Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

That has been mentioned a few times. It's becoming the "cancel the cheque" of this thread (I did it a few pages ago)

If only OP had apologised 24 hours ago we could all move on. Oh wait...

Not commonly used on this site. Always needs to be corrected, it’s not nice for working parents to read that. And no, I didn’t read all 28 pages of the thread before commenting, did you? Or did you just read my last post to make your snarky comment?

I've followed the whole thread, yes and read all the OP's posts - to ensure what I am saying is actually relevant.

If you want to have a dig, might be an idea to read the OP's posts first and then you'd see she had apologised quite some time back.

Presumably you told SIL your DC were in clubs? And I’m guessing yours actually want to go and have some fun? So was she expecting you to cancel this so hers had someone to play with?

Or alternatively let your DC carry on, while you look after hers, then not actually be able to pick up your own DC because you don’t have a car big enough to get them and avoid leaving hers home alone?

Has she actually thought this through?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Are you the SIL??? 🤔🤭

Sorry I couldn’t help it

She couldn't possibly be the SIL ... the OP's SIl has never looked after the OP's children. Ever.

I used to have this, i worked term time so i could have my children during the holiday’s. My sister expected i would have her very badly behaved children too a couple of days every week
I used to find looking after my own plus my sisters exhausting and dreaded it. It so spoilt the time i was spending with my own children. One day id had enough and said no.
caused a huge rift for a while (everyone except DH thought i was in the wrong) but i stuck to my guns.
Do the same op and dont be bullied into it.

Why do posters keep picking faultnwith what others have written

@ItsVeryHyacinthBucket if you can’t be bothered to read the thread, at least read the OP’s updates. Bottom right hand corner <see pic> You can’t comment on a 28 page thread if you haven’t at least done that 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's time to find your anger. You only think there's a respectful relationship because you've never said no before! You can see how 'respectful' it is now you've stopped accommodating their childcare demands - they've tried to stomp all over you today, getting fil involved and your bil attempting to get your husband to reel you back in, like he's your boss and allowed to direct your time! That would absolutely give me the rage and I think you shouldn't just allow that to pass.

Poor form to use phrasing that could be seen as judgemental of other mothers.

Poor form not to at least read the OP's updates before posting.

OP acknowledged the "ft mum" issue last night, raising it again and again is completely unnecessary.

Not commonly used on this site.
It is. I see it every day.

Always needs to be corrected, it’s not nice for working parents to read that.

Eh ?
I've WOTH all my life, but am in no way offended to know that others make different choices. I am not offended by the term. I know full well what the OP meant even if it weren't a term I would use myself. It doesn't "need to be corrected" at all. Not least by someone who hasn't even read the thread, or even bothered to read the OP's posts to keep up with the thread.

And no, I didn’t read all 28 pages of the thread before commenting, did you?

Yes, I have, as it happens, I have too, like lots of posters do. But, when I don't have the time to read everything on a long thread, I do read the OP's posts, so that I can see any updates, and not make comments on something that was typed in the OP and was then apologised for.

But all parents are working aren’t they?Don’t you mean “working outside the home” parents? I mean after all it’s not nice for those of us who are “SAHM” to read something that, if one squints hard enough and makes someone else’s description of their own occupation all about oneself, might imply looking after children isn’t work…..

It’s really out of line for the BIL to go to your husband after you said no. Like he was your supervisor or something! I don’t think it was cheeky for them to ask as some posters have said, but you are under absolutely no obligation to say yes.

Their childcare is their responsibility. Why didn’t they plan ahead and get their kids into holiday clubs? Expecting you to do most of it and at short notice is v cheeky.

It was 100 percent cheeky for them to ask! Come on!!

Awww,that’s so sweet.

You could drop off your kids to SIL and BIL, they could have them whole weekend so the cousins would get a proper chance of catch up.Tell them your kids are bouncing with excitement about the sleepover you promised them at cousins place.

Seriously? Your SIL and BIL are CF’s and manipulators.

Stand your ground

Who cares about the terminology? Reactions to it usually reveal more about something in the person who reacts to it. Read over it. Don't like full time mum and you work? Ignore it and feel assured that you are a mum 24/7 even if you're not physically there all the time. Don't like SAHM because you don't stay at home all that much? Ignore it and be happy with your own choices. Don't like being told you don't work as a SAHM? Well, you don't get paid but you know you are working all day long. Feel confident and don't let it get under your skin. These terms aren't really loaded unless you give them that power. A suggestion anyway.

As a working Mum with family in law who don't work or have young DC we have never or would ask. (Lot to do with trusting supervision and to be dropped off at 7am whenthey sleep into the afternoon etc). Nursery, no other help as my family work. As they get older it's easier when one wfh. Xxx

The problem with saying you have plans is that next week they will try again. I know you don’t want a falling out but I think the damage is already done they have run to your DH and IL’s as if they are your boss/ mummy therefore they don’t respect you, your time so I would be saying no not even one day and they need to organise clubs for the rest of the holidays as you are not their holiday childminder

They are CF who went on holiday for a month without a care as they just assumed they could bully you to take their kids for free during the holidays- no way would I want six kids to care for multiple times a week

FFS, bore off.

How about full time person? Then everyone is happy. Oh wait, what covers the rest of the part of part time person? Telling people to bore off because they’re affronted is an interesting take too, next time I insult or offend someone, I’ll see where that gets me. The level of disrespect on this thread is the standard I suppose. Yawn.

OP detailed her own thread I’m afraid but pile on, I quite frankly don’t give a shit.

Everyone knows 'full time mum' isn't a dig at working outside the home mums and just means physically doing childcare ft. Choosing to take such offence at this, that they aggressively pile into a poster who meant no insult, just makes said poster a chippy dick who needs to examine their own life choices. Feeling that riled isn't normal.
How another person chooses to describe their own life is really their own business and no one has a right to police their language.