To think it is unprofessional for a man to go to work with unshaven stubble?

[LoremIpsumCici]

I think it is still considered unprofessional for a man to go into a work office with unshaven stubble. I’m not taking about close cut beards, or moustaches or groomed facial hair. I am talking 2-3day old stubble. I am also not talking about WFH, but going into an office environment where he will meet with colleaugues and clients.

YABU- I’m old fashioned and it is perfectly ok for a man to have wild, free range stubble these days in an office setting.

YANBU- It is not ok to have stubble in the office.

Unless it’s a very specific environment, I can’t see it being his appearance that is the issue. I took on an allegedly very experienced over 50 who should have been able to do the job with one eye closed. They interviewed very well.
What I got was someone who didn’t want to /couldn’t learn, tried to indulge in inappropriate ‘banter’, refused to follow processes because they knew better(!) and who was extremely rude when they felt under pressure/challenged. Unsurprisingly they failed probation.

Do people really care about this in 2024? My partners gone to the office with stubble. He shaves every three days and gets irritation easily. His stubble is dark and noticeable within hours. One of his colleagues works in a tracksuit so doubtful they give a shit about stubble…. it’s really relaxed.

I may have missed this on a message above (sorry if that’s the case) but I just don’t know why you would hire someone you know is 60, obese, and scruffy, and then, after 6 months, conclude he’s too old / fat / scruffy.

Nowt to do with you. Get a life.

Sounds like he has self awareness issues, going to work scruffy and unshaven could be just the tip of the iceberg. You don't know at work if he warms left over fish pie up in the microwave and doesn't clean up after himself. Leaves crumbs on his desk etc etc..... YANBU definitely, you know your man better than any other on here.

OP - whilst I disagree with you about facial hair, you do not have to apologise to him. He threw things at you. He has behaved abusively towards you. And he is losing jobs ant a rate which suggests something is be very wrong.

And they are the bigger issueS here.

@LoremIpsumCici you’re very quick to doubt yourself. I’m guessing Prince Charming has worn you down?

I don’t think you should be rushing to apologise for a frankly reasonable opinion. And certainly not to someone who verbally and physically assaulted you.

For what it’s worth, I’d agree with you. Standards have changed a lot, and things that were completely unprofessional even ten years ago are more acceptable now.

But if you look up at the higher level corporate men, they dress well. Dh rarely wears a tie any more, but he compensates with a better cut of shirt, in a fabric that don’t rumple and definitely isn’t see through, It’s the difference between a relaxed European look, and slob.

Some industries are more forgiving of appearance- some are less so. And in an uncertain jobs market, it’s wise to cast an eye over the person who decides whether to keep you or let you go and not be too fastidious if they’re very casual, or too scruffy if they’re fastidious. Different when you’ ve a niche skill, or are in a counter culture field like tech or politics.

I think some people can get away with things that others can't.
Joel Dommett with stubble, client-facing? Fine.
Old man Steptoe, not so much.

I think the voting was skewed because you didn’t open the thread with the real, more detailed issues. I think there would be a different result if you’d said it was your husband, you were having some real marital problems and he has a don’t care attitude (towards you and his appearance).

His behaviour towards you is unacceptable.

I find clean shaven blokes quite unattractive actually. I much prefer a bit of stubble.

Why does it matter what they look like? Does a bit of stubble stop them from working?

I don't think it's unprofessional

Give over, you're being ridiculous. Also I'm pretty sure said men couldn't give a flying fuck what you think, so there's that.

I think it is, though could list a number of worse things. Part of being the scruffiest nation in Europe.

Most employers will not mention it though.

YABU in that men shouldn’t need to shave just the same as women shouldn’t either.

However your “D”H sounds like an absolute cunt and I wouldn’t be apologising to him at all. Is he usually violent? Does he regularly throw things at you? Are you safe?

You don't need to apologise.

Drip feed aside I agree with you about looking professional for a work environment and I agree with you that what you can often get away with in your 20s-40s presents a different picture in your 50s and 60s.

People can of course look however the fuck they want, but it's mad to not recognise that other people will, rightly or wrongly, judge you for that, companies running probation periods will be judging you for everything.

What the hell are you on about? This is her husband, who is struggling to hold a job, it's quite usual to care about what your spouse thinks.

Posters cry drip feed when they plunge in with opinions without asking basic questions.

OP, my point wasn't actually meant to be criticism of you at all. I just meant that if things are at this point, this doesn't feel like a loving and healthy relationship any more.

Everything you've said kind of points towards you finding your husband irritating and unattractive, and if he is calling you a bitch and throwing things at you, he is clearly abusive, and frankly I wouldn't blame you if you did hate him - he certainly doesn't seem to have much affection for you, if that's how he behaves. It's awful.

My point is simply that his stubble is not the problem here - either in your marriage, or in his job. It's unlikely that this is the reason he's been deemed 'not a good fit' at work. It will be his personality, not his appearance, that is the issue. He's behaving awfully towards you and clearly repeatedly has problems getting on with people at work.

YABU and ridiculous.

I am always made up for work.
I wear make up, have my hair and nails done and keep my eyebrows shaped.

I do notice when men or women also make an effort with their appearance but I have never judged someone for not making an effort.

I work with a lady with a very noticeable moustache, never wears make up and admits to not brushing her hair very often due to mobility.
I absolutely her and she’s such a hard worker.

I also work with a man who looks immaculate.
He goes to the gym every day, is always clean shaven, smells good and wears expensive suits.
He’s a prick.

I know which one all of my team would prefer to work with.

You cannot tell an adult to shave.
Just like he cannot tell you to wear make up.

I completely understand your frustration but this has nothing to do with his appearance and tbh it sounds like he’s going in and acting like a twat.

He knows it’s his performance but is too much of an arse to admit it.

If he is clean, his hair is brushed, his clothes clean/not crumpled/properly fitting, shoes clean etc, I think it's unfair he should be judged for his age, weight and facial hair.

I think looking scruffy and dishevelled, especially when he's new to the job, implies that he doesn't care very much about fitting in or working in a team. It's rather disrespectful.

A bit of afford to look professional but these days everything goes. At least in MN.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not like your husband’s scruffy unkempt appearance, which may be impacting his ability to keep a job.

OP you should have made it clear in your first post that it was your husband and you weren’t just some judgemental, interfering work colleague.