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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were about to be poor, what would you spend your money on now?

373 replies

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 08:47

To make life easier when your income drops?

We have some savings that can be spent on things that will save money in the long run get term.

I've just bought a slow cooker, for example. And I'm thinking about getting our windows upgraded to save on bills.

OP posts:
Zwicky · 03/08/2024 14:15

I was in a similar situation a few years ago - just getting out of it now. I think you are going at this arse about face trying to spend money to save money. That’s a luxury you don’t have. Windows and solar panels and chickens take years to repay what you spend. You don’t have time to be arsing about with chickens. This is what I did

No unnecessary journeys that aren’t by foot. If your car is worth more than £10k and gets less than 60mpg then get rid of it and get a decent ish cheaper more economical car. If your car isn’t worth much then it’s better the devil you know.

No “nice to have” subscriptions. A tv one, fair enough if you watch tv but you don’t need lots of them. Watch Netflix to death and then cancel it and get prime or Disney or whatever. Not sky - it’s too much. I didn’t have anything but bbc for years - ITVX and channels 4 and 5 have loads of free stuff. I paused my audible and used borrowbox and re listened to stuff I’d already bought. No gym or sending you face cream or magazines through the post.

No expensive hobbies. Brownies is ok, horse riding isn’t. Adult hobbies can be things like yoga in the house, running about the streets in trainers you already own, reading library books. Under no circumstances allow your husband to take up triathlons or golf.

A 21 day meal plan repeated until the end of time - made shopping and cooking easy. You have to be smart about it. You want oily fish every week? You can’t casually grab £10 worth of salmon anymore so you do mackerel with leeks and baked potatoes, or tinned sardines in tomato sauce with pasta. You need fruit? Buy whatever is in the super 6 in Aldi or whatever is in season or inexplicably cheap. Apples and pineapples and bananas and oranges - not raspberries etc. You do chicken wings, not steak, pork shoulder, not chicken breast, lentils and chickpeas instead of lamb. Cheap biscuits instead of home baking. No juice or pop - but I never stopped buying coffee. Remember mince and dumplings, sausage and beans, egg and chips are perfectly good meals. Simplify your meals and try to get a decent amount of nutrition in over a week - not every meal needs whole grain, 5 vegetables and some seeds. I’m not against gadgets (I have a slow cooker, and an air fryer) but it’s only worth it if you are actually using them. You can get an air fryer in B&M right now for £30 - how often would you use it instead if the oven you already have and how long would it take to make the money back? If your meal plan is potato wedges 5 nights out of 7 then maybe buy if you are mainly eating pasta or burritos then it’s not helping you. Slow cookers are often cheap (middle of Lidl etc often has them) and cheap to run but unless you are using them they are a waste of money. Cut down on your basics if you haven’t already. Lidl do excellent spaghetti and 5kg bags of rice.

Summer is easy - winter is hard. You need to stay warm. Depending on how bad it is and how old the dc are then consider sharing a room, or at least only use 2. Your dc will be warmer sharing a room, or sharing a bed, or even sharing a mattress inside a tent in their room. I would spend money on electric blankets and throws because they do make an enormous difference. You need layers - leggings, tights, base layers with thick socks and onesies on top and a hat (fleece beanies are good). You will need to sleep in your hats so don’t go for big woolly monstrosites. You need reasonable coats. If you have a large kitchen then move your sofa into it and spend all your time in there. Be careful with your hot water - time it right so everyone and the dishes can be washed but you aren’t spending too much. If you are cold go out for a walk instead of turning up the heating. Get thick blankets or wadding to line your curtains and get curtains over your external doors. Go to bed early.

Vinted is your friend with growing kids - buying and selling, but don’t buy for the sake of it.

The only things I would buy if I were you (and I was, pretty much) is electric blankets and throws, onesies and hats and curtain linings. I don’t have a tumble dryer or a heater airer and I managed to use cloth nappies without moulding up my house.

You need to meal plan ruthlessly - food is a big expense with 5 mouths to feed - and you need to shop according to plan. There is not much you can do about your mortgage and council tax and you can cut frivolities and luxuries dead - the savings are to be made on food and fuel so concentrate on that.

TruthorDie · 03/08/2024 14:20

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 11:50

Thanks I'd not heard of that. I'll look into it.

Are they safe? No chance of it catching fire?

Heated airers are great l have baby twins, we use reusable nappies and it got me through the winter months. Ours costs about 7p an hour to run

Getonwitit · 03/08/2024 14:28

Anything that cost a lot. Large boxes of soap powder, kitchen and toilet roll, herbs and spices you use often. Although not a lot in the grand scheme of things, if you have to buy a small box of soap powder every month, it is a lot out of a monthly budget. Buy Clarks gift vouchers to use for shoes and M&S vouchers for next years school uniform and summer clothes, but watch the expiry dates and mark them on the calendar. Tell friends and family that you are only doing children's presents this year, again buy vouchers Post office do A high street voucher card. Plan a budget and stick to it. The loss in income will be hard but you will be fine.

TheSquareMile · 03/08/2024 14:29

Could he find a job which offers more hours in the week?

I'm wondering whether being a delivery driver for one of the supermarkets would be an option for him, they always seem to be busy. If they offer shifts, could he do evenings and weekends, so that he can be at home during the day on some days?

I feel quite worried for you personally, you seem to be saying that you work full-time, have now taken on a part-time job and have a baby plus other children. You are going to be very tired, I fear.

wutheringkites · 03/08/2024 14:31

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 13:45

DH isn't mentally unwell.

He feels bad I guess that the last job was such a clusterfuck. But he's not depressed or anything.

The why doesn't he get a second job instead of you?

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 03/08/2024 14:32

Depending on how much you have, solar panels.

Ours were 17k (we took out a loan). We have an electric immersion heater for our hot water and gas central heating and a hybrid car. We used to spend £450 a month on energy.

Last month we spent £15! And because we mainly do short journeys, a tank of petrol lasts for a few months so that £15 includes running our car.

Obviously it'll be more in the winter when there's less sun and we use more gas.

mummyofhypeeDD · 03/08/2024 14:33

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 13:45

DH isn't mentally unwell.

He feels bad I guess that the last job was such a clusterfuck. But he's not depressed or anything.

@TargetPractice11
If your husband is not depressed I do not understand why you are taking on an additional job to supplement the family income and he is not. I have friends who are professionals who decided to work evenings at supermarkets when there children were young to supplement the family income. If he's working part time why can't he pick up supermarket/ bar work in the free time he has? Or do more housework.
I think the most cost effective thing you can do now is take complete control of the family finances as he has demonstrated he can't be trusted with them. Firstly staking a claim on the money owed to him.

As he is as useless with the shopping I'd look into doing an Aldi/ Tesco click and collect or delivery.

Apart from that stop spending money and excess energy - you will need to conserve both. If you don't already - second hand clothes/ toys for the children from Facebook marketplace - send your husband to collect .
Issues like this were why i divorced my exH - best decision I made for my finances and stress levels and my child's future

wutheringkites · 03/08/2024 14:36

Op, don't go out looking for ways to spend money now.

In your position, I'd put some savings in the highest interest rate account I could find (probably locking it in for a couple of years) and put the rest into an instant access saver to be used as and when needed.

In terms of economising, a dehumidifier might help reduce your drying costs and will be good if you use the heating less in winter.

When winter rolls round, heated throws can help reduce heating costs too.

Foodwise, we're actually starting to see some deflation (goods getting cheaper rather than not just continuing to increase in price) so don't start stockpiling stuff unless you see a great deal on something you will definitely need.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/08/2024 14:48

Keep your savings preferably in your name where you can see them. Use them only for dire necessity, paying the mortgage, boiler packs up, car emergency.
Then you and your husband need to sit down and do a proper budget. Both of you. Not you only.
If you cannot cover in the short term your basic needs then you need to work out between you what you need to do.
As long as you can cover heat, light, mortgage and transport, don't worry about little kids miss out. We went through a torrid time when ours were little, kids were oblivious.

Missingpreschool · 03/08/2024 14:50

I'm in a sort of similar financial situation in that I have some money in the bank but a low income. I'm saving every penny of it, already this year we've had vet bills, plumbing issues and car problems to sort. Big unexpected bills would be more of a concern to be honest. A buffer is invaluable.

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 15:05

@wutheringkites I don't know. He hasn't been offered one?

He's not proactive. He sticks his head in the sand.

OP posts:
TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/08/2024 15:06

Op, don't go out looking for ways to spend money now.

This. You’re going to be short of time and headspace by the sounds of things. It’s not the moment for solar panels, chickens or major building works imo.

wutheringkites · 03/08/2024 15:08

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 15:05

@wutheringkites I don't know. He hasn't been offered one?

He's not proactive. He sticks his head in the sand.

Then tell him to get an evening job!

It sounds like you're sticking your head in the sand about this as well op. If you try to carry the weight of everything you'll end up resenting him.

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 03/08/2024 15:15

wutheringkites · 03/08/2024 15:08

Then tell him to get an evening job!

It sounds like you're sticking your head in the sand about this as well op. If you try to carry the weight of everything you'll end up resenting him.

This.
I started out thinking that when you said 'burnt' by his previous job, this was a man who was mentally exhausted and you were doing this to help him recover. It sounds more like he is just being idle, and needs the riot act reading. That he steps up and pulls his weight round the house, even if not to the same standard to start with. And while doing so, he looks for additional hours or a full time job. Incompetence is not attractive!

Haveanaiceday · 03/08/2024 15:20

Taking on doing the finances at home if dh is not very good at it, yes; doing a second job so your dh can go part time, no.

Bettergetthebunker · 03/08/2024 15:21

Solar panels and a battery for storing.

Zwicky · 03/08/2024 15:46

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 15:05

@wutheringkites I don't know. He hasn't been offered one?

He's not proactive. He sticks his head in the sand.

As with your buying appliances to get out of being skint scheme, this is completely arse about face. Trying to save £20 a week on groceries, £10 a month on petrol, £2 a year using an air fryer instead of the oven, £500 a year on gas, £100 a year on Netflix … it all adds up but what it adds up to is £1000s less than you would have if he did 2x5 hour shifts a week at Tesco.
You are playing at this with chickens and slow cookers. You are imagining crisp afternoon walks with bright hats and wellies, and coming home to a stew bubbling away in the slow cooker with enough to put in a new Pyrex in the freezer for next week. You’ll be pickling next, and quilting. This is fantasy “we are poor but happy - look at me with my darning and library book!”. You get out of being poor by increasing your income. Nobody has time to put their head in the sand or be generally useless. He has to work at least one additional job on top of his part time job.

Citrusandginger · 03/08/2024 15:53

Heated airers are fine, but on for many hours and are best used with a dehumidifier, so the real world savings may not be what retailers want you to believe. I've got a £20 ish rain cover for my rotary drier which means I get to dry outdoors - for free - for more of the year.

If you only use your tumble drier occasionally, even if it's inefficient, it might not be worth splashing out on a new product.

Also someone mentioned your DH doing a training job. Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but he is part time or freelance? I'm wondering if there would be any advantages of looking at setting up a company to be paid through if he's freelance?

BettyBardMacDonald · 03/08/2024 15:56

Spot on, @Zwicky

You can frugal to avoid debt but you cannot frugal to achieve upward mobility. Your household needs more income from both of you.

StuckintheRutt · 03/08/2024 15:57

Op if you have the slave die a chest freezer absolutely get one!
Then hang around discount times in supermarkets and get loads of good meat etc and store it. Many a time I've lamented our lack of space for one.
Air fryer is also available good investment.
For me hair dye. Enough for a year. Good shoes socks and trainers.
Electric blanket and hot watering bottles.

Thermal curtains.

FrancisSeaton · 03/08/2024 16:17

Flexmybin · 03/08/2024 08:51

Set up a budget and allocate money for annual spends on a monthly basis. We use YNAB which has an annual subscription of about £100 a year but saves a fortune. There is a month's free trial and DM me for a referral code if you want one.

You could do the same with a spreadsheet though, just a bit more fiddly.

The irony of paying a service 100 pounds to help you budget

RosyDawn · 03/08/2024 16:22

TargetPractice11 · 03/08/2024 11:23

Totally get it about the dryer. I just don't see when I'll have time to be hanging nappies out.

I did cloth nappies without a dryer years ago on my first born. It was at least twi hours a week spent on hanging, collecting, folding. I don't think I'll have the time unless I lose sleep to do it

Your husband could do them…He’ll have the time.

Tommeetippee · 03/08/2024 16:25

OP you seem to be acting like a single parent, you aren't, you have a husband. Share the burden with him, otherwise you will be better off as a single parent.

ItsAlrightDarling · 03/08/2024 16:45

You say you don’t want marriage problems on top of financial problems OP, but the one thing guaranteed to cause marriage problems is the seething resentment you’re going to feel while you’re working yourself into the ground with paid work, household chores and childcare while he chills out at home buying his head in the sand.

mirrorlife · 03/08/2024 16:47

you really need to get him to claim his missing pay. If they are going bust, he’ll be a creditor- he may well be able to recover some of it if not all. I’d be heading for the divorce courts if my husband expected me to get a second job when he couldn’t be bothered to fill in a form.