To think they should have at least offered a refund?

[7thCircleofHell]

NC for this

DS (6) is autistic. Non-verbal but sociable, more bothered by sounds and sensations than volume of people. Biggest issue is his lack of risk awareness and tendency to bolt. (All relevant)

New soft play opened in town. Brilliant - he's getting bored with the old one.

Decide to take him along with his baby sister.

Arrive and they want to take payment through a window to the outside of the building. I explained that I can't let go of DS hand as he would run into the main road, but happy to pay inside.

It turns out that within the play apparatus there is an inflatable section. DS could not tolerate the noise and went to hide under a table very near the front door.
The main doors are locked on a buzzer which is good, but there is no "air lock" type measure once inside.
I was terrified he was going to push past someone coming in and get onto the main road.

I was talking to staff and I made the suggestion that they get one installed as it won't just be an issue for SEN kids, but toddlers too.

Decided to leave with DS after just ten minutes, whereby he had a full blown meltdown (biting and scratching me) and took another ten minutes for another parent to take pity on my and take the baby so I could calm DS enough to get out the door (lovely woman, actually helped me all the way to the car while I bodily carried DS).

So I paid a small fortune for just ten minutes play.

AIBU to think the staff could have (not should have) offered a refund under the circumstances?

It's the kind of thing that earns them so much good will and SEN patently rely so much on recommendations from other SEN parents that it would have been to their advantage in terms of word of mouth in our local community.

I suppose I'm just overwhelmed by the whole event - it's the first major meltdown DS has had since we've had his sister and coping with two of them while it was happening was HARD.

Just needed to vent a little. Thanks

At what point?

DS was biting, scratching and having a meltdown, and a woman was assisting you in taking the baby to the car.

Im assuming you didn’t go back in, so when would have been a good time for them to offer when I’m sure it looked like your hands were full…?

If I'm understanding this correctly your son didn't want to leave - hence the meltdown which isn't really relevant to the fact that you didn't want to pay for only 10 mins of session.

Doesn't sound like you will be back so where does the need for goodwill kick in?

Probably at the point 10 mins in when I told him I was going to have to leave for DS safety due to the lack of "airlock" on the door and the 10 minute meltdown.

But I'm guessing you didn't read to the bottom where I kinda answered my own question - It would've been nice, but I'm not entitled enough to think that they must

These places are normally run by kids with limited customer service and probably ran by a boss who's bothered only about maximum extraction of cash, so no I'd not expect any refund at all.

To clarify, he didn't want his shoes on so that we could leave rather than not wanting to leave iyswim. (Sensory plus a sudden transition)

It's difficult to fully "get it" until you have a SEN child. I know I didn't.

It does sound more like you were overwhelmed than they owe you a refund.

When you say airlock, what do you mean? Presumably the door can't lock as they need to be able to let people in. I think you chalk it up to a bad experience and move on

They want you to stand outside and pay? What about in the rain and snow? What about when there is a bit of a queue? And, like you say, having toddlers or SEN kids you need to keep hold of.
That would have put me off right away; why do you have to pay standing outside?

The issue with the door; a lot of these pleases don’t have the air lock style entrance, so it’s up to you to make sure they don’t just run out. Sometimes that’s fine but for some families, it will never be suitable. It just is what it is though.

It does sound more like you were overwhelmed than they owe you a refund.

Yes, this.

Two doors which won’t both open at the same time. So, door opens and you walk into a foyer. The door behind you closes and then the door in front opens, but both won’t open at the same time. It means if a kid does bolt, they cannot get outside. They would just end up standing in the little foyer/air lock bit.

@7thCircleofHell the part I don't get is the goodwill thing - sounds like the place is unsuitable for many DC, particularly SEN so why would you recommend them if you'd had your money back?

I don't think they were unreasonable to not refund, but if you feel up to it I'd definitely feed back some suggestions. For example, perhaps they could put photos and a list of the soft play equipment online alone with details of the payment set up etc so people who have accessibility factors to consider can have a look before they go? I agree ideally the door would be set up to minimise the risk, but sadly tonnes of places don't have this so does take a lot of juggling when you have more than one child.

Hope you're okay, it can be overwhelming.

A fenced area with a gate inside the main door. Most soft plays round our way have them.
Make sure main door is closed before going through the inner gate

I think hoping they get the new type of door in place is all you can do. They might not have realised, I think asking for a refund is a bit too hopeful

I have a DC with asd so I understand. I'd email them and see what they say letting them know the safety concerns that you have. I do know certain establishments get great publicity within local asd groups as they are known for being asd friendly.

If you didn’t pay until you were inside why didn’t you just leave immediately when you realised they didn’t have an “airlock”, if it’s a safety feature you deem crucial?

I'm not being unsympathetic, genuinely i'm not - i've been there and i know the myriad of challenges, fears and feelings. But life with a kid with ASD is going to be full of events you have to leave early, or never get to. Days out cut short. Planned and anticipated things not working out for one reason or another.

You kind of have to view it that a service was offered, you accepted that offer and paid for it. their end of the deal was fulfilled, the "unsuitability" for want of a better word, of the service is on your side really. it sucks, but that's life.

To clarify the person who helped me was an other parent, and I didn't ask for a refund at all.

Guess I was just mind-splurging due to being overwhelmed.

Shame as it's It's a nicely set up soft play and I know some SEN kids could handle the place (DS would have been fine were it not for the noise of the inflatables and the door issue)

Agreed. It's unfair to innediately assume those without kids with ASN don't understand. My eldest has autism and youngest may be on the spectrum too, I still don't think you're entitled to a refund.

Wasn't crucial until he was running away from the inflatables.

@JackRabbitSlim have repeatedly said I know I'm not ENTITLED to one.

Just venting really and thinking that the goodwill would have been nice.

We'll go back to our usual soft play as they are pretty good with stuff like this.

Right, but it’s your job to check a place out and realise that it’s not suitable. The business didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just not suitable for your son and they can do anything about the noise from the inflatables. If your kid can’t handle that noise then you shouldn’t have gone.

There were plenty places I couldn’t take my oldest because I knew what his reaction would be. I didnt pay, leave after 10 minutes and then complain about wanting a refund.

That sounds very stressful, OP. I know what you mean about the 'airlock' set up, and I can't think of a soft play I've been to that doesn't have one, so that's odd, and presumably a worry for other parents too.

Unfortunately I don't think it's a refund situation, and more just bad luck.

But then surely it’s your job as his parent to ensure he doesn’t run over to the door?

It sounds stressful and I do sympathise, but the place aren’t to blame for his meltdown, and the expectation is on the parents to supervise/watch their children.

I don't think a refund is appropriate sorry.
I'd just chalk it up to experience and not go there again xx

I think you just had a bad experience. It isn't their fault. You now know what the set up is there and won't go again. I have had similar experiences over the years and now always do a pre visit before going to scope out any problems and check things will be suitable. It is a pain but is worth it in the long run. Sorry you had such a nightmare. It is horrible to go through.