Am I being dramatic to say I don’t want this much contact? At wits end

[re11]

My parents are lovely generally. They are early sixties and retired a few years. I hear from my mum constantly. A few times a day usually. This will be a text asking how the day way but then I may also get a text at lunchtime about my dd or something else. They want to meet twice a week and would probably meet more if I wasn’t working. We live close by so the travel isn’t an issue but I just want to be left alone sometimes.

AIBU to find this level of contact too much? I have a sibling but they are apparently ‘not good with their phone’ so are not bombarded as much as me. I have tried to say please can you dial back the messaging but it still happens. It’s honestly every day a few messages a day. Am I being a dick to feel so irritated? I know she’s just trying to be nice and she does have friends and interests so I don’t know where it comes from. I feel genuine anger when I see a text because I am so sick of seeing them!

Thank you, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, he is busy and has a whole new life with his partner, he’s very happy. I think the empty nest hit me very hard, I have a fairly busy life with activities and lots of friends but literally nothing means as much to me as my children but I have to find a way to deal with the anxiety better. I appreciate you taking the time to write.

You can cultivate not being good with your phone too. Don't even read them for a few hours, definitely don't reply to them all. In fact if you can then leave the phone somewhere you can't even hear it. My girls are lucky or maybe unlucky because I hardly ever bother them. Maybe once a month if they don't call me. We do have occasional contact on social media but a lot of the time I am the one that contacts the two that live 25-30 minutes away. They both work full time and one of them has a teen based family of their own and a social life in their town. They all have their own lives to live so I try not to get in their way. I might need to in 10-15 years and that will be a different kettle of fish. As long as you talk or text once a day for a while and make sure she knows you love her and she might get the hint. I'm not lonely I have a very busy social life.

I'd wean her off gradually. Tell her you won't be able to reply quickly if it's not urgent, then start routinely leaving it an hour to reply with a very brief "OK" or something similar. Then extend it to 75 minutes, then to 90 minutes and so on. If she knows that delay is routine and doesn't mean there is anything wrong, she should back off a bit, and ultimately you'll get to a point when you don't have to reply more than once a day at most.

Oh yes it will definitely get worse.... they won't be here forever.

My dad was like this many years ago, actually before text he bombard me with phone calls and if I was late visiting by 10 mins he’d be chasing me. Used to drive me insane. I didn’t have a close relationship with him at all so I think that’s why it angered me so much. What’s your relationship like with your mum op?
We have 4 young adult DC and our family chat is hilarious and a great way to communicate without pressure.

When she complains that you haven’t replied and she’s worried, ask her to dial it back. She needs weaning off so you need to stop responding every time she messages. It’s a really easy equation!

Well maybe just ignore them when you are busy and need time form them but ones thing is for sure you will miss them when they are gone.

I'm happy with that same level of contact with my mum and other people. But you aren't so just mention it to your mum

I text my mum most days. We get on very well and she's in her 80's and lost my dad last year.

She wouldn't get upset if I took all day to reply though. Wouldn't have text so much in her 60's probably.

Just tell them you'll check it once a day and stick to it op. Not worth getting cross about.

I don't find it annoying 🤷🏻‍♀️

Follow sibling lead. It sounds overbearing and very disrespectful if you work.

Just delay answering . They have a lot more time on their hands now and probably dont realise how irrating they are.

is it on WhatsApp? Just reply with a voice note

All the people suggesting she "just has an adult conversation" on the OP it says she's asked them to dial back but they haven't. Do that's a pretty useless suggestion.

Very dramatic and selfish actually, thats not being bombarded. Lets hope you mum never finds out how much her caring annoys you. She will be devastated

@Daisyblue77 what would you class as being bombarded?

This. My mum’s in the early stages of dementia and forgets to call me now. We speak every day, twice a day, always have. But it’s now 95% me calling her. And I know the time will come when she won’t be around.
i envy you, if anything. 😞