To think of uninviting her

[Forthelovagod]

Invited friend on holiday with my family. She's being a nightmare and we haven't even left yet. I can't stand her negativity, abruptness and mean-ness. I have been friends with her a long time but i no longer want her in my life. She causes me nothing but stress and i realise now that she's only having a hardtime because she behaves in a way that is totally unreasonable but then adopts a poor me attitude.

We go on holiday in 2 days. Aibu to even consider telling her i cant go through with it. I can refund her, its less than 200 quid as cheap flight and small contribution to our accomodation.
Or do i have to suck it up for a week. Im actually dreading spending a week with her.

Thanks got all the varying opinions. I appreciate the feedback.

So i sent a message saying i wondered if sjecwas regretting booking to cone because there has been no positive chat from her, only stressing about money etc and that i really want a relaxing holiday. I also told her directly what things in messages were upsetting me so as to be clear.
She responded absolutely wants to go amd is happy with all the arrangements ive made.

I called her and as predicted she became the victim in it. She's been busy. Stressful stuff happening and she ends uo sending blunts messages to her 'very good friend' but they come across blunt and rude and she doesnt mean it. She then goes quiet and talks in an almost childlike defeated voice saying things like 'if you don't want me to come i can just not come, you dont have to give me a refund.' But this is the same 45 yr old woman who asked what her share of fuel/parking was, when i suggested £10 towards fuel (40mile detour to take her) said she wasn't sure that fuel would be that expensive as only going her house to Airport (30miles) no thought to my 40 mile detour before to get to her. Just mean and tight which is so unpleasant and i am always generous towards her.

Anyway i said goodbye, see you tmrw.... Lets have a lovely holiday.... She said goodbye in the chastised child voice which is completely her style and ive since had some unsent messages to messenger. She can come on holiday but i will learn from this.

The lesson there is to push back quicker.

So when she says/does something unreasonable , don’t patiently let it go. Challenge it.

‘Hey, Jane! You’re doing it again. Stop being snappy.’

Don't refund her the money. Yet.

Because I assume she has a plane ticket in her name? What if you refund her the money and she turns up at the airport and goes anyway? You can't stop her...

Cancelling someone's holiday 2 days prior is utter shitbaggery.

How many of you are going? Can you arrange to go and do trips without her?

Ugh - yeah, I’m afraid I’m prone to over committing and it’s a lesson I have to remind myself of.

Some nice and non mad in general people are really strange with money. We once gave a friend a 5 year old car (we were emigrating) and they asked if they could have it sooner, and they’d go halves with us on hiring us a hire car til we left….

but you know, you have to practice pausing and saying I’ll think about it and get back to you….

I really hope it goes better than it seems.

Myself and two almost adult children. Everyone can do their own thing but i know she wont be happy to do that. She is not a go with the flow kinda person. But we share some hobbies (how we met) so hopefully can be 'busy'

said she wasn't sure that fuel would be that expensive as only going her house to Airport (30miles) no thought to my 40 mile detour

Why the hell are you doing a detour if she only lives 30 miles from the airport? That's ridiculous

Because the flight is during the night so no public transport and she didnt want to take her car also as im taking mine.

Well done OP that can't have been an easy call but you've given her the option to back gracefully out and she's chosen to come. Hopefully she will understand what's been said, that you don't want any shittery, just a nice holiday and buck up. Either way, make the best of it. Go with an open mind, she might surprise you and be lovely. If not, just remind yourself you don't have to invite her again!

This. Don't let it build up. Politely point out to her when she's being grumpy, aggressive, rude, snappy, whatever.

If this doesn't work, then calmly point out that you are not going to be her kicking post, and if she can't be pleasant in company she needs to take herself elsewhere, and mean it.

I will however this is tricky because she then sulks and thats almost more unbearable than her abrupt ness but it's one week I guess. Never again

"I'll meet you there" - why didnt you say that? So what if she said she didnt want to take her car - tough luck.

Stop pandering to this child-woman who will without a doubt ruin your holiday, and then moaning about her.

YOU invited her. YOU said you would pick her up. YOU haven't had the backbone to tell her to make her own way.

Why should she be thankful? Sounds like she has shown you who she is plenty of times. She hasn't hid it.

I did suggest meeting there. Parking is expensive and she suggested itakes sense to split it. I agreed. I wouldn't mind the detour for a friend but i do mind the rudeness

Uninvite. Concentrate on your poorly father. You don't need this in your life.

Well I, for one, will be waiting with 🍿🍿for the update where she has made you absolutely miserable, and you can't escape her. Then you will have wasted far more than £200 and a crappy codependent friendship.

Absolutely this ^

Btw I think if she drives and can afford it I think it's perfectly ok to let her know she's driving herself. Sod her quibbling over petrol. I'd at least relieve myself of that burden.

Sounds like your holiday is going to be a nightmare!

Not sure if you have happened to mention where you're going but if it's anywhere that has a pool and a bar and a sea front area that you can walk along and sight see at, then tell her that this is precisely what you're planning on doing when you're on holidays. You're going to sit by the pool, have plenty of drinks, walk the sea front and eat. That's it. If she wants to go off and do tours, then that's on her.

I do hope she isn't sharing a room with you because I'd nip that in the bud now - perhaps email the hotel before you leave and say that your rooming arrangement has changed and can they help? Get a single room for her and a triple one for you and your kids.

Best of luck on the holiday and don't worry about burning that bridge on your return flight - let her find her own way home from the airport at that stage!

Yeah, this.

Hmm, I think you should have taken her up on her offer not to come!!!

Good luck though. I hope it goes ok.

I hope you manage to have a good holiday.

Please channel some of the assertiveness on here if needed and use it!

I cannot believe you have jeopardised a precious holiday with your children for such a manipulative cow.

You should have accepted her offer to not go.

You have put this awful woman ahead of your children.

If she ruins it with her spoiled diva act, that is completely on you.

Do people really send texts to friends (or anyone!) in this sort of excessively formal corporate business speak?

Surely 'X, all your messages over the last week have been either rude, miserable or aggressive, and this one was the last straw. I'm sorry but I can't handle a week on holiday with you like this, just the idea is making me miserable. I've transferred your money back,' is a bit more...normal?

OP she literally offered not to come, that was the perfect opportunity to agree, I can't believe you backed out! Even if not for yourself but for your poor family who have to put up with this grumpy cow for their whole holiday!