a home for the child
protect and maintain the child
You’re also responsible for:
disciplining the child
choosing and providing for the child’s education
agreeing to the child’s medical treatment
naming the child and agreeing to any change of name
looking after the child’s property
Parents have to ensure that their child is supported financially, whether they have parental responsibility or not.

Well first of all congrats u sound like an amazing person thats done incredibly well given the circumstances! To find the strength and indepence to push through and do it on ur own shows amazing personality traits…id start asking why ur mom is like that? Why did she act like that? What was her upbringing like? Its not ‘normal’ but what is normal…its been your normal. But everyones situation is different. Yes a parent should be there to guide a child but for me theres always a reason why…u know its not right but uv done well regardless. So thats the bonus…off ur own back not their credit. So i wouldnt let them effect u now not at this point uv done so much? There clearly issues there and im sure she feels guilt…i

Absolutely this.

You have done amazingly well to have achieved what you have in spite of the way you were neglected as a child.

You sound like a horrible person

But in your last thread, you also said your family were incredibly supportive, live nearby, and wanted you to move out (and would help you) from your abusive husband.

Why focus upon the past (yes, I know adverse childhood experiences affect people in adulthood, but bear with me) when the most pressing matter is the abusive husband that you have the financial means to leave but haven't?

Join the club of the abused and neglected. No it is not normal to neglect a child. Unless you were being home schooled, not making sure you were in school 75% of the time is neglect - depending if you were sick (which would have been a lot) or if they just didn't care if you went to school.

If there is a silver lining into being abused and neglected it is that it makes you VERY strong and you can do anything - just look at you!

One thing about being neglected and abused is that you tend to believe you are not worth being respected. That leads to matching up with men/others who will do what your parents did because the neglect/abuse was "normal".

Get away from the abuser you are now with if possible.
Stay away from your family of origin parents.

Letting thoughts of the bad childhood take up "rent" (energy) in your head does not allow for you to make your own NEW history. It may take a very long time and a lot of struggle but you can get past the dirty deeds that were dealt you.

You can do this! Congrats on how far you have come.

From someone who has.

It’s sounds like a horrible childhood but it also sounds as if you have the capacity to rise above it. There is no point living in the past. Focus on the good qualities you possess and how you can achieve the life you want.

@BeEasyonYourself I had similar, they are very proud of my self reliance and resilience and I resent it massively. I look what my DC have achieved with my support and love and wonder what I could have done. But ultimately my life now is very good and it is all mine, no gratitude or debt to anyone and no duty to care for them in old age. self reliance is self resiliance. Well done OP, you made it.

@fridaynight1 you need to reflect on what you gain from such a nasty post towards a woman who is obviously feeling very low. Bullying is generally due to low self esteem, as is trolling. I suggest you think how you would feel if OPs post and your reply - with you real name and a photo were posted in your hometown. Ashamed? Have a think and do the work you need to, improve your life and relationships and you will be able to stop this habit.

@EllenLRipley 👏👏👏

The childhood you have described is neglectful bordering on abusive. Fending for yourself in another country sounds terrifying for a child. Many adults couldn't manage that. You've done so well to be the lawyer you are today but don't let yourself continue to be used or abused in adulthood eg your mum minimising your experience

Are you for real? The OP didn't go to school between the age of 8 and 13, left to fend for herself in a caravan and in spite of this still managed to qualify as a lawyer and you think she's entitled? She was neglected as child and she has every right to be upset about it.