Sister is having fals3 memories...

[ALittleAlarmed]

...to be worried.

I mentioned to my sister about something that I did last week. She elaborated on this with a whole story, "oh yes, when you told me, I mentioned it to another relative, and I think she went there deliberately to try to bump into you..." The only thing is, I never told her I was even going there! We hadn't chatted for a couple of weeks. Sister's dp was sitting there, I got a bit of a shock, and I didn't say anything.

When I am thinking back, I feel some of the things she has said in the past have been a little distorted, saying in conversation "oh when you said you liked this...", and I have replied saying, "that wasn't me", and she has gotten surprised, stating that she was absolutely sure I had. In the past she has gotten very easily offended, petty even, thinking she has sent cards when she hasn't, annoyed with me etc. I am now thinking has her behaviour been this way, because she has a distorted version of events.

I have thought in the past it was just slip ups, which everyone makes occasionally. Only, it felt like a piece of a jigsaw this time; it was a full false memory.

Can this all be attributed to stress, or tiredness? It is concerning me because my friend who has epilepsy, and is on strong medication doesn't do any of this. My sister does suffer from depression, and is possibly on medication for this. She says she isn't a great sleeper as well, often waking early in the morning.

Dsis works fulltime, is intelligent, has her brain challenged regularly, and keeps busy. She is 40.

Is all of this normal? I'm now beginning to question her version of events, and recollection when she tells me things.

I don't really know what to do, if anything. Do I mention this to dm, her dp, to see if they have noticed anything. I wouldn't want to go behind her back. If I mention it to her, she may get upset, and offended.

Does anybody have experience of this?

@ALittleAlarmed Thank you for posting this. I'm following as similar in immediate family, and I've been at a loss why and possible ways forward - I have some now.

Lack of sleep can cause this so can stress. My youngest was not a great sleeper for years - Talking maybe an hour or 3 every night up till the age of 5 and I swear I thought I had a stroke. I couldn't recall things properly or felt something happened when it didn't and forgot words like car, and house. etc ... I'm still not 100% and it's honestly awful. The worst of it is it doesn't show up in scans and stuff, you can't get medication for it and can allegedly (according to my doctor) lead to strokes and dementia when older .. yay fun! Not that I'm trying to say this will happen to your sister but you're obviously concerned.

Could you talk to her and explain that you are concerned and give her examples?

Oh goodness, you are welcome. It is worrying isn't it. I hope your relative is okay.
Dsis is an overthinker as another poster mentioned. I wonder if this, together with depression/lack of sleep, OCD, is causing this. Dh thinks Dsis has some narcassistic tendencies as well, and that this is possibly learnt behaviour, which she is oblivious to.
She doesn't seem to pick up correctly on situations at times. For example we had a very ill relative in hospital, who had declined to the point it was very distressing to be there. Dsis told everybody that our relative wasn't much different to normal. I felt like I was going crazy, justifying just how ill my poor relative was. The person died afew weeks later.

She truly believes what she says to the core. Maybe there is a few things going on.

I have ADHD too, only recently diagnosed with autism

My daughter has a lot of support around her and all the proffesionals say that the sort of behaviour that my DD is very common with ADHD and autism as their perception of things is so different to everyone elses

"Lying", adamant things have happened when they havnt ect, different memory to other people, all really common signs

My sister has a tendency to this.

In her case I think it's because she doesn't care enough to listen.

She'll hear something then add other stuff to make it more interesting in the telling.

Or that it then involves her of she "just knew" that a certain thing would happen.

She rarely admits she is wrong so would swear to sending cards even if she hadn't.

I know someone who is a bit like this, she tells stories about other people’s business so often she thinks she was there. Because she wasn’t actually there she has a tendency to fill in the details from her imagination or to make the story more interesting (/sometimes taking elements from several stories and creating a new one). She eventually seems to believe herself and it becomes a false memory. It seems to be a combination of loneliness and a massive need for attention. It’s certainly annoying!

Thank you. My sister doesn't have any of the common ADHD symptoms. I'm unsure about autism, nothing too noticeable. She has defi11nate OCD, depression, but then loves social events, so I just don't understand it really

It is interesting you say this. She does tell stories about people she knows. Actually, some of them can seem a little exaggerated, although I wasn't there so it is impossible to tell.

Ooh yes, that's my sister also-retelling something but from her pov & as if she was there!

All these example are making me wonder about alternate realities, like The Devils Hour!

I am having this with my brother. It started a few years ago when he told me that he used to do all the washing up when we lived at home. Problem is he never lifted a finger and my mum was very particular about how the washing up was done and wouldn’t have allowed him (it’s something that she passed on to me, which means no one else helps me wash up). He also said that he used to help my parents decorate the house. My other brother is a painter and decorater, and used to do it. There have been many instances of these false memories and the rest of us laugh them off but I’m wondering now if we should be more concerned about him.

My sister does this and she has adhd/autism. She has a lot of false memories

MIL and DH can be very like this - I think it's poor episodic memory - they literally don't remember stuff - and then some brain making up gaps - self aggrandisement and story telling ie adding details to be a better anecdote and later forgetting they've done it (FIL does that with his main stories but generally isn't like this).

MIL and her brother - my DC great Uncle both have issue with just saying I don't know - and bull shitting answers - use to annoy me when kids were little and being told incorrect facts but they'd insist they were right till you got proof.

It can be annoying - you can look petty correcting but if you don't it can bite you in the arse later.

DH got fact checked on one of my families stories - always a % bullshit - he also made a lot more up apparently unaware- got fact checked and then blamed me - and started fact checking my every utterance - to point he wrote in to a magazine to fact check a random fact I'd said in passing - saw an entire page of people saying yes your wife is correct and here's why. That really upset me for a long time.

I think also stories/narratives can develop in groups - DD1 spent more time with IL this year than us they're near her Uni - and came back and said something to her siblings that suggested I cared about what she wore - they were amused and wtf are you on about Mun doesn't care -seems MIL - who used to buy entre outfits for the kids and try and insist they only got wore together as she planned - which we ignored got overruled by FIL and DD about clothes they bought her pre ripped clothes etc which MIL hates - and suddenly the story was it was me with the issue.

Is she not just making up stuff for something to say and then trying to cover for herself? Some people are just compulsive bullshitters. That seems more likely.

No, she isn't a CB.

Ooh yes, that's my sister also-retelling something but from her pov & as if she was there!

MIL and DH do that as well - but if it's recent on questioning it does come out they weren't there - over time and retelling that goes and they really seem to think they were there.

Though even when they are there the stories can be so far from reality you don't recognise event. I was with MIL in crowded London pub when handbags kept getting pulled back in crowd- she laughed at me clutching mine to front- next place we find her bag had money taken. Few year later up at IL she telling story and it's so dramatic - turned to FIL with some comment - and he say you were there - it took ages to work out it was that event so little was what I remembered.

Thanks, not convinced it is this.

I'm going to come out with my favourite line - I think I've used this about 20 times now - but my son who is Neurodivergent Autistic/ADHD does this.

He is not an intentional liar. He's incredibly truthful and seeks truth. But there is often distortion on how something played out, for example oh when you told me x,y,z mum. I'm like no I didn't say that, what happened was x,y,z. I see he really does remember it being said and isn't lying.

My son might also say he just replied to my question when he didn't even speak. In his mind he answered me and thought he had verbalised it when he hadn't.

I would say something to her partner and then also to her, especially if he agrees. Probably nothing, but there are some brain illnesses/problems that can do this so, depending on the partner's/her response, it would be worth a trip to the doctor.

My mum always did this. It was so annoying. You tell her something that happened and she'd misremeber it and add to it that she was there and how funny it was. It was annoying rather than anything else.

One such example being - we got on a plane as teens. We weren't frequent flyers and hadn't flown since early childhood.

When we're seated and not even left the terminal yet, my sister says - oh you can't open the window. I gave her a withering look and said do you want to die? Then explained why you can't open plane windows. We were still on the ground and Mum didn't hear any of this.

I told her about it after the holiday. That sister asked if the windows open. Mum thought it was hilarious.

Later on Mum told the story as follows :

Remember when we were flying and over the mountains mid flight your sister said - it's stuffy in here can you open the window and we had to tell her why?! Then collapses laughing - so funny she wanted the windows open mid flight over the mountains.

No matter how many times I told her that is not what happened and that she didn't even hear it and we were in the ground...she insisted I was wrong. She was only 50s at the time.

She did it with many things. So many other stories she took as her own, embellished and swore she remembered what never happened.

I don't know what it is.

This is the sort of thing I meant @ALittleAlarmed - maybe the language in my post was too strong, but I meant this sort of adopting stuff as truth. It's very common.

Thank you @LostittoBostik I think there may be alittle more to it with Dsis than getting mixed up etc. I have met many people like that, and this isn't that.

She isnt ND. I am worried, and i'm suspecting some sort of MH psychologal illness; I hope i'm wrong.

DS adds details that never happened, as often to his detriment as his advantage. He has autism and fairly severe OCD, and I think the churning trapped thoughts produce their own 'reality'. For instance, when he came off the road in his crappy old car, he told us he was speeding and should have known better, really berated himself for it -- but his black box said he was doing 25 mph.

I suspect I do it too when stressed or sleep deprived. I'd be a shit witness in court.

I’ve known two people who did this often enough for it to be noticeable. First was one of my parents. The misremembering or exaggeration of actual events seemed to be about control or simply embarrassing whoever they were speaking about. They did go on to develop early onset Alzheimer’s.

Second was my ex. Has autistic traits and would argue the sky is green and grass is purple if that’s what he’s convinced himself is true. I have told him things and he’d reiterate them to me but with certain details changed - ‘yeah that time your friend deliberately pushed you into the road’ ‘no, that didn’t happen, my friend fell whilst we were out walking??’. Then every time that friend was mentioned he said ‘oh the one that pushed you into the road?’. It was bizarre and made me question my own memory of things (considering the first example I gave was the last thing I needed).

Oh no, I am really sorry about your parent. That must be tough.

I have also noticed dsis is a little inappropriate at times. For example, when a close relative had just died she acted like nothing had happened, even sent a whatsapp joke with a picture of a halloween skeleton not many days after; it was a bit strange. She has since sent a picture of that persons grave to another relative who is dying. The person had asked previously as she wanted to visit, but this doesn't sit well with me. When a relative was in hospital with a weak swallowing reflex, dsis brought claggy foods in that would be difficult to swallow. She doesn't pick up when people are unwell, and just seems to minimise. I wonder if it is a form of denial, trying to act like everything is normal, because cannot face up to reality? She is caring, would do anything for you, it is not malicious. I know she had offended people at work, and recently fell out with a friend after speaking before she thought. She told me later that she shouldn't have made the comment, and is doing her best to be more tactful.