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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

…To Ghost Employer

143 replies

ThePlumVan · 08/08/2024 11:18

..not resign, not communicate that I have a new job, literally just block and move on with my life ?

Been in current job 8 years.
Had the most horrendous Line Manager for 6 of those. I work across a matrix structure so am answerable to several Department Managers - but LM is the one who has refused to sign off legitimate expenses with receipts so I no longer submit them, has refused all training/CPD opportunities in that time, micromanages things she knows nothing about, contradicts me, produces meeting minutes that are misleading/inaccurate, requests very shading business practices be carried out and when I refuse has tantrums and tries to do it herself but again she isn’t qualified so can’t do it, won’t sign off annual leave until the week before so it’s too late to book holiday and then says they might have to be cancelled anyway depending on business need so I can never look forward to anything, books evening meetings when I have caring responsibilities, books daytime meetings onsite with no notice when I am working miles away, demands me to drop everything with the other departments when she has something that can wait and they don’t, so I end up working evenings to meet the other deadlines. If I miss a call from her will continually phone me until I pick up even if I’m in meetings, I could go on and on - but basically it’s been awful and has affected my mental health horrendously.

I don’t want to work my notice. I don’t want to see or speak or think of her ever again.
I feel bad for the other Depts, but not enough to go back (currently on annual leave).

YABU - just be professional and work your notice.
YANBU - your life has been hell for long enough, just block them and crack on with your lovely new job.

OP posts:
cloudsprite · 08/08/2024 12:02

I'd resign and tell them why, then get a Drs note for your notice period.

Butterflyfern · 08/08/2024 12:04

Resign, sending the resignation to HR and cc'ing in all your managers (including LM). Remember, you're telling them, not asking for permission.

Then just work to rule for your notice period. No after hours meetings (decline them), no rushing to different sites at the last minute. Place your phone on mute, face down and only check it twice a day. And so on.

What are they going to do? Sack you?! But take back some control while there is no risk to you.

ThatDaringMintCritic · 08/08/2024 12:06

Just resign and work out your notice. As others said you need your P45 etc and once you've hit send on your resignation email your LM's behaviour won't bother you quite so much anyway. Sit down and work out ways of dealing with her during your notice period. Do as much communication via email as possible. Don't work extra hours. It will go a lot quicker than you think it will and once you've resigned she has much less power over you. Good luck in your new role.

LutonBeds · 08/08/2024 12:07

TheDefiant · 08/08/2024 11:44

You'll need your P45.

You need to end your contract properly to get that.

No she won’t. Just fill a P46 in at the new place, many send these in the offer letter and contract anyway. Tax office just work your code out from that, used to be my job when I worked for the (then) Inland Revenue.

DaisyDewks · 08/08/2024 12:07

Do you have another job to go to?

ImikSiMik · 08/08/2024 12:14

Email HR stating your leaving dates and that you're formally resigning so they can't sue you for breach of contract.

After they have paid your final salary,
email HR and the line manager of your boss the real reason why you left. Throw her under the bus with concrete examples of her poor work practices. Use very solid examples of her incompetence which can't be ignored.

I did this when I left a previous employer. They put my ex line manager on capability performance and sacked her several months after I left. I used solid examples & emphasised that she was bringing the firm into disrepute with her behaviour. This is what makes the ears of employers stand up, they care more about their reputation than they do about their staff.

Girasole02 · 08/08/2024 12:15

I got signed off then resigned. Most liberating thing I've ever done. References required for new job were character reference and a reference from someone I had worked closely with so asked a supportive colleague. Go for it, you won't regret it.

NippyCrab · 08/08/2024 12:16

Definitely what @NeverDropYourMooncup said and also @Madamecholetsbonnet don't give the LM any leeway to say you are unreasonable in any way and were a nightmare to manage. Whatever route you decide it definitely needs to include you resigning properly. It will give you more drama and headaches in the long term.
Good luck with your new job, I hope I've read it correctly that you've secured it. X

AgathaMystery · 08/08/2024 12:17

I would go off sick and get as much pay as I could from them.

CosmicDaisyChain · 08/08/2024 12:24

More context I think. In what way is HR not there for you? Tried to involve them or did involve them? What was the outcome of your grievance?

Lakeyloo · 08/08/2024 12:25

Sounds awful OP, How people get away with this i have no idea but i agree with those saying don't just walk out.
You may need a reference in the future and they will probably hold back any outstanding pay.
Resign and get signed off, or work your notice but do the bare minimum with a smile on your face to wind her up as much as possible, and definitely put something in writing once you have your P45, Final salary etc. Good luck with the new job.

iamtheblcksheep · 08/08/2024 12:28

Sounds like you have a case for constructive dismissal to me

Cantgetausername87 · 08/08/2024 12:30

Yeah as tempting as it must be it will ne too messy. Just hand in your notice (today and email will suffice!) And then either work it or go off sick. It's not worth them withholding your p45 for example and messing up your tax. Also do not do these extras during your notice period. Turn up, do the bare minimum and log out on time x

ClaudiaWankleman · 08/08/2024 13:11

Realistically if you don't work your notice it's highly likely nothing will happen. But for your own financial health and to save yourself the stress, I'd let work know. You can always be signed off with stress for your notice period.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 08/08/2024 13:12

Email HR and say you resign with immediate effect.

SwordToFlamethrower · 08/08/2024 13:49

Hand your notice in on your last day, detailing why you're leaving. So at least it can stir some shit !

MaryEllenWaldron · 08/08/2024 14:40

rainbowhigh · 08/08/2024 11:20

have you raised the issue with the HR?

Amazing how often the first reply on a thread completely nails it.

PrettyPines · 08/08/2024 15:30

I would be writing her a letter explaining why and then not work notice. Personally, I'd want her to know why though.
I'd also talk to ACAS about constructive dismissal.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 08/08/2024 15:37

Well done for leaving but do it properly. You’ve survived 6 years, 3 months won’t make much difference especially as you know there’s a close end date. You don’t want to do anything that will damage your reputation.

It’s a shame you didn’t actively involve HR and document the bullying because if you did you’d have more of an upper hand and may have been permitted to not work your notice with no come back on you.

Having evidence and a record of HR involvement would also make it easier to go for a constructive dismissal payout. If they are hurt in the pocket, they’ll deal with her.

JWhipple · 08/08/2024 15:39

Inform them you won't be returning after your annual leave due to having a new job.

If possible get a written reference from one of the other managers. Purely in the event a future employer wants something from them.

Or go off sick until you start your new job. You wouldn't be the first and you wouldn't be the last.

One year I walked.out of three jobs. They were all terrible. I dropped off any of their property and informed them I wouldn't be back.

If being professional and ethical is so important as others state, then surely the business would've supported OP and managed her line manager appropriately for their awful conduct and terrible performance.

SauviGone · 08/08/2024 15:46

If she’s not signed off expenses then they owe you money, so try and get as much money as possible from them.

Have you got another job lined up already?

I’d initially go off sick for a week self-cert to give yourself some headspace and plan how to handle this. Do whatever you have to do - phone/text/email to say you’re sick, and then block them.

Cherrysoup · 08/08/2024 15:48

How much notice are you meant to give? Do you need a reference, presumably? Have you secured another post?

Shallana · 08/08/2024 17:38

Just email your notice in with immediate effect? Why would you not tell then that you are leaving?

OolongTeaDrinker · 08/08/2024 19:02

In your position I would work my notice, but make thing difficult for her by doing the bare minimum and exposing her incompetence at every opportunity. As you no longer care about keeping that job, give her as many chances to show her true self as possible. You will only get once chance for revenge and this is it!

Coffeekitten · 08/08/2024 19:50

Sorry you are going through this OP.

I was in a similar situation 5 years ago and it made me very unwell - no job is worth that.

My notice period was 3 months but I managed to negotiate it down to 6 weeks as I think they were spooked I might take them legal. I detailed in my notice letter exactly why I was leaving, how it was the last resort, all the steps I had gone to to prevent it e.g HR etc etc. I then got a doctors note for stress and never went back.

You never know when you may cross paths with somebody and you may need a reference in the future so I would definitely do it the right way rather than ghosting them. Hope everything works out for you OP