If you were about to be poor, what would you spend your money on now?

[TargetPractice11]

To make life easier when your income drops?

We have some savings that can be spent on things that will save money in the long run get term.

I've just bought a slow cooker, for example. And I'm thinking about getting our windows upgraded to save on bills.

Stow it all under beds if necessary. Do BOGO sales.

A heated drying rack might work better, along with an extra spin cycle every time you wash.

Try leaving clothes longer between washes too.

Unplug or switch off at plug all appliances when not in use. A pita but can save £.

Check age and energy efficiency of your fridge.

How long until you can potty train?

I'm sorry he's treating you like this and I'm not surprised you're angry!
I think I'd give him an ultimatum Sort himself out or show him the door
I'm furious on your behalf that he thinks it's ok for you to get a second job.. with a small baby

Yes to that.

OP, tell your H the family doesn't have the luxury of choice, and you need to see his plan for getting back into full-time gainful employment so you don't end up exhausted.

I gave my money saving tips upthread, but they're a drop in the ocean when he won't face facts

THIS.

Give yourself a shake, OP.
When I raise it, he acts like I am hassling him and being hysterical. "We've already talked about this" etc.
Your best investment here is a solicitor.

Tell him you're taking legal advice for yourself.
He needs to understand that there are consequences for his choices.

I don’t understand this. Has he invested in the business (ie bought shares in a limited company) and that business has collapsed reducing the value of his shares to zero? That’s not the case because it’s still trading if it has employees etc.

You may not want to lay his cards on the table on the thread but you should go alone to see a solicitor and tell him what you know. They will tell you what is recoverable.
In a crisis a family should come together but your man-child is in denial.

You will go from anger to some kind of separation. I don’t mean that you leave but you will start not speaking to him and seeing to yourself. I hope you do anyway.
You will burn out doing two jobs with two little children to care for also in a month. You can’t sustain that. I think your effort is amazing, superhuman, incredible. Well done!
You are a strong person but at the moment you are running around like a headless chicken.
Please go to a solicitor on your own. You need professional advice on the lost money, your rights if you separate etc. You need someone in your corner and probably a good cry xxxx

I was in a similar position myself. I know how it feels. Just in case you think it’s easy for me to say.
Sending you a huge hug xxx

Are you absolutely sure this is what happened?

Or has he been fired for gross misconduct/ incompetence, or something of the sort?

I ask because my exH claimed he had resigned from a job he had, but in fact he had been fired. I only found out years later.

I would buy things like Tesco and Amazon vouchers and put aside for food and presents. If children are at school I would put a good amount on to parent pay (or whatever method used) to help towards school trip/after school clubs etc.

I think the thread has moved in bit since the opening post.

You have larger problems than your finances my love. I would invest in a solicitor personally!

I do hope you are OK OP. You'll come through this x

I am glad you have found your anger.

TBH you're asking for money saving tips or worthwhile spends yet unless you have complete financial transparency it's all a bit pointless.

You need to get through to your DH the seriousness of this situation. Is there anyone else that could help you get through to him? A relative or friend?

You have a second job and he is just part time - when is he going to get any job that makes his hours up to full time to ease the pressure on you?

How are you this morning @TargetPractice11?

I've read more of this and the stand outs are:

"He says it's too hard because he knows all the owners personally and the company doesn't have the money so they might lose their houses etc. "

And also him having his head in the sand on spending and what your mortgage is.

OP, forget about luxuries.

On the first point above, so what if they lose their houses, you are a creditor and are due that money back. Take legal advice on it and if necessary go to court/ get a court order for payment / bailiffs if necessary.

The second point is a major husband problem and this, more than anything, needs addressing. Get angrier with him and force the issue, this attitude and his unwillingness to see the real picture is relationship ending territory.

Does he want his family to struggle and suffer?

And why the hell is he not stepping up to get a better full time job or work more hours?

If you have to, sell and move. In the long run the financial pressures will build up too much and tour health will suffer. Don't let it get that far.

This is a really life changing moment, sorry.

Just processing everything and trying to stay calm.

The more I look into the numbers the more frustrated I am.

And the more I do to fix it, the more frustrated I am that he isn't doing the same.

Economising around the home and our lives is another mental load I could do without.

There are two nurseries near us, and now I am pretty sure we can't afford one of them. The other one is impossible to get into. But it will be me figuring all that out and trying to make it work somehow,

I'm not sure how you're coping if I'm honest. Well I suppose you're coping because you have to?

Does LO need Nursery? Won't DH be doing the majority of Childcare now he's only working PT?

Is there any one that can take the kids for an hour and sit your partner down. No if buts and maybes, now we are going through everything. Be strong and tell him it's time to pull his head out of sand and engage with you like a grown up to find a route out of this mess.

You can't do this on your own and you shouldn't have to either. .

This is a good idea. I always find that we talk better if we're out of the house either in the car or somewhere public.

What's your "D"H up to this morning? If he's not working is he looking for work or doing something like Amazon Flex or Uber/Ubereats?

@TargetPractice11 I really don't think you can fix this by yourself. You are going to burn out and develop health problems. I have been there and I wasn't even doing two jobs. Your body can only take so much.

I appreciate your DH is showing an advanced degree of performative helplessness but you can't just suck it all up.

I am not sure if this would work and I don't normally suggest it but could you split your finances? You yourself could pay for things that could fester and cause problems like mortgage and bills and he could pay for things that will be really obvious really quickly if he doesn't do it like food, days out and kids clothes.

I also think you may need to think again about downsizing or moving area if you can't make the numbers add up. Very upsetting I know but I don't think your current situation is sustainable.

You could also consider if you want to break up with him. My reason for saying this is I can't believe he's perfectly happy to faff around doing part time work while you run yourself ragged on two jobs and he is not even trying to contribute to solving the problem. It seems like he thinks it's your job to fix everything. Not a good look for a life partner.

Also how old are your kids? Could you push ahead with potty training to reduce the nappy issue?

How long do you need to bridge nursery fees before they are all in school? (Maybe you should just put aside any spare money and gradually spend it down over the nursery period).