To think they should have at least offered a refund?

[7thCircleofHell]

NC for this

DS (6) is autistic. Non-verbal but sociable, more bothered by sounds and sensations than volume of people. Biggest issue is his lack of risk awareness and tendency to bolt. (All relevant)

New soft play opened in town. Brilliant - he's getting bored with the old one.

Decide to take him along with his baby sister.

Arrive and they want to take payment through a window to the outside of the building. I explained that I can't let go of DS hand as he would run into the main road, but happy to pay inside.

It turns out that within the play apparatus there is an inflatable section. DS could not tolerate the noise and went to hide under a table very near the front door.
The main doors are locked on a buzzer which is good, but there is no "air lock" type measure once inside.
I was terrified he was going to push past someone coming in and get onto the main road.

I was talking to staff and I made the suggestion that they get one installed as it won't just be an issue for SEN kids, but toddlers too.

Decided to leave with DS after just ten minutes, whereby he had a full blown meltdown (biting and scratching me) and took another ten minutes for another parent to take pity on my and take the baby so I could calm DS enough to get out the door (lovely woman, actually helped me all the way to the car while I bodily carried DS).

So I paid a small fortune for just ten minutes play.

AIBU to think the staff could have (not should have) offered a refund under the circumstances?

It's the kind of thing that earns them so much good will and SEN patently rely so much on recommendations from other SEN parents that it would have been to their advantage in terms of word of mouth in our local community.

I suppose I'm just overwhelmed by the whole event - it's the first major meltdown DS has had since we've had his sister and coping with two of them while it was happening was HARD.

Just needed to vent a little. Thanks

Have you looked for any sensory play centres locally? They tend to me much more suitable than soft play and are designed with children (and adults in many cases) with disabilities in mind.

Sadly there's nothing like that locally.

We don't take him to the ball inflatable park/centre place as we know he hates inflatables but had no reason to suspect a soft play would have an inflatable (and tbh it wasn't immediately visible as it was right at the back of the equipment).

And a place doesn't have to be suitable for my DS for me to recommend it to friends with SEN kids - their needs are different from ours.

I could easily say "DS didn't like X but the equipment was really good and your DD would really like the spinny poles".
Not all ASD kids are runners so the gate isn't a consideration for all of us.

It's not even a deal breaker for us if there isn't something that will cause DS to freak out, like the inflatable.

I had to leave a fun park once because my kid was having a meltdown. She found out she was half an inch too short for a ride she wanted to go on. I had hubby with me who carried her back to the car but I went up to the desk and got a refund. The park was a 45min drive away 🙄

What suits one child with SEN won't work for another child with SEN they aren't all one big group. When a parent has had a bad experience with their own child but the business steps up to help the parent then then the parent will often go online to praise the business and other parents with children with SEN are more likely to give that place a try. There is a cinema near us that gets highly praised on the local asd Facebook pages. Nothing wrong with the other cinemas but in this one the management and staff go the extra mile and it's appreciated. It's the same even with supermarkets and fast food restaurants.

So no I wouldn't expect to be offered a refund however I would give a constructive review from a SEN parents point of view online highlighting the concerns this will then a) provide heads up for other families and b) notifies the company of a possible duty of care failure and a way to increase business revenue

Mine is well over soft play age and I don't recall every going to a proper soft play that did not have a double door/gate system unless just a tiny area in the corner of a cafe, so I would have expected there to be one and am surprised that they aren't fairly standard

By even making this post you did on some level expect a refund

You should have checked the venue for suitability first. Do they not have a website or FB page which lists the equipment and has photos for example?

You now need to go online and review the place so other SEN parents can do their research. So explain the lack of secondary gate, the need to pay outside and what equipment there is. Post it on FB, TripAdvisor, Google, local SEN pages.

Have you tried a special needs harness or wrist strap. Far from ideal but if it allows him to settle and adjust it might be an option. My DD who is ND went through a period of bolting when DD2 turned up. Terrifying as you can't abandon the pram and chase after them. I've never been so petrified.

A couple of days in a harness made the point and she never did it again. I appreciate it is very different with a SEN child though and I don't intend to minimise but sometimes needs must for your peace of mind and his safety.

Have you tried a special needs harness or wrist strap.

No, it's never occurred to me. Why?

That would help free up a hand if needed and gives you an extra layer of protection from running. I used to have rhe harness on my wrist and then also hold his hand so if he broke free from my grip we had the harness as a backup.

Doesn't sound like a place you'd want to recommend to other SEN parents in any capacity tbh.

Of course I do, and there was no nastiness meant in my post whatsoever.

My point was that the facility may not have deemed the double doors/air lock necessary (I think they should have this!) as the expectation is that parents should be watching their child to ensure they don’t just walk out through an open door. That has nothing to do with SEN or anything else, just a general expectation that the children are being supervised by an adult.

That would help free up a hand if needed and gives you an extra layer of protection from running.

You obviously missed the sarcasm.

And in what world would a wrist strap be appropriate at a soft play?

I think the previous poster meant outside, at the payment window... not inside the soft play place.

I'd write to them and suggest the airlock system to improve safety - it seems a sensible thing to have and all (the 3.. huge sample I know) I've been to with smalls have been set up this way, plenty of NT kids will also bolt out of an open door given the chance!

Ask for a refund if you like - based on the fact you couldn't see if it was suitable til you'd gone in, I don't think its unreasonable to ask but I suspect it is unlikely you'd get it.

There is really no need to be rude to people.

Your whole refusal of the idea of outdoor/forest play is that his bolting was an issue. So put him in a harness. How is jolting an issue if you use a harness? So it didn’t sounds as though you use one, which is why that poster suggested it. There is absolutely no need to be so rude in your reply.

Because for some SEN children such restraints are a sensory issue and case meltdowns.

And for the avoidance of doubt for all posters no I'm not talking tantrums, I'm talking meltdowns. Severe, and deregulating.

DS slept for three hours this afternoon after today's meltdown.

I don't think some people understand how ASN works.

A child who has had a fixed idea of what is going to happen - either because they've requested it (eg a trip to the new soft play) or have been prepared for it eg (a doctors appointment) and then has that expectation changed can struggle with it far more than a neurotypical child.

To give you an idea - we have been preparing DS for the next school year since the start of the holidays via a social story - that's six weeks of preparation just to go into a new class (it's a SEN unit and the classes change based on need)

Plenty of people on here have plenty of experience. People may not agree with you expecting a refund but that doesn’t mean they don’t have experience and don’t know how hard it can be. To be honest I’m not sure why you are being so rude to posters who are simply trying to help you.

@Sirzy I think she probably got frustrated with some responses. Though of course many people did offer reasonable suggestions, I feel sometimes in threads like this, the underlying message is someone who is tired and stressed and needs a sympathetic response and not judgement.
@7thCircleofHell I hear you and I understand as someone in a similar situation. Chalk it up to a bad day, and find some way to take care of yourself. Step away from this thread if you need to.

The person on the door probably doesn't have the authority to refund.

Would be much more beneficial to email the centre regarding the issues. Maybe suggest they have special sen sessions where noise equipment is turned off.

No, I don't think they should have offered you a refund tbh.

I mean yes, of course it would have been 'nice' if they did. It would be 'nice' if refunds were offered in all kinds of circumstances. When the ice cream you paid a fiver for is dropped on the floor and wasted. When you go to the cinema and get an urgent call meaning you have to leave after ten minutes and miss the film. When you book a 'no amendment' hotel room but your car breaks down and you can't get there. It would absolutely be great to get a refund when life smacks you in the face.

But any business that wants to stay afloat in the current economy won't be scattering around refunds to be 'nice' and they'd be silly to start any kind of precedent imo.

I've been pretty clear that I'm really just venting.

However this post has riled me slightly. Dropping your ice cream is in no way comparable to a disability as protected in law. 🙄

@ViscountDreams

When the ice cream you paid a fiver for is dropped on the floor and wasted. You had the ice cream in perfect condition in agreement with the sale. You then dropped it. Your own fault.

When you go to the cinema and get an urgent call meaning you have to leave after ten minutes and miss the film. The film is still ticking away in perfect condition in agreement with the sale.

When you book a 'no amendment' hotel room but your car breaks down and you can't get there. The hotel room is still sat there in perfect condition in agreement with the sale.

All of the above don't compare to going to a play area with a SEN child and finding that basic security standards haven't been met meaning you need to leave for their own safety.

I have an SEN child (ASD) and I have to admit I also didn't understand your OP. I wasn't clear on at what point you would have expected/hoped for a refund. You didn't ask for one, and I can't imagine a staff member would have come to offer you one while your child was melting down etc. If it's that important to you, why don't you just give them a call?

Yes this. We have a large soft play frame where I work and I occasionally have parents tell me they are not sure if their kid will cope. In which case I let tbem in and tell tbem to pay once they are sure they are going to stay for a reasonable time.

I would email the manager and ask for a refund. I don't think I they'd mind.