Sister is having fals3 memories...

[ALittleAlarmed]

...to be worried.

I mentioned to my sister about something that I did last week. She elaborated on this with a whole story, "oh yes, when you told me, I mentioned it to another relative, and I think she went there deliberately to try to bump into you..." The only thing is, I never told her I was even going there! We hadn't chatted for a couple of weeks. Sister's dp was sitting there, I got a bit of a shock, and I didn't say anything.

When I am thinking back, I feel some of the things she has said in the past have been a little distorted, saying in conversation "oh when you said you liked this...", and I have replied saying, "that wasn't me", and she has gotten surprised, stating that she was absolutely sure I had. In the past she has gotten very easily offended, petty even, thinking she has sent cards when she hasn't, annoyed with me etc. I am now thinking has her behaviour been this way, because she has a distorted version of events.

I have thought in the past it was just slip ups, which everyone makes occasionally. Only, it felt like a piece of a jigsaw this time; it was a full false memory.

Can this all be attributed to stress, or tiredness? It is concerning me because my friend who has epilepsy, and is on strong medication doesn't do any of this. My sister does suffer from depression, and is possibly on medication for this. She says she isn't a great sleeper as well, often waking early in the morning.

Dsis works fulltime, is intelligent, has her brain challenged regularly, and keeps busy. She is 40.

Is all of this normal? I'm now beginning to question her version of events, and recollection when she tells me things.

I don't really know what to do, if anything. Do I mention this to dm, her dp, to see if they have noticed anything. I wouldn't want to go behind her back. If I mention it to her, she may get upset, and offended.

Does anybody have experience of this?

When we're seated and not even left the terminal yet, my sister says - oh you can't open the window. I gave her a withering look and said do you want to die? Then explained why you can't open plane windows. We were still on the ground and Mum didn't hear any of this.

I told her about it after the holiday. That sister asked if the windows open. Mum thought it was hilarious.

When I read that though, it doesn't read to me as if your sister actually asked if the windows opened.

I mean tbh that's the sort of stupid thing I might say without thinking!

Dhs mum is similar to this.

She often rewrite stories to fit her preferred version of events. The scary thing is, she really seems to believe what she is saying.

She rewrites dh & his 2 siblings childhood, usually to make herself come across better.
Seemingly mundane things like ‘I always cooked for you kids’
Dh and his siblings have all privately said this is far from the truth, they’d regularly go to their nans most nights as it was the only way they’d get their tea or she’d send them to the corner shop to get their own because she ‘didn’t want to mess up her kitchen’ according to dhs older brother.

She’s been like this for years & years, so it’s not a recent thing or solely age related.

I can understand rewriting past events, as my dm does the same thing. I believe this to be quite common. Memories can distort when it is long in the past I suppose.

Yes, I can see how it’s easy to do when it’s a memory from a long time ago. I think some of it is self preservation too. Rose tinted glasses maybe.

Mil often changes/adds details to stories or things that have happened recently too. She is adamant it happened that way.

Strangely I was there and that is what she meant- she wanted to open it.

I had a similar worry about a family member..have no update so not helpful.
She is Late 40s and would talk about something happening a.couple of weeks ago and it would have happened 2 years ago...or talking about something from 2 years ago that actually happened a week or so ago
And yet she'd argue she was right when everyone else knew she wasn't.
If.it was happening to me I'd be a bit worried I think

It’s a known psychological condition that people confabulate when they dissociate, dissociation is associated with quite a good number of both personality disorders (borderline, narcissism etc) and mental disorders (bipolar, schizophrenia etc) Does she have any other symptoms? A mild OCD and depression could often be a symptom of PTSD that comes with dissociation. Has there been anything in here life could have caused her to have symptoms of PTSD?

I sometimes also wonder was this real or was it in a dream and am a light sleeper, have insomnia and tired in the mornings. That sounds interesting, I hadn't known that about sleep apnea, so worth getting it checked out. As effects sleep quality and memory/memories.

Memory is very fallible and it is not uncommon for people to remember things differently - last time this came up I quoted a researcher which upset some people so wont go there, but it is fairly well established in psychology that memory is not massively reliable. Why do people misremember? Could be tiredness, stress or being preoccupied. Or it could be that she has main character syndrome and has to relate everything to herself. Or she could be a fantasist - my mother was like this and my sister is very similar - will take things on and claim she did them, even when you do. If it is the last 2 though, it is probably obvious in other ways.

It’s a known psychological condition that people confabulate when they dissociate, dissociation is associated with quite a good number of both personality disorders (borderline, narcissism etc) and mental disorders (bipolar, schizophrenia etc)

It is also well established that dissociation is almost universal, and that tiredness and stress can also be a cause so you may see it in people who are otherwise mentally healthy.

My MIL invented an entire scenario that included a marriage falling apart, desperate bids to fix it and a trip abroad...none of which happened. She was so invested though and spoke of it all like it was fact.

DH and I were pretty alarmed so now we're just keeping an eye on her mental health and behaviour and looking out for anything that seems abnormal.
There's not been anything since but if it happens again, we'll speak to her and then the next point of call is the dr.

I am nearly 50 and have recently been diagnosed with Autism/Adhd. I'm a Huge 'masker', everyone always thought I loved social events, was always popular, but didn't have any really close friends. I have ocd tendencies, and when I'm tired and over think things, my brain convinces me that I've done them/said/seen things....eg sending thank you cards/Christmas cards etc, I've thought about it, even down to what I want to say, my brain then convinces me that I have actually done this, then between the autistic fear of "argh what will happen' when it is pointed out I haven't and the fear of being wrong, the fear that everyone will hate me/leave me etc for 'lying' more stories come spilling out. It's awful, it's like you have no control over what you are perceiving as real. Anyway, my family now understand where some of the stories I've told over the years have come from and are a lot more understanding, and it now just gets laughed about.

Is it possible your sister could be neurodiverse? Combine that with depression, lack of sleep and perimenopause and it's a toxic combination.... sending love ❤️

Sounds like ADD and a side effect of her medication plus the depression - It can severely effect memory. I've sworn I've done something and become upset when challenged, but it turns out I did indeed forget to do something. I had thought about doing the task so much, that I thought I had done it. I have ADD and a few other mental health conditions.

Just be patient with her.

This type of confusion and distorted thinking/speech can be a symptom of psychosis as well. Some people with depression can develop psychosis.