To think they should have at least offered a refund?

[7thCircleofHell]

NC for this

DS (6) is autistic. Non-verbal but sociable, more bothered by sounds and sensations than volume of people. Biggest issue is his lack of risk awareness and tendency to bolt. (All relevant)

New soft play opened in town. Brilliant - he's getting bored with the old one.

Decide to take him along with his baby sister.

Arrive and they want to take payment through a window to the outside of the building. I explained that I can't let go of DS hand as he would run into the main road, but happy to pay inside.

It turns out that within the play apparatus there is an inflatable section. DS could not tolerate the noise and went to hide under a table very near the front door.
The main doors are locked on a buzzer which is good, but there is no "air lock" type measure once inside.
I was terrified he was going to push past someone coming in and get onto the main road.

I was talking to staff and I made the suggestion that they get one installed as it won't just be an issue for SEN kids, but toddlers too.

Decided to leave with DS after just ten minutes, whereby he had a full blown meltdown (biting and scratching me) and took another ten minutes for another parent to take pity on my and take the baby so I could calm DS enough to get out the door (lovely woman, actually helped me all the way to the car while I bodily carried DS).

So I paid a small fortune for just ten minutes play.

AIBU to think the staff could have (not should have) offered a refund under the circumstances?

It's the kind of thing that earns them so much good will and SEN patently rely so much on recommendations from other SEN parents that it would have been to their advantage in terms of word of mouth in our local community.

I suppose I'm just overwhelmed by the whole event - it's the first major meltdown DS has had since we've had his sister and coping with two of them while it was happening was HARD.

Just needed to vent a little. Thanks

Do you not understand that some parents have it harder than others? That the OP might not be fast enough? She had her baby with her as well. I get that a refund might not be due in this instance but why do people have to be so nasty on here?

I don't understand your point about SEN network and word of mouth. You went, it was completely unsuitable for your son so caused him to have a violent meltdown and you left after 10 minutes.

What good review or word of mouth do you think they'll be hoping you'll provide to other SEN parents if they offer a refund. Saying "it was unsuitable but they did give me a refund" isn't positive word of mouth that gets them any business, is it?

I have a DS with ASD and learning difficulties. At that age it wouldn't have been safe to try and supervise him and a baby/toddler at soft play and I didn't attempt it alone, it was stressful enough with 2 adults!
It is so hard, but you have to plan outings well and be realistic.

Any ASD goups in your area that run sessions?

I always used to do a 'recce' of new places by myself before taking my eldest. They were always very helpful when I explained why I wanted to check out the facilities/potential meltdown/problematic areas.

Sorry you had that experience, OP. Well done for trying!

I think all soft play I can think of has a gate before the main doors. It's standard. If this was something crucial to you I think I'd have just left before I paid. I think even with a refund you wouldn't have recommended them to SEN parents anyway, but I get what you mean that goodwill leaves a better taste. Had I have been the owner and witnessed that I'd refund and also take on board I need to increase my safety to be more inclusive.

“AIBU to think the staff could have (not should have) offered a refund under the circumstances?”

Im not sure how this would help tbh. The business is not at fault. Yes it might of been a nice gesture but they don’t have to do that

As awful as it sounds they probably dont give 2 hoots to SEN kids and your earlier recommendation that they probably get a 2 gate system likely got their backs up!

If you have a child with special needs, surely you would go and check out any new environment before you take your child there? Especially if they have sensory issues? Sorry but this is on you, not the business.

I don’t think you are due a refund but there are some design faults in the soft play.

1. paying outside before entering - not ideal when you’ve got a queue of people with kids and it’s raining, cold etc.

2. no air lock safety gates - children are unpredictable and especially if you have multiple children to look after, there should be the extra safety there just in case.

It would have been good customer service, absolutely. Instead you will probably never darken the door of the place again.

Have you tried something like a forest school environment? Much calmer usually even if it's being run in a city field.

She was supervising him entirely, which is why she could see him at the door and felt uneasy about it. Responses like this show a true lack of understanding for SEN.

I imagine the member of staff you talked to was a minimum wage worker who doesn't really care about the business (apart from doing their job, being polite etc) and it won't have even crossed their mind.
If you sent an email with your suggestions you'd be more likely to be offered something. But I don't think they should as once you do that for one person other people start expecting the same.

This. OP I really feel for you. Sorry it went badly.

I sympathise.
I once paid a small fortune to visit wonderlab in the science museum, on what I presumed was a quiet weekday.
When we got in there was an unbelievable amount of school children. Supervision was inadequate and many were charging around with stuff like tag, rather than interacting with the exhibits. The exhibits were crowded with many children shouting pushing etc. I’m an ex teacher and it was probably the most overwhelming and unsafe environment I’ve been in.
I paid for about 60 seconds in there with an autistic child!
They didn’t even respond to my polite email with suggestions that SEN parents are at least allowed to look inside at the environment before looking. I did think if not a refund allowing us to return another day would have been fair

Have you tried something like a forest school environment? Much calmer usually even if it's being run in a city field.

Yeah, but running was an issue.

Well the anti airlock thing would have been apparent as soon as you got in, so if you realised it wasn't safe and left immediately then yes perhaps you could have asked for a refund (but if that's so important that it means you don't feel safe staying there they might have expected you to ask before paying) - but given you realised, mentioned it to the staff and then played for ten minutes, it can't have been integral to you staying or going.

Same with the meltdown - it's a soft play surely hundreds of children, additional needs or not have meltdowns or tantrums or minor injuries or toileting accidents that mean they end up leaving earlier than they'd have liked/before the end of a session - if they all got offered refunds the place would go out of business!

I mean yes it might have been nice but only in the "it would be nice if they gave all kids at the soft play free sweets and the parents a coffee" sort of nice, I don't think it's the sort of thing you could reasonably expect.

Saying that, if you specifically asked them for a refund it might be something they would agree to - as you say if only for goodwill. I used to work at a cinema, we'd often offer refunds if people came out within the first half hour of a film (even if its just because they didnt like it/wasnt what they expected which i personally thought this was ridiculous but management were happy to do it), it's very much down to discretion. But expecting them to offer it without prompting is a bit unlikely!

I’m sorry, it sounds like a stressful experience but I think if it didn’t have a safety feature that’s important to you then you needed to have spoken up immediately.

I also don’t quite understand why if they’d given you a refund you’d feel goodwill towards them/recommend them to other SEN parents if you think it’s fundamentally unsuitable and actively unsafe. So not sure what they have to gain by refunding to be honest.

Unfortunately part of life with a child with autism is often getting somewhere and then having to leave shortly after because it’s not working for whatever reason. I always try to plan ahead but it still happens!

maybe a calm email feeding back to them is the way to go.

Why don’t you email them and explain what you’ve said here? It won’t cost you anything and their response will tell you if they’re a decent outfit or not.

It sounds like you had a really stressful experience but no I don't think they should have offered a refund.
Every soft play I've been to has had some sort of safety gate system though so kids can't escape, this isn't just for SEN kids but any toddler could decide to escape and any parent with a toddler and baby would struggle to have eyes on them both 100% of the time.
Best thing you can do is feed that back to them because if they're new they just might not realise.

Sorry your DS couldn't manage today, its sounds poorly set up, asking to pay outside is already a no for me not just for the fact he will bolt but it would be nice to at least step into the building and get a feel because you know your ds best after himself.

They could have been nice and offered you a refund.... probably at the point the other lady had to help you with the baby or before but places like these don't really care its just money isn't it unfortunately

I feel you, and most places have stopped their sen sessions over the summer ( at least where I am anyway) so the kids who get maybe 1 awkward hour a month/week have now had that taken from them whilst they're out of school and routine they can't even go somewhere that's just for them it's hard at the best of times bit especially when there's no quiet times not even specifically sen sessions just quieter time of day. Yes the air lock isn't great and I've seen posters saying you shouldn't have paid if you knew it wasn't the set up you required but sometimes we just have to try dint we.

Hope you're OK and your DS and you managed something else dun and regulating for him.

I sympathise OP. I have a SEN child with complex needs who gets very overwhelmed with soft play even though he loves it.

I think a lot of soft play isn't that suitable for SEN kids tbh. The equipment is great, but it's often crowded, with lots music, noisy, echo-ey, having to queue to get in even though you've pre-booked. And you have to follow your kids everywhere.

We usually look for ones with SEN sessions which are a bit calmer and the other parents more understanding.

I wouldn't have expected a refund - I've been to so many of these places where DS will refuse to even go in, or just spend 10 mins and want to leave. I would instead ask them, alongside other parents, if they would do a SEN session once a month and give them some advice on what would be helpful for SEN kids.

Are you telling a parent of a child with asd that they need to supervise their child? Because I’m sure OP knows this already.

It’s just nice and helpful when there is a gate that our children with asd can’t easily escape out of. 👍🏻

Surely that’s just a basic safety measure when you’re operating a venue where there are lots of toddlers and children with sen? It should be a venue that is safe and accessible for all. And if the gate isn’t safe then the venue isn’t accessible for all, is it? So on that basis I think OP should have the refund.

My dd has asd, and is very impulsive and can dash off in an instant especially if she’s having a meltdown. If I’m not quick enough she would be out of a gate like that. The gate should be locked locked locked because that is the venue’s responsibility.

Blimey, I think my responses can be seen as quite harsh, but some of these.... Wow!

The op has a new baby and is clearly trying to find her way in looking after both her children. It's experiences like this that can absolutely make or break her confidence in looking after them both and she's not the only mum of multiple to be in a state kf "omfg how do I do this", let alone with the added complexities a child with additional needs brings.

That being said, I don't think a refund is due. However, the OP has already said she didn't really expect it.

To the OP, please don't let this experience be anything other than learning. You do sound overwhelmed and perhaps if that's the case, see this as an opportunity to explore that possibility more, get advice from some of the boards on here, if you can get more support in real life etc.

most places have stopped their sen sessions over the summer ( at least where I am anyway) so the kids who get maybe 1 awkward hour a month/week

Yup. Precious few dedicated SEN sessions as it is and many are during school hours on weekdays - and then in the holidays even they are taken away because there's money to be made.

Six weeks of deregulation caused by lack of routine and great difficulty mitigating it where he can blow off steam.

We have a wonderful trampoline park that does an early morning session for young kids that's suitably quiet but he'll age out of that at 8.