If you were about to be poor, what would you spend your money on now?

[TargetPractice11]

To make life easier when your income drops?

We have some savings that can be spent on things that will save money in the long run get term.

I've just bought a slow cooker, for example. And I'm thinking about getting our windows upgraded to save on bills.

How are you doing now @TargetPractice11? Had the enormity of what DH had done sunk in yet?

Is he anymore willing to face up to sorting any of this out?

I'm feeling angrier. I've been doing training for my second job this week and I'm just feeling really stressed and resentful. Meanwhile DH still buying takeaway coffee etc. I tried to talk to DH about it but he's like a brick wall. Just got arsey with me and started talking down to me like I just don't understand.

I understand fine. I don't think someone who has lost a the better part of a year in income has any right to talk to me like I'M the idiot.

I'm stressed and not sleeping well.

Anger is good. He deserves for you to be angry with him.

This is true, as he's refusing to own what he's got the family into and leaving his wife to dig them out because he's afraid of upsetting his former bosses by formally (through legal channels) asking for the huge amount of money they owe him, and too selfish to work in any job but his part time dream job even when it means his wife has to work full time plus an extra night job to fund his take away coffee and head in the sand lifestyle.

Just mansplain to the mansplainer. He’s the one who isn’t dealing with reality.

Could he be lying about the reason the money isn't there? That it isn't something his employer has done/failed to do and he's spent it or was fired or walked out months ago?

That might answer why he's being so aggressively defensive about it.

Education

Buy a washing line and dry nappies outside. Radical solution: bulk buy disposables and do not use cloth nappies.

I don't think he was fired. But I don't think I'm getting the whole story.

I don't think he was fired. But I don't think I'm getting the whole story

I don't think you are at all. Has he offered yet to sit down and go through the last 2 years bank statements to see what can be done going forward?

I'd say though that if it's one week into you doing 2 jobs, you're already stressed and not sleeping and he's buying takeaway coffee and talking to you like you're an idiot there might not be much to salvage in the relationship.

OP your husband doesn’t sound like fully comprehend the impact he’s had on the family finances. Or his pride is getting in the way.

If he is working PT he needs to be looking for a second job or at the very least doing a big chunk of the housework.

I would definitely lodge a formal request for back pay with the company because if they go under he’ll need to evidence the debt to get on the creditor’s list.

If I knew I was about to be poor, I'd be more inclined to stash the money away in a savings account for unexpected expenses. I'm not arsed about a 'good' winter coat or anything like that - I live in a UK city and a Primark coat's going to be perfectly adequate unless I move to a mountain in the Scottish Highlands all winter. But having a bit of cash in reserve for emergency purchases you can't predict - eg having to replace my glasses or the boiler suddenly needing a new part or whatever - would be incredibly useful.

I would contact his former employers myself to try to find out what really happened. At this stage you’ve got nothing to lose as your marriage and finances are in serious trouble.

I would contact his former employers myself to try to find out what really happened. At this stage you’ve got nothing to lose as your marriage and finances are in serious trouble

Totally agree that at this point the OP has very little to lose.

Would the previous Employer tell her anything though?

I'd be more tempted to tell him that he needs to either put in a claim with the County Court or put in a Statutory Demand.

If he won't do either, I'd want to know why especially as he is essentially throwing you under a bus to fund his PT work and coffee shop lifestyle.

I woukd say he's living a Champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget but right now he hasn't even got the money for lemonade.

He's not offered to do anything like that.

I spent hours putting together a spreadsheet of our outgoings and incomings- it shows we fall further behind every month. He just dismisses it all. He says off the top of his head the mortgage is X amount a month- when it plainly (in black and white on our bank account) is significantly more.

We have savings, so it's not like we have no money at all. But I am watching them dwindle - we can't live like this long term and he has no plan to do anything about it.

Even with my second job, and cutting down costs we don't break even.

When I raise it, he acts like I am hassling him and being hysterical. "We've already talked about this" etc.

Oh OP, you need to leave.

You need to leave

I'm so sorry OP. Take some advice from a Woman how's probably around 29 years older.

He isn't going to change.

You're spending more than is coming in.

You're working extra hard and you have a young baby.

He's talking down to you.

I know you have got the house in the area you wanted but it doesn't sound like he's a nice man at all.

You could stay around, lose all of your savings and get more bitter and upset or you could get rid of him now. It will probably be a bit rocky but you've already got rocky. At least if you end it you've got the chance for a better life.

At this point, I would be inclined to tell him he needs to leave. Maybe the ultimatum will make him wake up and smell his takeaway coffee.
If you are eating into savings just to stay above water, you will be better off on your own.

Loft insulation.
Check each room for drafts and all windows close properly - no point paying for energy seeping out of your building! You can get the stays replaced if they no longer pull shut properly or fit extra trim. We did this in our old house and considerably cheaper than replacing the whole window
Price up the insurance for your home and any cars, ensure you have an account with enough money to pay them annually rather than monthly as you will save then
Make a list of any essential put potentially costly purchases for the next year and be proactive in finding deals. School shoes, winter coats that sort of thing, next size cloth nappies
Check the interest rates on savings to make sure your money is working for you

A really good mattress and sofa

I assume you're trying to drop your savings below 16k to claim universal credit?

Never knew slow cookers were that expensive

YYY to chest freezer.
Plus storage / freezer containers, freezer bags.

Stop shopping for clothes for everyone. Only buy second hand when strictly needed.

Start looking at recipes that include beans, lentils, and cheap veg like carrots, onions, cabbage. Long life staples like rice, pasta, couscous last longer than potatoes. Stop buying fresh fruit and buy frozen fruit plus apples, oranges. Freeze bananas when they get too ripe. Bake with them.

Buy only cheapest canned options.

Sweatpants, sweatshirts/ hoodies, wool socks for everyone. Woolly tights, cardigans.

He's had to find a job quickly and the only one he wants to do involves a backwards move to gain experience he doesn't already have. They've also only got the budget for him to be employed part time.

The only one he wants to do? But your working two jobs and he’s part time unless I’ve got that wrong

He's had to find a job quickly and the only one he wants to do involves a backwards move to gain experience he doesn't already have. They've also only got the budget for him to be employed part time.

The only one he wants to do? But your working two jobs and he’s part time unless I’ve got that wrong