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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think of uninviting her

134 replies

Forthelovagod · 08/08/2024 23:24

Invited friend on holiday with my family. She's being a nightmare and we haven't even left yet. I can't stand her negativity, abruptness and mean-ness. I have been friends with her a long time but i no longer want her in my life. She causes me nothing but stress and i realise now that she's only having a hardtime because she behaves in a way that is totally unreasonable but then adopts a poor me attitude.

We go on holiday in 2 days. Aibu to even consider telling her i cant go through with it. I can refund her, its less than 200 quid as cheap flight and small contribution to our accomodation.
Or do i have to suck it up for a week. Im actually dreading spending a week with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Forthelovagod · 13/08/2024 09:42

@Nanny0gg my daughter has known her all her life. She sees what i see but minus all the texts etc which are to me obviously.

OP posts:

Happyface246 · 13/08/2024 10:14

Lilaccprincess · 09/08/2024 12:00

Maybe call her and have an adult conversation with her. You don’t want to lose the friendship but you’ve been finding her difficult and negative lately and worried about spending a week together.

She may break down and tell you she’s struggling and shouldn’t have acted that way. She may turn round and say I don’t want to come on holiday etc.

I think you’ve been friends with her for long to dump her and send her money 2 days before flying out is just rude and bad on you. You know she’s been like this for a while and invited her away knowing she was like this.

Solve this properly

This…

tuvamoodyson · 13/08/2024 10:33

1offnamechange · 09/08/2024 21:29

Do people really send texts to friends (or anyone!) in this sort of excessively formal corporate business speak?

Surely 'X, all your messages over the last week have been either rude, miserable or aggressive, and this one was the last straw. I'm sorry but I can't handle a week on holiday with you like this, just the idea is making me miserable. I've transferred your money back,' is a bit more...normal?

OP she literally offered not to come, that was the perfect opportunity to agree, I can't believe you backed out! Even if not for yourself but for your poor family who have to put up with this grumpy cow for their whole holiday!

Show quote history

That’s what I always think! They always sound as if they’ve come straight from Perry Mason!

Macaroni46 · 13/08/2024 10:37

I've been pondering over this thread for a few days now.
Having been in both positions in the past - the family including someone and the lone person, I can see both sides.
Sometimes, as the lone 'extra' person that has been invited along, one can feel like the spare part and the charity case. Plans are made without consulting you; you are treated as a lesser person who is expected to fall in line with the family. It can feel like you have no voice, no say, your opinion or way of doing things is discounted or seen as inferior. You are like the poor relation.
Obviously, when there's a family involved, for the most part, they are in the majority so their ways dominant. But could your friend's wishes or ways of doing things be adopted once or twice? Could she plan things and people do things her way?

rookiemere · 13/08/2024 10:44

Forthelovagod · 13/08/2024 09:38

@CosyLemur i dont stay 40 mins from her. My Dad stays an hour from her and his house her house and the airport form a triangle.
I live 4 hrs from both but had been staying with my parents for a couple of nights.

Update.... We are all good so far. It definitely helped talking with her before we left. We are just different people. For example.... First thing i like to drink coffee and quietly catch up with emails, messages, sm. She likes to chat quite loudly and is very animated. Horses for courses. But both surving. 🙏

Glad it's going ok OP.

I too am not a huge chatty morning person until I have my coffee. When we have house guests I sneak down to get my first cup ( I'm quite an early riser) and am very irrationally irritated if they hear me and come down as well.

But it sounds as if generally the pre holiday chat cleared the air.

alrightluv · 13/08/2024 11:29

Glad you're surviving.

Original poster

Forthelovagod · 13/08/2024 13:29

Thanks guys. Im glad its going ok too as was so worried it may be the holiday from hell.

And yes absolutely everyone is enjoying a say in what we do each day. I genuinely am happy to go with the flow, i just want to see the country and for everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.

OP posts:

AmIEnough · 14/08/2024 08:05

Does she have ADHD? In this situation given the holidays are so precious I would probably just send her a message saying that you don’t wish to be unkind but you’re finding her behaviour unacceptable and so you feel it would be better if she didn’t come on your holiday. Refund her £200 but tell her that the flight is there for her to use if she wishes to arrange accommodation elsewhere. The way she has behaved regarding getting to the airport and the parking is really really difficult and unacceptable on her part. Don’t ruin your holiday or the holiday for the rest of your family because of one person. It sounds to me so she may be ND but that doesn’t mean you have to accept her ruining your holiday.

BustingBaoBun · 14/08/2024 10:23

?? It's a bit late to contact her telling her not to come, the OP has updated, they are on holiday and all is going OK.

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