Sister is having fals3 memories...

[ALittleAlarmed]

...to be worried.

I mentioned to my sister about something that I did last week. She elaborated on this with a whole story, "oh yes, when you told me, I mentioned it to another relative, and I think she went there deliberately to try to bump into you..." The only thing is, I never told her I was even going there! We hadn't chatted for a couple of weeks. Sister's dp was sitting there, I got a bit of a shock, and I didn't say anything.

When I am thinking back, I feel some of the things she has said in the past have been a little distorted, saying in conversation "oh when you said you liked this...", and I have replied saying, "that wasn't me", and she has gotten surprised, stating that she was absolutely sure I had. In the past she has gotten very easily offended, petty even, thinking she has sent cards when she hasn't, annoyed with me etc. I am now thinking has her behaviour been this way, because she has a distorted version of events.

I have thought in the past it was just slip ups, which everyone makes occasionally. Only, it felt like a piece of a jigsaw this time; it was a full false memory.

Can this all be attributed to stress, or tiredness? It is concerning me because my friend who has epilepsy, and is on strong medication doesn't do any of this. My sister does suffer from depression, and is possibly on medication for this. She says she isn't a great sleeper as well, often waking early in the morning.

Dsis works fulltime, is intelligent, has her brain challenged regularly, and keeps busy. She is 40.

Is all of this normal? I'm now beginning to question her version of events, and recollection when she tells me things.

I don't really know what to do, if anything. Do I mention this to dm, her dp, to see if they have noticed anything. I wouldn't want to go behind her back. If I mention it to her, she may get upset, and offended.

Does anybody have experience of this?

It sounds complicated. Does it happen in front of your partner?
You mentioned she said something in front of her own partner- could you ask him if he shares your concern?

@graceinspace999 my husband wasn't in the room at the time for the false memory, but does recall the distorted memories in the past. The sending cards thing alarmed him as well. We thought she was telling lies at the time, but I am now beginning to think that this wasn't the case.

It does sounds as if she gets confused easily - I've seen people getting muddled like this from long Covid, so tiredness could completely be to blame for confusion.

Could you have told your mum or someone else you have in common, who then told her. Maybe she tries to hide gossiping behind your back by claiming you told her directly?

Hi, no i told nobody, it was literally a last minute on the day decision to go there.

She isn't over worked, gets 3 days off a week, plenty rest etc. She lives with her partner. It just seemed a little extreme, and I was taken back a bit.

My mum swears blind I fainted while giving blood - even though I have never fainted while giving blood and it was actually my niece who did.

Every time, no that wasn't me, yes it was, no it wasn't I would have remembered.

Got to the point I actually checked with DH

Could someone else have told your sister you were going to this place and it’s only that she’s mixed up who the conversation was with? I feel like that’s a common thing to mix up.

Otherwise my experiences are only people remembering things differently in a fairly easy to interpret way, like claiming they were the one who made a funny comment which got a big laugh, or saved the day somehow, when it was actually someone else (I can’t see why your sister would be making herself the hero in the example you’ve given but understandably you’ve been vague on the details)

That seems a more understandable mistake, your DM would have gotten a shock, which could have understandably affected her memory.

Sorry just saw you said no one else could have told her

I just put it down to people remembering things differently

Nobody did. As I said above, I told nobody. I decided on the day when I was literally passing the place. No she wasn't making herself a "hero" whatsoever. It was a normal run of the mill chat. We had a nice afternoon together.

It could be her depression and/or medication. Depending on how her depression affects her, lifestyle can be a factor. She'll be hitting peri soon, so might be even worse. Are you close enough to speak to her about brain health and what's going on?
My DD has false memories, but that's influenced by her ADHD and controlling tendancies.

That is interesting that you mention that. Dsis does have OCD, and a fussiness about things, which our family, and dsis herself will laugh about.
It just seemed out of the ordinary, more than getting a little mixed up if that makes sense. Maybe it is medication, coupled with tiredness, and MH. We can talk about meds etc, but she is very deep, and I don't want to tell her about it all. I wouldn't want dsis to fall out with me.

All you can do with someone like this is keep them on a very strict "information diet".

Tell them NOTHING of consequence regarding your life, family, job, children.

Unfortunately I believe it to be a type of mental condition, a false reality that can be very damaging to have in your life.

If it was a bit of harmless confusion it is one thing, but when it is someone who is prone to retelling, quoting you, it is dangerous and can cause damage.

I have had someone like that in my family for years and when I cottoned on to it, any time I heard anything that she said from her directly or indirectly I would ask was that "Hilary news?".....versus the truth and actual truth. It landed.

I would be quite worried, it sounds like the confabulation I see in relatives who have dementia but I would imagine other conditions might cause it too. Essentially embroidering on facts or filling in the total voids in her memory with things that seem credible. It is perfectly likely that she does not even know she is doing this.
That or she is creating genuinely false memories which is also a worry.
Sorry, OP, I'm aware I'm not being very optimistic, and hopefully it's nothing, but I would be trying to get this investigated if I could.

this doesn't sound like the same scenario at all.

It could be perfectly innocent and for any of the reasons given here, but I've come to realise that some people do this sort of thing on purpose, as way of manipulating people or situations. Your saying how she has gotten offended and upset about being challenged rings alarm bells for me.

I have known at least one person who, when challenged clearly and consistently on it, providing evidence of what actually happened and refusing to back down, promptly stopped doing it. Which meant they must on some level have known they were doing it.

I don't think this is the same thing at all.

Thank you so much for your reply. Exactly, and I genuinely don't believe she is doing this on purpose. We are on good terms, and it wasn't a false memory to cause trouble iyswim. One of our parents who died, had vasular dementia, but this was in later life, and I have read that this isn't genetic? Wouldn't she be too young?
I am a very intuitive person, and when it happened I felt a deep pang in my stomach. It felt wrong.

I would share your concerns with your mother and both of you start keeping a dated record of examples.
If after a month or two this seems to be a significant pattern, it would be worth raising your concern with your sister and suggest she visits the GP. Do it when her partner is present, so she feels she has somebody in her corner and hopefully won’t get too upset. He may have noticed similar issues and might support the idea of getting it checked out.

but every time she argues with me to the point of complete exasperation.

You'd think she would realise that we have had this conversation many many times

Op, is your sister a snorer? What sort of Siri issues does she have?

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea last year after a life time of snoring and all my life I've been a really vivid dreamer, would often get confused with dreams and real life as a lot of my dreams were just incredibly vivid but boring mundane stuff. I got into trouble multiple times for thinking dream stuff was real and asking people this that they clearly had no idea about . I got diagnosed with OSA and honestly since starting the cpap treatment my recollections of real life events is SO much better in a daily basis. My dreams are more like what everybody typically dreams now, ie, they fade quickly and I don't remember most of them. This isn't common with people with sleep apnea, as you never fully go into a deep sleep. It could be worth asking her about her sleep issues? If her brain is constantly trying to wake her up as she is having pauses in her breathing this could explain a lot and it's not always linked to snoring. Obstructive sleep apnea is linked to snoring but central sleep apnea is not.

Yes in the past she seemed to exaggerate situations, easily offended. We have always put it down to her being a little petty. However, she has been deeply hurt by the injustices she has believed that have happened. She has had differing, slightly distorted recollections in the past, but this seems to have worsened. Sometimes Dsis's memory is good, and she is kind, and has a good heart. I don't believe it to be manipulation. I really do not know what is going on here.

@WitchyBits thank you for your post, and so sorry about your sleep apnea. That must be tough.
My sister doesn't have it, her partner does though, and even he hasn't been this way. It has only recently been treated as well.

could be the way her brain works. In jumps instead linear consequence....we are still nowhere as science knowing much

This is the OP's sister, that she's worried about. It doesn't sound remotely similar to your Hillary - cutting the sister out is not the answer