To think they should have at least offered a refund?

[7thCircleofHell]

NC for this

DS (6) is autistic. Non-verbal but sociable, more bothered by sounds and sensations than volume of people. Biggest issue is his lack of risk awareness and tendency to bolt. (All relevant)

New soft play opened in town. Brilliant - he's getting bored with the old one.

Decide to take him along with his baby sister.

Arrive and they want to take payment through a window to the outside of the building. I explained that I can't let go of DS hand as he would run into the main road, but happy to pay inside.

It turns out that within the play apparatus there is an inflatable section. DS could not tolerate the noise and went to hide under a table very near the front door.
The main doors are locked on a buzzer which is good, but there is no "air lock" type measure once inside.
I was terrified he was going to push past someone coming in and get onto the main road.

I was talking to staff and I made the suggestion that they get one installed as it won't just be an issue for SEN kids, but toddlers too.

Decided to leave with DS after just ten minutes, whereby he had a full blown meltdown (biting and scratching me) and took another ten minutes for another parent to take pity on my and take the baby so I could calm DS enough to get out the door (lovely woman, actually helped me all the way to the car while I bodily carried DS).

So I paid a small fortune for just ten minutes play.

AIBU to think the staff could have (not should have) offered a refund under the circumstances?

It's the kind of thing that earns them so much good will and SEN patently rely so much on recommendations from other SEN parents that it would have been to their advantage in terms of word of mouth in our local community.

I suppose I'm just overwhelmed by the whole event - it's the first major meltdown DS has had since we've had his sister and coping with two of them while it was happening was HARD.

Just needed to vent a little. Thanks

However this post has riled me slightly. Dropping your ice cream is in no way comparable to a disability as protected in law

Mmm. Which bit of the Equality Act was broken in your situation? Because I can't see it personally.

All of the above don't compare to going to a play area with a SEN child and finding that basic security standards haven't been met meaning you need to leave for their own safety

@ToothPickk the op said there was a locking door with a buzzer system. I'd say that more than covers 'basic security standards'.

If the op had believed the environment was unsafe for her dc then she shouldn't have paid to go in in the first place. If she'd thought the place was unsafe for her dc specifically because he has SEN she should be complaining about the discrimination.

Other than that, a proactive refund would have been a 'nice to have' that op didn't get this time. As many people face every day in all kinds of situations with all kind of paid for products or services.

Sorry, but you sound really entitled

This is ridiculous. You should be watching your kids ffs, not be expecting this kind of extra precaution. YABVVU OP!

I’m sorry you had a bad day OP. I have a child with ASD, globe developmental delay and sensory issues. My Dc didn’t cope at all in a soft play areas so we never went. What I’m trying to say is, It’s difficult for businesses to cater for all disabilities and especially ASD as it’s such a huge spectrum. I think you just have to put this down as a place that doesn’t work for your Dc and maybe send a quick email regarding your concerns about the gate and the safety issues. They may appreciate your advice and look at the situation however they can’t address the issues if it’s not been raised.

I think it’s just part of life. My DD is similar, we have spent lots of money on things only to leave or never enter. I see it as the valid reason why discounted tickets for disabled and carers is quite useful really.

Their business works for then I don't think they will change things every time someone offers 'well what you need to do is change your business to my requirements'

It does not sound like soft play is in the answer

I never said that equality act was broken.
I am saying that autism is an actual disability,

It does not sound like soft play is in the answer

The other local soft play is fine. DS just asked to try the new one.

As for the poster saying "supervise your kids" - FFS, what do you think I do for every second of the day (barring school time)?
We've had six weeks where despite some glorious weather I haven't even been able to take him to the park because none of them are enclosed.
Even a trip to the library nearly ended in disaster when he bolted - luckily I know the librarian and got her to hold the baby while I sprinted after him.

He's six and fast and knows where he's going, not a toddler unsteady and unsure.

Sorry you had a bad experience OP, and nothing to stop you emailing the venue to ask for a refund. I don't think you can expect NMW workers to always jump in with the best service, you need to escalate. Interestingly, I can only think of 2 play venues with a double gate near us. The others are inside buildings, so I guess the additional internal space acts as a safety area / additional door to the road. Again, I wouldn't expect on site staff to discuss the issue, you'll get more luck emailing the venue.

One of DS's friends at school, the TA focused on teaching him to tolerate ear defenders, which helped with the background class noise but were also a game changer for him against that sort of irritant noise in play venues, might be worth a chat when he returns to school if you/they haven't tried it.

I never said that equality act was broken.
I am saying that autism is an actual disability

I don't think anyone has said any differently have they?

It might be worth sending feedback to the centre. Not necessarily to get a refund but to flag issues in a positive way which they may not have considered, like security on the door, and make it more SEND friendly.

You’ve said quite a lot you know you’re not entitled to a refund but it would have been a nice good will gesture. If they gave good will gestures to everyone who had to leave quickly after meltdowns/injuries/tantrums etc then they wouldn’t have a business.

YABU because there was nothing wrong with the soft play itself.
Sorry, but it's not their fault.

Just email them, politely explain the circumstances and issues with the door, and ask if they can offer a refund. The worst they can do is refuse and it might be useful feedback for them.

YABVU
I'm staggered at your viewpoint, entitled. Loads of MN'ers have sn dc, and even those that don't may have experienced a child overwhelmed, tantrum, break down. The idea of a refund is laughable. Give your head a wobble. Read this back in a few years and your'll cringe.

To be honest OP I think YABU.

Going to soft play with a baby and a child who needs such significant supervision isn’t a good choice.

Oh OP it does sound like you are having a rough time of it.

With regard to the whole soft play situation, I personally found that I needed to check out new places alone so I could decide first whether they were suitable. And even then, I would do the first trip to a new place either together with another adult and both kids or just with DS alone and leave the baby with someone else.

He was just too unpredictable sometimes that I felt better having another pair of hands to take the baby if needed. (Rather than having to plonk baby in car seat on the ground to go after DS as he bolted off through a car park 😳)

With the refund, I sometimes just write off these sort of costs as unavoidable disability costs (I know it's unfair) but I've also got really good over the years at asking politely and explaining that we've only just come and and have to leave again.
You might get a ticket to return another day or a refund or just an apology - but you have to proactively ask, it won't just be offered. Tbf they might not even remember who came in when so it might not even be obvious.

I hope this doesn't come over as condescending. It's just my experience. And hopefully things as a family will get easier and less overwhelming with time.

It sounds really hard, OP, but I think the last thing you need is a thread on AIBU where many posters will pick at everything you say until you are even more stressed.

Well I guess it would have been nice but like you said you aren't entitled to a refund just because your DS was too overwhelmed.
I get it, I really do as I have an autistic DS and we have had to leave places after paying a fortune because he can't handle it but it's one of the things you have to deal with.
I think a lot of things would have put me off before that though, standing outside to pay and no air lock would probably have been dealt breakers for me anyway.