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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think life with one child looks soooo easy

308 replies

justwonderingreally2 · 09/08/2024 15:09

It’s such a stupid thread as I love my children so don’t want to give one up but my god on the very very very rare occasion I only have one it feels so easy.

All my friends only have one and it’s so calm. Going on holiday soon, everyone else has one child, I have two. I’m stressed already.

Does anyone else ever think this?

OP posts:
EatTheGnome · 09/08/2024 17:07

justwonderingreally2 · 09/08/2024 16:00

Well, to be fair playgroups don’t run throughout the day every day. And not everyone has cousins or cousins close in age who are local. But that said I do think sibling relationships are romanticised a lot on here and perhaps generally. Mine do love one another but there’s a lot of competition and toy taking even though they are only very little.

Definitely romanticised. I remember there was once a thread about who had experienced sibling abuse and was surprised how rife it was and how it was (not) dealt with at all by parents who all basically turned a blind eye. It was genuinely gut wrenching to read.

Starfish89 · 09/08/2024 17:07

If I may, please could I offer my perspective as an adult only child? If your only child has cousins, I think it would be a good idea to try to build strong bonds with them to last into adulthood. I have 2 cousins, but we have never been close and I never see or speak to them now. I know that once my parents have gone, I will have nobody to share my memories of them or my childhood with, and that makes me extremely sad.

VTown · 09/08/2024 17:08

ohsobroody · 09/08/2024 15:40

@Scorchio84 lol it's not a 'thing' at all, it's the internet so people type shit.

I have one and he's not bored or lonely lol he's surrounded by family they just happen not to be siblings because of secondary infertility. I definitely dont 'over complicate things' either.

I love my life and my kid and my job so who cares what random people are writing here. Honestly it's comes across tragically bitter.

I could say that all the people with 2 or more I know are a bit shit and slapdash and have no time to devote to their kids but I won't, because it's a sweeping generalisation that's only true about a handful of people. Same as the crap they've written about people with one.
People with three or more get some right abuse on here it's all just noise and people who like being bitchy. Just tune it out it's not real Grin

Bravo!👏

parkrun500club · 09/08/2024 17:08

Starfish89 · 09/08/2024 16:36

I'm not a parent (sadly) so I don't know what it is like to have an only child, but I know that being one as an adult and having no other blood family is extremely tough. I dread the day my parents die and I am alone.

Edited

Even worse if you have a sibling and they die young.

There's no perfect situation.

Turfwars · 09/08/2024 17:09

TheHistorian · 09/08/2024 17:01

I found having only one child meant entertaining everyone else's children during the holidays so she wouldn't be lonely. Rarely reciprocated.

I barely got reciprocation as well but I kinda knew that, given that the other mothers had younger kids as well as working. I didn't mind though.

I brought DS to an amusement park recently and the money for his friends tickets was money well spent because I chilled with my travel mug and kindle app while they went on the rides. I hate roller coasters and DH has vertigo symptoms so it was worth every penny!

Starfish89 · 09/08/2024 17:10

parkrun500club · 09/08/2024 17:08

Even worse if you have a sibling and they die young.

There's no perfect situation.

Agreed. I am glad that I will at least never have to go through the pain of losing a sibling.

Very sorry for your loss.

Greenbananasoup · 09/08/2024 17:11

Mrsdyna · 09/08/2024 15:48

Kids are meant to be around other kids, be glad you had more than one.

What a weird and unnecessary comment! It’s perfectly fine to just have one child. Have a think of how your silly comment might make people feel if they wanted more children but couldn’t have them. Some people!

Turfwars · 09/08/2024 17:12

Starfish89 · 09/08/2024 17:07

If I may, please could I offer my perspective as an adult only child? If your only child has cousins, I think it would be a good idea to try to build strong bonds with them to last into adulthood. I have 2 cousins, but we have never been close and I never see or speak to them now. I know that once my parents have gone, I will have nobody to share my memories of them or my childhood with, and that makes me extremely sad.

Both DH and I come from big families so DS has 18 first cousins, and he's very close to the ones close in age to him. There's ones that are young adults now but they still hang out with the littler ones and I hope that closeness continues to grow in adulthood. He's practically a baby brother to some of them!

Startrekobsessed · 09/08/2024 17:13

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/08/2024 15:14

I have 3 and I feel like that about people who only have 2…! 😊

Me too 🤣 whenever I have two I always think god this is a pile of piss. I obviously don’t say that to all my friends who have two when they’re moaning though!

im sure people with 4 think 3 is super easy too!

Tohaveandtohold · 09/08/2024 17:13

I have 3 now and I remember when we only had one (6 year age gap), honestly, life was easy. DD1 was an easy baby, toddler, etc, we could travel easily with her, only have to think about her really when it comes to everything from homework, activities, etc. Now we have 3 and we have to consider all of them with everything really and I can say 1 was easier.
We’re currently on holiday and dh and I just said how easier it’ll be to just sit around the pool, reading a book whilst DD1 and 2 entertain themselves as they’re currently doing but we have a 1 year old that we’ve been running after, entertaining, someone having to come to the bedroom so he can nap, etc and it hasn’t been the most relaxing time. When he’s older, I’m sure it’ll be better because we can see lots of 3 children and more families whose kids are older doing just that.
I think with all these, we all adapt to what we have. Lots of happy and balanced families with no children, 1,2,3 etc, comparison is the thief of joy really. Be happy and grateful for what you have and that’ll be all you need really

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 09/08/2024 17:15

I have one and it has been pretty easy. Even as a totally lone parent I haven't had too hard a time. That's why I stopped at one! I often wonder why women make their lives so bloody hard by having multiple children and then living such stressful and tiring lives. I know it's probably worth it in the end, especially when I see my mum with her brood of loving adult kids around her, but I also think yes but you missed out on a career, knackered your body and stuck it out in a fairly toxic marriage because of all the kids you had. Personally I would always speak positively about stopping at one. The urge to reproduce is met but you can still have a nice life 🤷🏼‍♀️

SweetLining · 09/08/2024 17:17

Crispyturtle · 09/08/2024 15:41

Noooooooo having one looks nightmarish. My two entertain each other so I get to drink my coffee in peace. When I’ve only got one around it’s harder because they need me to be the entertainment, and frankly I am far too lazy a parent to do that on a regular basis.

This is interesting as I think I'm far too lazy to have a second, I enjoy drinking my coffee in peace, why would I give that up to have another child Grin

CoffeeGood · 09/08/2024 17:17

newleafontheplantjohn · 09/08/2024 15:14

Yes.

On the flip side, it often looks very boring / lonely for the kid.

I have two kids and it can be a nightmare sometimes. But I am very glad they have each other.

Some of us didn't get a choice in the matter so thanks for telling me I failed my child.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 09/08/2024 17:19

I'm currently on hol with my two and when the oldest takes ages to come down to the pool the younger one is way too needy and uses the word Mum far too much so no, I wouldn't want just one and don't think for a minute it would be easier 🤣

Scirocco · 09/08/2024 17:19

CoffeeGood · 09/08/2024 17:17

Some of us didn't get a choice in the matter so thanks for telling me I failed my child.

We haven't failed our children. Anyone who says we have doesn't know what they're talking about.

Worstsummerever · 09/08/2024 17:19

@CoffeeGood Same, such rude thoughtless & arrogant comments

Cobblersorchard · 09/08/2024 17:20

Yes, that’s why we had one, one is easy.

SweetLining · 09/08/2024 17:20

mondaytosunday · 09/08/2024 16:11

Having two doesn't mean they have an automatic playmate @SweetLining! I have one of each and they couldn't be more different in personalities. Up to age four or five yes they did stuff together as I took them to things together. Once school starts they had less time together and at secondary only spent time together if on holiday. By 14/16 minimal. This in itself make it harder as they like completely different things, so I seem to spend time with one or the other not both.

Thank you for this. I love having one but sometimes worry that I've done her a disservice. Flowers

LondonJax · 09/08/2024 17:20

I think it's often a case of the 'grass is greener'.

I am the eldest of three. Yes, I had the 'instant' playmate with the middle sibling. Though we didn't always get on and she's admitted that she was often jealous of not being 'the eldest' or 'the baby' of the family.

When I became a teenager I resented the 'look after your sisters' if mum and dad went out to the shops or when both of them were at work during the school holidays. Or 'can you take your sister with you' if I went out for a walk by myself on holiday. All I wanted to do was to be a brooding teenager on my own!

Fast forward to a few years ago. Decisions had to be made about my mum's care at one point (dad had died a few years prior). It almost turned to WWIII on a few occasions when one wanted care to go one way and the others wanted it to go in a different direction. Having siblings just made decisions harder to reach sometimes. As a family, we do all get along very well, but that caused a number of difficult and heated conversations that DS will never have to have - he'll have to shoulder the full responsibility though which is the flip side of that coin.

Our DS is an only (started late). The hard bit was making sure he had the chance to make friends when he was younger (he's an older teen now so is more than happy to sort himself out).

The easy bits were that, if we wanted to go away or have a day out we only had one child's needs to sort out. We weren't dealing with a baby and a toddler or a pre teen and teen who both wanted/needed different things.

We only have to get one child to one school. I have friends who have a journey in one direction for one child and then nursery in the opposite direction for the younger one.

We only have one set of school holidays to negotiate. Again some friends have a child in junior school that finished a week later than the one at secondary school this summer. And will have the opposite issue when they go back so their available holiday time as a family is less.

And his best friend's mum now has to ferry her eldest to football practice, get home then ferry the youngest to tennis then go and pick up the eldest twice a week! I'm knackered thinking about it!

And, of course, we have more money to spend on DS - which is just as well as university is looming so every penny is being counted! I don't know how parents with kids a couple of years apart manage that.

So would it have been nicer/easier having a sibling for DS? Absolutely no idea. Any more than I have any idea whether it would have been great or not have been an only child myself. There's no right or wrong, no ideal number of kids. Because every kid is different so every family is different.

Mrsdyna · 09/08/2024 17:21

Greenbananasoup · 09/08/2024 17:11

What a weird and unnecessary comment! It’s perfectly fine to just have one child. Have a think of how your silly comment might make people feel if they wanted more children but couldn’t have them. Some people!

I was addressing the OP who I think should be glad that she has more than one.

If you're that sensitive, maybe stay off of the internet.

liberonnew · 09/08/2024 17:21

I think it depends on the children. Some are more high maintenance than others, ha.

Also, be aware that a lot of parents of one did not choose to have one, they had secondary fertility.

SerafinasGoose · 09/08/2024 17:22

I have no judgement to cast on other people's families, or on what circumstances led them to have the number of children they have.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Sending thoughts to all on this thread who have struggled with their fertility or experienced bereavement.

TruthorDie · 09/08/2024 17:22

Yep, looks rather easy. I have twins so have never had to parent just one as we went in at the deep end with 2

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/08/2024 17:24

No one should have another child if they don’t want one just to give their kid a sibling. End of.

VTown · 09/08/2024 17:26

parkrun500club · 09/08/2024 17:08

Even worse if you have a sibling and they die young.

There's no perfect situation.

Exactly! Siblings can die, get ill, become estranged, or simply never be that close in the first place. I think women in particular really romanticize sibling relationships. Honestly, as someone in their mid-50s, I’ve seen a few adult sibling relationships that are good and a lot that are not-so-good. I myself have three siblings, and my relationships with them are generally fine, but we’re not super-close, and I have my times of feeling alone in the world and also my times of feeling close and happy with my own small (husband and son) family, as I think we all experience in the range of human emotions. Siblings are NOT the end all, be all. And, btw, my young adult son is perfectly happy being an only child!