Husband said I was too mentally unstable to give birth without an epidural

[csectiondepression]

As the title says really, husband said I was too mentally unstable to give birth without epidural. Unfortunately I'm immune to local aneasethia and the hospital had no alternative pain meds (I ended up at an alternate hospital that didn't even have epidurals anyway).

When I did induction - second day I was on the drip for several hours while I had him just sitting there watching me and in the end I just gave up and had a c-section anyway.

I kept thinking he was just sitting there watching me fail and I had no other support of any kind (no friends or family near).

We're months down the line now and I'm just full of bitterness. I regret having the c-section so much as I could have coped the pain with just a little support.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way nearly 3 months on? I wonder why he married me and got me pregnant with such an opinion.

I did it without epidural - it wasn’t routinely offered in 2000. Labour comes on harder and faster, so the midwife told me, but I coped ok - because I have a great DH.

OP, yours is useless. I’ve heard of these idiots - the ones who critique their partners and give out that they’re an expert. If I ever meet one in real life and he treats me to a discussion of his wife’s inadequacies in the birthing room he will soon regret it.

But please try to get past the c section regret. My DS2 was born by section. It didn’t take me too long to realise there are pros as well as cons - you delivered safely and had a healthy baby.

Please make sure you stay in touch with friends and family.
His sort will try and alienate you from anyone who will bolster you up and he'll try his hardest to crash your self esteem.
A c-section is no failure though, you need to keep telling yourself that although the birth didn't go to your plan, the end result is the same, a beautiful baby.

So when are you leaving him.

cos I’ll bet this is just the tip of the iceberg

mine was she doesn’t need this and that it’s labour it’s easy and I grabbed him and told him to fuck off out of the delivery room I didn’t need him there being a twat. He refused till the matron came and told him to get out
He had to be escorted by security because he made a bloody fuss about his rights.he was told he had no rights whilst screaming he did.

i went to my aunts after the birth which was a C Section in the end. Mother (me) and baby alive

@monopolykimmage this was back in the early 90s!

The main reason I remember is the massive tantrums he would throw if 'one of his mums' hadn't got an epidural quick enough.

When he's given birth successfully he gets to have an opinion on it.

Until then he's just an opinionated gobshite who is fucking rude. Get rid of him - you'll be much more mentally stable without being tied to a prick like this.

Ask him if wants noro virus level stomach pains for hours followed by a skin burn streach so forceful on his Penis that it splits his skin in two needing to be stiched back up. Without pain relief.

Well he is a massive arsehole then, isnt he ?

@AnnaMagnani

Thank you - the first hospital I was at ONLY did induction births - they'd do at 39 weeks, and NO epidual is allowed for first pregnancy. They were making a special case for me as the weak British girl.

I got moved to a bigger hospital at the last minute and there is no epidual or pain relief of any kind for giving birth there (including this gas and air everyone talks about on here) - induction or otherwise. You just have to white knuckle it.
There was only 1 option - he support me through it.

Since I didn't have that I created option 2 by ripping the drip out and demanding a c-section.

I've now found out that basically v-bac isn't allowed in most of this country and I'm devastated.

He’s a cunt

That all sounds horrific, and you've done amazingly. There's no failure here on your part at all.

It sounds familiar, did you post about being worried about the country you're in and the vastly different medical care in labour when you were pregnant? Having to be quiet, no meds etc?

OP, are you in Japan? This sounds familiar

What exactly did he say?

I'm wondering if there's any discrepancy between what he actually said and how you interpreted what he said. You were in pain, nervous and feeling like you were failing. I'm wondering if those thoughts might have coloured your judgement a little.

Good grief, is Japan like that?!

No idea, but a fairly recent poster based in Japan was worried about her imminent birth experience...

my DD gave birth without pain meds! it wasnt her choice... it was too fast, and i think she was a warrior... she now has PTSD because she actually thought she was going to die!

Is he a qualified professional? Who the hell does he think he is?

What do YOU think regarding your mental health OP? I'm so sorry you had a nasty, unsupportive, selfish dick with you.

Please re-evaluate this relationship, it does not sound like he is a good guy. Actually, he sounds vile.

On a side note, I hope you are recovering well.

Truth. I had to be induced twice and the contractions were straight from hell. There was no time for an epidural in either case. At least it shortened the labour though.

Men who mansplain labour and birth and get all judgy about it should be flogged.
YANBU. He's a twunt.

Oh wow what country is that??? Talk about being set up to fail!

Why are you so upset about a c section? I'm having one and I don't understand the negativity. Yes, bigger risks and longer recovery than a straightforward vaginal birth, but you almost sound ashamed?!

I haven't read all the replies, so apologies if this is repeated. You haven't in any way failed. I've had natural births and sections and they're all hard. Certainly more of a recovery time with the latter though. He sounds ignorant and very unsympathetic. How has he been with you and your baby since then?

Please research emotional abuse and narcissist abuse. My ex also turned nasty and accused me of being too anxious and neurotic while I was pregnant. He left me just before our now toddler was born which was a big trauma but in hindsight a freeing blessing.
I also feel like if id have a decent partner supporting me I could have done a v birth but I went for the c section too based on his opinion.

In terms of your birth you need to come to terms with it - you did the best you could in the situation you were in and you can't go back in time. You have a healthy baby and who knows what might have gone wrong with you or baby if you had done a v birth.

You deserve kindness care and support from a partner.

100%! I had an epidural inserted before even a drop of that induction hormone lol.

I remember that thread.
I also remember her DH being problematic for some.reason

Such a lovely post!

I'm so sorry for this terrible experience you had to endure, OP. FWIW, my ex sat and read a book on the birthing chair while I sweated it out totally unsupported. You have accomplished a wonderful thing! Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I eventually managed to leave the father and we are much happier for it.