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Original poster

Should I ring/ text my ex

30 replies

mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:10

He has ended the relationship on Monday but we are in a position of remaining to live together for another 3 months. We have managed to talk our emotions out and reach fair agreements and coexist together over the past couple of days. He requested I come back to the house this evening after work as he was making us tea. I came home to find his car gone. I rang and he is out drinking with a friend - I offered him a lift home later to which he accepted and said he wouldn’t be long, this was at 5:45. He has not contacted me or come home yet. Noteworthy; he is currently being advised to return to AA meetings and avoid such things. Do I text to see if he is ok or ring etc? I do not want to know if he is out “on the pull” and tbh the idea of him coming home in the morning after staying out will hurt me more than anything but do I need to stay in my lane and stay quiet or place boundaries?

OP posts:
K37529 · 09/08/2024 23:16

if it’s over between you two I’d just leave him to it. If he wanted you to come get him he’d have called and I wouldn’t run around after an ex he came make his own way home.

TiredHippo · 09/08/2024 23:19

He requested you to come home as he was making you tea, but then decided he was going out and accepted an offer of a lift, fuck that shit!!!! He's manipulating you, he wants your attention and wants to know you still care about him, even though he's being a complete areshole. Please don't call or txt, it's exactly what he wants and he'll know he can keep on manipulating you going forward, been there, done that and I'm finally free X

SkaneTos · 09/08/2024 23:19

He is now your ex-partner. Even if you live together, and I can understand that you still care for him in some ways, I don't think you should contact him. He can do whatever he wants.

catchthepigeon98 · 09/08/2024 23:20

He requested you to come home because he made some tea and when you got there he wasn’t there. He’s obviously trying to control you if yous have broken up have nothing to do with him until one of yous can move out

Starlightstarbright3 · 09/08/2024 23:23

TiredHippo · 09/08/2024 23:19

He requested you to come home as he was making you tea, but then decided he was going out and accepted an offer of a lift, fuck that shit!!!! He's manipulating you, he wants your attention and wants to know you still care about him, even though he's being a complete areshole. Please don't call or txt, it's exactly what he wants and he'll know he can keep on manipulating you going forward, been there, done that and I'm finally free X

This exactly …

He is showing you who he is

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:26

Thank you. I have to admit I have felt very gaslighted and manipulated. I’ve questioned my sanity for a while and I did feel like tonight was very much a malicious attempt to garner my attention but at the same time I struggle being far too emphatic and he is aware of this. I just needed some reassurance that I’m not losing it!!!

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 09/08/2024 23:33

Don't contact him, hope you have eaten now.

Are you staying tonight?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/08/2024 23:37

Don't phone him. Don't come home when he tells you to. Don't offer him any more lifts. He's calling all the shots and it's not okay even if you are in a relationship. He's nothing to do with you anymore. Have as little to do with him as possible and try to find a way to get out of living with him sooner. He's a controlling arsehole

SeeTheWorldAnotherWay · 09/08/2024 23:39

No, no, no, no, no.
No.
And find somewhere else to live for next 3 months.
Hell, you can have our spare room!

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:41

@CalicoPusscat toast and a glass of wine in the bath 🤣 whilst trying to distract myself. Thank you ❤️❤️
I have to stay here unfortunately and he has tried to get rid of his dog so I’m also taking care of him and bloody well taking him with me!! He would be here alone otherwise 😔

OP posts:
Edingril · 09/08/2024 23:42

mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:26

Thank you. I have to admit I have felt very gaslighted and manipulated. I’ve questioned my sanity for a while and I did feel like tonight was very much a malicious attempt to garner my attention but at the same time I struggle being far too emphatic and he is aware of this. I just needed some reassurance that I’m not losing it!!!

Well you are a grown up so just don't go along with, you are now asking whether you should contact him using gaslight is not code for I let others do my thinking for me

And yes this is deliberately harsh, maybe one day people will start thinking for themselves?

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:43

@SeeTheWorldAnotherWay ❤️ you make me so happy that there are people in the world like you!

OP posts:
Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 09/08/2024 23:46

@Edingril Sometimes we need a harsh word to kick us into touch

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 09/08/2024 23:46

Save your concern and energy for your dog!!

Createausername1970 · 09/08/2024 23:58

Nope. Let him get on with it.

It's so hard, living in the same house, I had to do something similar many years ago and it got too complicated.

The best thing you can do is just live your separate lives as single people.

HowIrresponsible · 10/08/2024 00:01

Lock the door and chain it.

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 00:16

@HowIrresponsible 🤣 unfortunately he has his keys but the temptation to shout fuck off when the gate triggers is very attractive 🤣

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 10/08/2024 00:17

mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 00:16

@HowIrresponsible 🤣 unfortunately he has his keys but the temptation to shout fuck off when the gate triggers is very attractive 🤣

Is there a chain you can put on?! 😅

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 00:24

@HowIrresponsible unfortunately not but there is a dodgy doormat I can move and ensure he has a nice little trip on his way in 😅

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 10/08/2024 07:32

mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 00:24

@HowIrresponsible unfortunately not but there is a dodgy doormat I can move and ensure he has a nice little trip on his way in 😅

🤣 so what happened ? Did he come back?

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 08:03

@HowIrresponsible He had the audacity to call me this morning asking to be collected from his friends after an all nighter because they had hidden his car keys 🫠!
I’ve made a brew and gone back to bed 🤣
there still time to set some home alone style boobies traps for when he decides to sober up and return 🫡🤣🤣

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 10/08/2024 09:02

mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 08:03

@HowIrresponsible He had the audacity to call me this morning asking to be collected from his friends after an all nighter because they had hidden his car keys 🫠!
I’ve made a brew and gone back to bed 🤣
there still time to set some home alone style boobies traps for when he decides to sober up and return 🫡🤣🤣

Yay 🙌 👏 😄

You've split buy he still wants you to run after him. Nope.

MeinKraft · 10/08/2024 09:05

Can't imagine why you wanted to break up with him OP Grin what a twat!

Weenurse · 10/08/2024 09:06

At least his friends are sensible and don’t want him driving under the influence.
Try your best to live as separately as possible and just treat him like a housemate, no space considerations

Original poster
mumhas1syllable · 10/08/2024 14:33

@MeinKraft 🤣 he’s done the best thing breaking my heart because I can finally see the control he’s had over me. And the fact I clean and cook still and he acts like a couple in that sense and tries to eat my monster munch… definitely a selfish twat!!

OP posts: