I'm getting so upset reflecting on my childhood. Am I exaggerating?

[BeEasyonYourself]

I'm sorry if I've posted this before. My mum is trying to guilt trip me and I just want a sense check - if I'm in the wrong I'm happy to acknowledge that!

I barely went to school. Aged 8 until 13 and about 50% attendance. I was taken abroad at 13 and not placed in a school. Just left to fend for myself in a caravan. All my qualifications (and I'm a lawyer so I've gone through all of college, university and a masters) have been off my own back. I was allowed to leave 'home' at 16 and moved into a squat in yet another country. I've never had a penny from my parents since I was 16.

This isn't normal is it?

Sorry if you've read a similar post from me, my mum is making me doubt myself and I'm currently in a domestic abuse situation (we live together and really the only other place i could go is my parents) and just feel like everything is getting on top of me 😔

I already said I'd posted before.

There were no reasons other than my parents deciding not to take me. I was very academic and wanted to go. And 50% attendance was only between 8-13, then they took me out to move me abroad.

I'm sorry I'm repeating myself. It's just all come to a head recently because of the DV situation and my mother piling on the guilt.

@BeEasyonYourself
Is this you?
With the house your brother lives in?

You need to get away from all of these people - they are no good for you

Lovely, MN has told you that you were abused by your parents at length. Just because a few horrible people disagree doesn't mean it didn't happen. You have been gently told numerous times to cut contact for your own health and safety. I personally know how hard it is to acknowledge and deal with childhood abuse, but you need to talk with a professional urgently, which you have been told repeatedly. Telling your story a slightly different way each time doesn't mean it wasn't abuse.

You were abused by your parents. You absolutely should not go back to them for housing or help.
You are being abused currently and putting yourself and any dependents at risk. You need to seek help from professional DV support workers via the police, NHS, council or CAB.

I hope this time you get the help you need this time.

My siblings are very supportive and two live nearby. But realistically they have no spare rooms (they have kids). My parents try to be but at the moment (and in childhood) they aren't/weren't. But they're the only ones with a spare room that I could be in longer term.

You never listen, why post again?

And? You're also a lawyer with considerable capital (the house your brother is living in - that you won't move into even briefly because they've decorated the bedrooms for the kids - is a massive asset) to act as security for a rental of your own.

The more you focus on the past wrongs, the less action you take to remove yourself from the currently abusive situation.

Thanks. Really helpful.

Because I have nobody else to talk to. And the last time (last week) I tried to leave I got a massive bruise on my cheek. And because the only place I can go is to my mother's. Who is making me feel like shit about challenging her about my childhood. My sister's was an option but now her stepson has moved in so they have no room.

So please do tell what advice you have.

Maybe call the Police?

I have done previously and he's been arrested twice but they only keep him in for 24 hours. This is his flat.

Yes, we know it's his flat.

So leave.

The important thing now is to get to a place of safety and to get out of the marriage as soon as you can. Your parents were obviously crap when you were a child but there's nothing you can do about that at this moment in time so is it possible to 'park' your feelings about that until you can access therapy?

Have you contact Women's Aid about temporary accommodation?

Have you done the freedom program OP?

You pack your bag and you leave.

As advised already, contact Womens Aid.

Or find a house share. Or rent yourself a bedsit.

I don't understand why you need to go to your mums or a family member.

@BeEasyonYourself how about going to the house you own?

Are you the poster who has a flat her brother rents and a work-refusing, freeloading cunt of partner?

I don't understand why you aren't taking the house you own back when you need it.

I can’t help but feel the same. Your situation is horrific OP, you know it’s horrific. And only you can change it.

Getting caught up in the nitty gritty doesn’t matter now. You have to focus on leaving. Stop wasting your life away.

My friend works for Women's Aid. There is nothing they can do. Because I've technically got other options (parents and the house)

I don't have the money for this, I had a mental breakdown at the start of the year and my savings have been spent on rent and bills and my husband (he works but only three hours a day)

Are you still paying for everything?

Your threads have been going on for years.

That is about as far from a normal childhood as it is possible to get.

Because I've been brought up to put everyone first and my brother and family live there.

Sorry, I can imagine this is frustrating to read (again) but stuff that's instilled in you throughout your childhood is tough to shift.

No it’s not usual. I taught a teenage lad in a secure unit. He was quite embarrassed to tell me he could barely read or write. One parent had taken him to Spain as a child and his childhood was spent travelling in a van, never went to school. He’d returned to the UK at some point but sadly got caught up with the wrong people, crime followed and here he was. Did his parent think they were giving him a good life free of rules, experiencing different environments? Who knows.

Your parents made poor choices, you need to make better ones. You’ve done well in your education so you’ve proven how much you can do.